The Politics of Katrina

As Kelly said so eloquently on Monday:

It won't be long before someone is calling Katrina divine punishment: either for all the bare titties in the French Quarter or for voting-Republican-while-poor.

On the right... via AMERICAblog, Repent America:

Just days before "Southern Decadence", an annual homosexual celebration attracting tens of thousands of people to the French Quarters section of New Orleans, an act of God destroys the city.

...

"Although the loss of lives is deeply saddening, this act of God destroyed a wicked city," stated Repent America director Michael Marcavage. "From ‘Girls Gone Wild’ to ‘Southern Decadence’, New Orleans was a city that had its doors wide open to the public celebration of sin. May it never be the same," he continued.

On the left... CapitolBuzz:

the fact that the Bush administration is working to slash hurricane protection funds in New Orleans is really unbelievable. Click here and here for more info.

George Bush had better get back to DC from Crawford. That fucker is probably breathing a sigh of relief that the media's attention is turning away from Camp Casey.

Sidenote:

Bush, who may visit the area later in the week, cut short his working vacation in Texas by two days — even though aides have long contended that his duties are uninterrupted when he spends time at his ranch in nearby Crawford, which has White House-level communications capability.

Vice President Dick Cheney participated in the video conference from Wyoming, and White House chief of staff Andy Card was on line from Maine. Other top officials participated from Washington.

Even at my job, we make sure not everyone will be on vacation at the same time.

My Religious Zealotry is Better than Your Religious Zealotry

Meet Jack Van Impe:

Not only that, but [Pat] Robertson, you are pro-life, and yet you wanted the members of the Supreme Court to die last year, and now the president of Venezuela. We believe this book: Thou shalt not kill; Exodus 20, verse 13. And my Bible says that this is wrong, and I want to challenge you right now to change your ways. Because we as Christians do not need an Osami [sic] Bin Laden leading us.

Thanks, Jack. I agree, and I, as someone who works pretty hard not to be a moron, appreciate this statement.

However...

Jack Van Impe believes that Revelation 17:10...

they are also seven kings, five of whom have fallen, one is, the other has not yet come, and when he comes he must remain only a little while.

...means the European Union will bring forth the Antichrist. (I guess the Antichrist won't be French.)

Jack Van Impe also believes that the Illuminati planned three world wars.

Can we please get an evangelist that's not a crackpot to condemn Robertson? As a colleague put it to me last week, you can be a Christian and not be an idiot.

Walking on Sunshine

Now that's comedy!

Here's a random thought: in watching coverage of the devastating hurricane on network and local television (I've enjoyed not having cable for the past 9 months), I haven't yet heard an inappropriate Katrina and the Waves joke. Anyone?

UPDATE: Oh, and get out your wallets. There's a lot of people who need help. I just did.

Privacy Is For Prudes

In the news:

UK ministers are considering plans to make downloading violent sexual images from the net a criminal offence. […] Plans for legislation were welcomed by the family of Jane Longhurst, who was murdered by a man addicted to watching violent porn. Longhurst was murdered two years ago by a friend's boyfriend, Graham Coutts, after he spent hours watching footage of women being strangled and raped.

Golly. I'm no psycho-sociologist, but maybe if you're the type of person who fancies watching hour after hour of women being strangled and raped, well… you were probably pretty damn fucked up before you started your movie marathon.

…in Malaysia police have been urged to "randomly check" mobile phones for pornographic images. According to reports, teenagers in the country are using their mobiles to film "mass sex parties" and circulating images of these Bacchanalian orgies to each other in defiance of the Muslim country's strict censorship laws.

Awesome. A staggering confluence of religious extremism, Big Brother, peeping toms and pedestrian technology.

Christianity Flashback

Looking for something fun to do? Pour yourself a cup of coffee and read the Canons from the Synod of Elvira. Here are some fun ones:

57. Women and men who willingly allow their clothing to be used in secular spectacles and processions shall be denied communion for three years.

62. Chariot racers or pantomimes must first renounce their profession and promise not to resume it before they may become Christians. If they fail to keep this promise, they shall be expelled from the church.

67. A woman who is baptized or is a catechumen must not associate with hairdressers or men with long hair. If she does this, she is to be denied communion.

81. A woman may not write to other lay Christians without her husband's consent. A woman may not receive letters of friendship addressed to her only and not to her husband as well.

Decision > Protection

Scalia opines on the infinite wisdom of not doing his job:

Speaking before a packed auditorium at Chapman University, Scalia said he was saddened to see the Supreme Court deciding moral issues not addressed in the Constitution, such as abortion, gay rights and the death penalty. He said such questions should be settled by Congress or state legislatures beholden to the people.

"I am questioning the propriety -- indeed, the sanity -- of having a value-laden decision such as this made for the entire society ... by unelected judges," he said.

Of course! Now I get it. Now I understand. Thank you Mr. Scalia. Issues of morality, conscience, and ethics should be resolved in the legislature. They're elected, and that makes all the difference – right? It's okay if the government criminalizes behavior that it decrees to be immoral… as long as those making such decisions are elected. Sure, I know what you're going to say: "But there were many German Jews who didn't vote for Hitler." Tough tits for them. As an elected official Adolf had all the moral authority he needed to "settle questions" of morality with "value-laden decisions". Boy. I feel so silly. I always thought that the judiciary was supposed to protect us from "value-laden decisions" by asserting our inalienable right to consult our own conscience on matters of morality. What a dope I've been! I should've questioned the sanity of that kind of thinking a long time ago.

"Now the Senate is looking for moderate judges, mainstream judges. What in the world is a moderate interpretation of a constitutional text? Halfway between what it says and what we'd like it to say?" he said, to laughter and applause.

Mega Dittos on that laughter and applause! C'mon though. What in the world is an interpretation of a constitutional text… or any text? Am I right!? What does "interpretation" mean? HA HA HA!!! Man, that is such a burn on them.

Asshole.

Bible Belt End Of Days

Oil has finally tagged $70.80 a barrel. But don't worry. Hurricane Katrina is yielding some funny stuff too. Stay alert. It won't be long before someone is calling Katrina divine punishment: either for all the bare titties in the French Quarter or for voting-Republican-while-poor.

If LYRC Were A LiveJournal

On a delightful summer day, I received a letter from the City of Chicago requesting that I submit a payment of $75 for new City Sticker for my automobile. Being a good citizen, I immediately wrote a check and sent it off via the U.S. Postal Service. The check cleared, but the sticker never arrived. I subsequently received two $120 citations (for total fees of $240) within a single 48 hour period. Meanwhile, a replacement City Sticker was issued and I acquired a notarized letter from City Hall stating that the Post Office failed to deliver my initial sticker. I contested both citations. The first contestation was rejected; I have received no word on the second. I decided to appeal the order upholding the first citation. Today I went to the Clerk of the Court to file an appeal and request a hearing. Behold the itemized receipt for my trip to the Daley Center:

Arbitration: $10.00
Parking Ticket: $25.00
Dispute Resolution: $1.00
U.S. Postage: $0.37
Base Mail Fee: $15.00
Certified Mail Fee: $2.30
Return Receipt Fee: $1.75
Automation: $5.00
Document Storage: $5.00
Law Library: $13.00
Total Amount: $78.42

After filing my forms in triplicate and paying the requisite fee, I was told very kindly that I had to call a certain phone number sometime around the end of September for my court date. I would not be otherwise notified by the Court. I just paid $19.42 in postage, and they won't even send me a notification by mail.

Anyone interested in getting drunk?

Is Bush Gutting NASA? Doubt It.

You've read it here before: NASA is the one agency that brings out my Libertarian side. If you eliminated NASA right now, private industry would pick up the slack of NASA's efforts. Advancements in aeronautics make more sense for private industry to foment: studying how can we fly faster, farther, and cheaper makes more sense when faster, farther, and cheaper means more profit. Advancements in life science are better suited for universities (who want research grants from corporations and government agencies other than NASA) and pharmaceutical companies (who are inherently evil, I agree, but still...). It doesn't matter how ants form their colonies in zero gravity. If it makes economic sense to go back to the moon or to Mars, private industry will find a way, but right now, it doesn't.

I say this again because new blog buddy and new addition to my blogroll, Susan of "An Age Like This," takes the president to task for gutting NASA. Quote:

Bush will use the cost and his endless war as excuses to shut NASA down. He may not do it so baldly as that, but the end result will be the same. After all, there's not enough pork in NASA, evidently, to enrich him and his friends.

Since Susan's blog doesn't have the comments turned on:

The Space Shuttle is built by Boeing. Boeing is the Pentagon's second largest contractor. Boeing donated twice as much to the Bush campaign in 2000 than they gave to Gore (link). Not enough pork in NASA? NASA is nothing but pork. Bush would never gut NASA because the Air Force needs NASA's scientists to weaponize space. If anything, Bush would eliminate anything in NASA that doesn't support neocon plans to make stuff 'splode.

Open Thread Thursday

I meant to start this this morning. I'm still waking up from a two-day trip to scenic Ohio for work. Thread away.

Culture of Rapine

Source

The hordes often grumble and hiss when Bush & Co. characterize themselves as advocating a "culture of life". How can someone who says, "I'm a man of peace," annihilate over 25,000 civilians in Iraq, and under fraudulent claims of threat no less? But no matter. What's done is done. This wasn't the first time that a large-scale military offensive was launched under justifications so flimsy and so comic. What right-wingers refer to as the "post-9/11 paradigm" or "post-9/11 threat assessment strategies" are merely modern rhetorical tactics meant to facilitate complete freedom of action on the battlefield - including freedom from the effeminate ethical and moral constraints of civilians (for whom a phrase like "culture of life" actually has some meaning). In the past, these normative ethical restraints were embodied by Bill Clinton, the U.N., "hippies", etc. That Bush & Co. see such popular norms of moral behavior as equivalent to a queasy moral relativism is of importance only insofar as their ability to maneuver on the battlefield may be compromised. And make no mistake: it is compromised. Of all the many wars of aggression and conquest that have been waged by humanity, the war in Iraq is, in fact, unique in one respect only: our ability to achieve total victory is compromised by the ethical codes of our populace. Unlike recent wars, America was defending neither principle, nor property, nor liberty, nor life when she slogged her way into Baghdad. Nothing unusual there. By rights, Bush, as the conquering leader of a great army, can do whatever-the-fuck he wants in Iraq. Or can he? Murder, rapine, enslavement, and indiscriminate destruction might be frowned upon – and so would occupation in perpetuity. And yet... he wants to wallow in the spoils. Why shouldn't he? Why shouldn't we? Gas prices are soaring and here we are, in virtual possession of one of the largest subterraneous oceans of oil in the world, with nothing to show for it. Nothing. Iraq is approaching a sectarian civil war faster than they're approaching democracy; OPEC countries are exponentially more likely to use their exports as a defensive weapon against U.S. policy; and the threat of continuing terrorist attacks remains unaffected (or possibly increased). What now? If we back off, well... that would be embarrassing. Everyone would have died for literally nothing. If we press on, we must do so with even more bloodlust than before; and we must commit ourselves to seizing the spoils of war. Which brings me to Pat Robertson:

I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war. [...] ...this is a dangerous enemy to our south, controlling a huge pool of oil, that could hurt us very badly.

Amen. Unless we take Pat's advice, we're in serious danger of dishonoring the memory of our fallen patriots. In the days leading up to the invasion of Iraq, Ken Pollack made a passionate case that oil itself (control of it, access to it, the price of it) justified war. Oddly, that didn't sit too well with many people (i.e., "No Blood For Oil", etc.). Now, we're at the moment of truth. Either we need to commit fully to a full-scale global war of conquest, or we need to admit that we're just a bunch of rude barbarians with super-powerful technology. You're either with Pat Robertson or you're against him.

ADDENDUM: It's all moot. Pat Robertson is nothing more than a flat-out liar. ("Wait a minute, I didn't say 'assassination.'") Sheathe your daggers. Go back to your homes. Soothe your furrowed brows.

arlo.uoa

I decided to stop talking about Macs on LYRC. Many people said that I should write about whatever I want and not be a little bitch about it. Others said that I shouldn't censor LYRC, and that should include censoring myself.

So I came up with a two-tiered compromise. Step one started last week with the introduction of Open Thread Thursday. Now censorship is completely gone, opening up the topics of discussion to everyone, not just me, Kelly, and Richard.

As for Mac discussion. Obviously, I have a problem, and I need to address it. I can't allow myself to get in any more fights with friends or strangers over something as ridiculous as the computer I use. It's not healthy.

I need to deal with my addiction. And it's the age of the Internet, so why not deal with it publically?

Introducing arlo.uoa.

Now, I know what you're itching to type in the comments. "Arlo picked up his toys and left like a baby." This is not the case. I'm using this new blog for one singular purpose: to talk about Macs and my unhealthy obsession them. I'm going to face this addiction head-on. It's time someone out in cyberspace talking about Macs told the truth: that it's just a computer. I'm fulfilling what I see as a specific need, for myself and maybe others, and LYRC is not the place for that.

I'm not abandoning LYRC. This is still my blog home. I still have plenty to say here, I can assure you. arlo.uoa is something that needs simply to happen. For my sanity. For yours.

Bob Moog 1934–2005

While a student at Virginia Tech, a few friends and I took an open-house tour of the university's surprisingly well-appointed music school. We were very interested in seeing the new electronic music studio that had been installed that year. During the presentation, the grad student pointed to a large wooden box that looked like a mash-up of a piano, a mid-century scientific instrument, and an early-century telephone switchboard. It was an original Moog. No, not an early Moog like those used by The Doors. An orginial Moog, built by the man himself. Screw all of those transistors and integrated circuits. We went analog for the next hour as all of us in the room had to take a crack at twiddling, patching, and tickling. After Les Paul, no inventor was more influential on the development of rock music.

Moment of Silence for Bob Moog.





























(Thanks, Fock. You can hear a shitload of Moogs on one of my personal favorite albums of all time, Return of the Rentals.)

More Spam Prose

I haven't seen a really good deceive-the-spam-filter paragraph in a while, but this one certainly grabbed my attention:

Calculations by NASA experts showed that the protrusions could increase the re-entry temperature by 10 percent to 30 percent, possibly exceeding NASA's safety guidelines for how much heat the shuttle's thermal protection system should be allowed to endure, Hale said.While the protrusions might not pose any threat to Discovery, the "large uncertainty" about their possible effect on the aerodynamics of the shuttle convinced NASA officials to try to fix the problem in space, he said."We were concerned about the implications of it and what was motivating it," he said. "However, it's a lot better...(to) remove this material."On Monday, Robinson and Noguchi completed their second spacewalk of the mission, during which they replaced a faulty gyroscope on the space station.Hospitals treated 43 people for minor injuries after the crash, said Steve Shaw, chairman of the Greater Toronto Airports Authority.

How did that last sentence get in there?

The spam message was for fake Rolex watches, FYI.

Open Thread Thurs... (oops)

See here. This article is quite interesting; a call to adopt a legal framework for Terrorism (and those who support it) based on the laws and treaties which successfully marginalized the practice of piracy. Here are some excerpts:

After a series of draconian laws passed by George I of England effectively banished pirates from the Atlantic, the Mediterranean corsairs emerged as pre-eminent maritime mercenaries in the employ of any European state wishing to harass another. This situation proved disastrous. …[It] led to the Declaration of Paris in 1856, signed by England, France, Spain, and most other European nations, which abolished the use of piracy for state purposes. Piracy became and remained beyond the pale of legitimate state behavior.

[…]

The corollaries between the pirates' "war against the world" and modern terrorism are profound and disturbing. With their vengeful practices, pirates were the first and perhaps only historical precedent for the terrorist cell: a group of men who bound themselves in extraterritorial enclaves, removed themselves from the protection and jurisdiction of the nation-state, and declared war against civilization. Both pirates and terrorists deliberately employ this extranationality as a means of pursuing their activities. The pirates hid in the myriad shoals and islands of the Atlantic. The terrorists hide in cells throughout the world. Both seek through their acts to bring notice to themselves and their causes. They share means as well—destruction of property, frustration of commerce, and homicide. Most important, both are properly considered enemies of the rest of the human race.

Interesting stuff, to be sure. While I was reading this article the White House called me. Well, to be more accurate, a very dumb woman called me from the White House switchboard. I had assisted in the composition of a letter to the President and this dingbat pre-school dropout was calling me because she couldn't decipher the unbelievably obvious information therein. Additionally, the letter should have been processed a month ago. Incompetence has apparently infected every cubicle in their building.

Furthermore, last night I drank two bottles of beer before I went to bed. This morning I sauntered confidently into the elevator at work. Fortunately, I was alone in the elevator when the two bottles of beer finally reached the terminus of their combustive journey through my innards. Loudly, and not without feeling, I bore down and released a horrid blast of flatulence. It was, in all modesty, an olfactory nightmare. Five seconds after my fanny jettisoned this wafting cloud of pure evil, the elevator door opened onto a floor five stories below my own... and a solitary woman boarded the car. Singular in her beauty and in the full flower of her youth, this subtle creature possessed in abundance the most divine qualities of femininity. Furthermore, she displayed all the relaxed joy of a person habituated to appreciate the glory of morning and the limitless potential of each new day. Boy howdy... I wiped that smile right off her face.

To the Universe: I'm sorry I helped hate.

Earlier this month, I posted "How Folks are Finding This Site." One of the odd things you might notice in that list is the number one search term: oracle logo. Those folks are finding this page, where I display how I would redesign the Oracle Corporation's logo if they were to ever ask me to. Some form of this search has been near the top of the list for months.

Late Wednesday night, I received an odd email. The man asked if I knew which font the Oracle logo was set in (the original, not mine). He also asked, if Oracle's logo was designed specifically for them and no such font exists, if I was willing to "reverse engineer" their logo and set another word in similar type. He said he was willing to pay for the time.

It seemed sketchy to me. The email was sent from a Yahoo account. The man's name was "Peter Parker" (though I'm sure unsolicited emails from "Arlo Guthrie" elicit the same suspicion). And what he was asking me could be in most circumstances copyright infringement.

So, despite the relative simplicity of what he was asking me to do, I decided to refuse the offer. He had mentioned in his email that he had some experience working with hand-stripping type in the early 80s but wasn't versed in using Illustrator. When I emailed him back saying I didn't have time for any extra freelance work, I suggested he download a vector version of Oracle's logo from Brands of the World, print a few copies large, and collage his own letters. Then, he could have that scanned and printed in whatever colors he wanted.

I felt like I had done the right thing. Refused in order to protect my ass, but gave him an option should his motivation be just.

His motivation was certainly unjust.

He emailed be back thanking me for my help. He also gave me this link: Ora*fraud. So I started reading the home page. Larry Ellison, CEO of Oracle, committed some sort of fraud? Interesting. Ken Lay should be locked up in a maximum security, pound-me-in-the-ass prison for what he did. Does Larry Ellison deserve the same treatment? My curiosity was piqued. I clicked the "continue reading" link.

Here's what I found on page 2:

Remaining to be answered is the question of why the Jewish people, as a group, seem to protect - even venerate - their criminals ... instead of prosecuting them.

And more:

When we combine the aforementioned Oracle Corporation, - with its legendary contempt for the rule of law - with this aforementioned political cult - with its legendary contempt for anyone whom is not a Zionist - we get a formula for trouble. And that's exactly what happened.

I'm so thankful that I avoided helping an anti-Semite decorate his website advocating a vast Zionist conspiracy.

However, I can't help but feel guilty. Sure, all I did was give someone a link and an idea, but I still enabled the motivations of someone spreading hate.

Of course, none of us can help on a daily basis from supporting evil. I have no doubt that the office building I'm sitting in right now is chock full of manufactured goods built in countries with unfair labor practices. Hell, I'm paying taxes for an unjust war. Unless we want to move to the mountains and live off of what we grow, we can't help but inadvertently support what we despise.

Never, though, has it been so direct for me. I literally felt nauseous. Still do when I think about it. I simply want the forces of karma (should such a thing exist) to understand that I meant no harm. Next time, I'll ask, "Who are you?" before proceeding.

Joe Ranft 1960—2005

One of the reasons Pixar consistently kicks everyone's ass in the animated film department is not just the brilliant, homebrewed software that made Sulley's million+ hairs possible. It's simply how good the stories are. Pixar (including—ahem—their CEO) understands that a movie has to be good before making it pretty. Form follows function, and Pixar movies function to entertain and inspire. One of the engineers of that inspiration has died tragically.

Moment of silence for Joe Ranft.

OPEN THREAD THURSDAY

One of two additions to my immediate blogosphere. Every Thursday, you'll have this opportunity to talk about whatever you want. Cindy Sheehan? The price of gas? Christian mime? Post links, bring up topics you think we ignored this week, and express your seething rage. Enjoy.

Lincoln-Bush Debates: Texas Sheehanigans

The most unlikely of all divinely ordained impossibilities has occurred: my opinion has been solicited on a matter over which – and about which – I have absolutely no influence. Fortunately, I have a forum to present my views which is perfectly suited to address such a request. The topic is Cindy Sheehan and her fraudulent vigil. To begin:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

That's the passage that gives the President and all his supporters a free pass. Why? Well, because they can simply reassure everyone that they are aware of Ms. Sheehan's right to do what she's doing. From there, well, as they like to say, "the gloves are off". According to the right-wing noise machine, she's a bad wife, a crackpot, a lunatic, a liar, anti-American, a pawn, and (I kid you not) smells like hippie.

The purpose of all this yammer is clear: don't think about the war. Don't think about Iraq. Don't think about anything - except perhaps the "level of discourse" in the media. That's okay. It's also okay to talk about PACs and 527s, Fox News, Bush's vacation, Michelle Malkin being a douchebag, etc.

It's unlikely that Bush will end the spectacle outside his vanity ranch. It's impossible that troop movements will be effected. Still, it's nice that someone found a way to humanize a brutal and intractable conflict that was initiated in the most heartless and cold-blooded manner possible (i.e., via the labyrinthian sophistries of conservative think-tanks).

How Bush feels about the grief and loss of his feudal subjects is immaterial. He's a simple-minded dickhead and no amount of agony can arouse compassion in his heart. The swarms of people looking on, however, are a different matter entirely. Usually when a soldier is interviewed about their experience and/or valor in Iraq, they tend to sound like professional athletes: "Just doing my job", "this is what I was trained for", etc. While this is admirable in many ways, it is also bloodless and bureaucratic. When at war, a citizenry prefers that the stakes be at least high enough to arouse emotion. After all, isn't it only the most monstrous and base among us that kill as a machine would kill – without feeling or conscience? If a cause is just, and the passions inflamed, a people can carry on a war for 100 years. If, however, a cause is unjust - is dreamed up by the bizarre and convoluted politics of neo-cons... well, a kindly woman in a raincoat by the side of the road may actually wobble the foundation.

If not, perhaps the best we can hope for is the exposure of Bush's flawed "character". By way of comparison, this is how Bush handled the grievance of Ms. Sheehan:

But whether it be here or in Washington or anywhere else, there's somebody who has got something to say to the President, that's part of the job... And I think it's important for me to be thoughtful and sensitive to those who have got something to say. But, I think it's also important for me to go on with my life.

Let's measure that against the standard for which such things should be measured:

I feel how weak and fruitless must be any words of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering to you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save.

I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours, to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of Freedom.

Yours, very sincerely and respectfully,

Abraham Lincoln

Finally, it should be noted that President Lincoln's letter was written to a Confederate sympathizer who disliked President Lincoln intensely.

(Gracias Biff).

Palate Cleanser

Yesterday left a bad taste in my mouth. So, to clear our minds, watch this QuickTime video. (Via Waxy.)

Concerning yesterday:

1. I appreciate the support and advice many of you posted.
2. Eric: You did nothing wrong. It's cool, bro.
3. I've come up with a way two ways to deal with my moral paradox which I hope to formally announce next week. One will be announced tomorrow, the other will be announced hopefully next week. I'm very excited.

Self-Service Human Rights

Bush & Co. have semi-successfully sold the idea that America invaded Iraq so that the Iraqi people could enjoy “Freedom”. Yes, it was just one of many ad hoc excuses, but it’s one that most of his well-meaning opponents are loathe to challenge (excepting via an occasional accusation of hypocrisy). Years ago, some people intimated that possibly - possibly - the Iraqis themselves would need to be responsible for their own fate. Today, this argument is made exclusively with regard to “security”; not human rights or freedom or any other beneficent condition of modernity.

When we look out at the horrors of the world, the violent repression of human rights, why do we inevitably feel that (a) we can change it all and make it better, and/or (b) it’s all our fault? Yes, we have trade relations with monarchical governments that are less than kind to their own citizens. Yes, we subsidize regimes that are barbaric, criminal and cruel. The truth is that we can make some progress and that it is somewhat our fault, but not enough to make a tinker’s damn worth of a difference. Pity and/or force-of-arms are both essentially powerless against the systematic degradation of the humanity of other people. (Equally powerless are the amoral consequences of “open markets”).

Buried in the obscurity of their many books, essays and speeches, “leftist radicals” like Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky have repeatedly exhorted us to remember that none of the freedoms that we or our countrymen currently enjoy were bestowed upon us by an enlightened Constitution or the munificent governance of the body politic. The signature battles for liberty in America (civil rights, universal suffrage, labor, gay rights, abortion, censorship, etc.) were all achieved through the relentless struggle of those for whom the struggle mattered most: the oppressed themselves. No country memorializes the gifts bequeathed by foreign powers. People (collectively and individually) celebrate the success of their own conquests and rebellions – usually those which are most responsible for the outright seizure of their current felicity.

Some thoughts on the animating characteristics of rebellion:

What is a rebel? A man who says no, but whose refusal does not imply a renunciation. He is also a man who says yes, from the moment he makes his first gesture of rebellion. A slave who has taken orders all his life suddenly decides that he cannot obey some new command. What does he mean by saying “no”?

He means, for example, that “this has been going on too long,” “up to this point yes, beyond it no,” “you are going to far,” or, again, “there is a limit beyond which you shall not go.” In other words, he affirms the existence of a borderline. The same concept is to be found in the rebel’s feeling that the other person “is exaggerating,” that he is exerting his authority beyond a limit where he begins to infringe upon the rights of others. Thus the movement of rebellion is founded simultaneously on the categorical rejection of an intrusion that is considered intolerable and on the confused conviction of an absolute right which, in the rebel’s mind, is more precisely the impression that he “has the right to...” Rebellion cannot exist without the feeling that, somewhere and somehow, one is right.

[…]

Before he rebelled, the slave accepted all the demands made upon him. […] He accepted them patiently, though he may have protested inwardly, but in that he remained silent he was more concerned with his own immediate interests than as yet aware of his own rights. But with loss of patience – with impatience – a reaction begins which can extend to everything that he previously accepted, and which is almost always retroactive. The very moment the slave refuses to obey the humiliating orders of his master, he simultaneously rejects the condition of slavery. The act of rebellion carries him far beyond the point he had reached by simply refusing. He exceeds the bounds that he fixed for his antagonist, and now demands to be treated as an equal. [...] Having up to now been willing to compromise, the slave suddenly adopts (“because this is how it must be...”) an attitude of All or Nothing. With rebellion, awareness is born.

Sounds to me like something worthy of celebrating. However, a self-interested outsider will always fail to inspire a substantive and successful rebellion. We can admire John Brown (and I do), or funnel money into the Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation (and I don’t), but the midwife of liberty resides exclusively in the soul of the oppressed.

In the days following the revelation of torture and abuse at Abu Ghraib, jokes circulated that the prison was simply continuing as it always had, only “under new management”. The awful truth is that, without substantive internal rebellion, this will be the case for the entire godforsaken region.

No, we’re not bloodthirsty tyrants. We’re decent people. But America is not in Iraq to spread Freedom. We’re there to manage, administer, and assume control.

By the way, this is cool: Graffiti from Pompeii.

No More Mac News or Opinions. Happy?

I started this blog almost three years ago now. I brought Kelly and Richard into it because I appreciate their voices. I've redesigned it four times, and I've moved it to my own server that I pay for. I've never included ads, and I never plan to. In other words, I've done whatever the hell I wanted. I've always written whatever the hell I wanted to, whether it be about politics or music or my choice of operating system.

Despite this selfishness, I'm thankful for all of the readership we get. And I listen to you. I value your opinions. You're willing to listen to us, so it should go both ways.

As has been the case for about the past year, I'm so exhausted from school and so busy at my job that I can't go into well-conceived missives anymore like I used to. I can't chime in on the events of the day as often as I would like to. Fortunately, Kelly is here to offer sound, informed judgement about the events in our world that matter from his unique point of view. When Richard logs in, it's always from his fascinating take on art and popular culture. Each of us, in our own way, writes from our own interests and experiences.

So why is it that when I post something about one of my favorite distractions—Macs—that it turns into a fucking free-for-all bash fest on Arlo? I'm sorry I don't have much else to talk about these days except for the only thing I have time for that's remotely hobby-like. It's what's on my mind, so I talk about it a lot. To paraphrase Mr. Show, I don't log-on to your blog and slap the dick out of your mouth. I'm tempted to say that if you don't like it, go read another blog.

However, I have a sign above my monitor that I try to look at before I post anything; it says "Think before you blog." It doesn't always work, but I'm pretty good about not using this medium as an outlet for jerking my knee. It's not just me that's here; it's Kelly and Richard and all of you.

Obviously, no one who reads or writes this blog other than me cares about Macs as much as I do.

Thus:

Today, I promise that from now until the time I either pull the plug on this site or die, I will never post another article about anything having to do with the Apple Computers. No more OS X. No more iPods. No more mice. No more Steve Jobs. You don't care, and I have plenty of other forums to talk about this stuff. I won't do it here anymore.

So those of you who just can't help yourself but troll whenever I post something Apple related, you can go troll at MacRumors now because you won't have anywhere to do it here anymore.

I operate this blog because it makes me happy.
I want to keep this an open forum.
I'm not going to open myself up to attacks anymore.

Finally, maybe this moratorium on Apple news will give me a chance to examine why I get upset about it, why I take attacks on my choice of operating system so personally. Obviously I have something to work out.

UPDATE: I'm not the only insane Mac lover.

Theocratic Revolution

I listened to the entire broadcast of Justice Sunday II - God Save the United States and this Honorable Court. My advice to those who might be curious about this event: look away. Do something productive. Go eat some fruit. Have sex (if you can). Go for a swim. Do anything other than waste your time listening to these repugnant monsters.

Any so-called Christian who aligns themselves with the ultra-Conservative right-wing of American politics is the enemy. Speaking of the enemy, check this out:

Pope Benedict XVI has backed the display of crucifixes in public buildings, saying that God should be present in public life.

"It is important that God is present in public life, with the sign of the cross, in homes and public buildings."

We've often heard about how Islamic extremists and enemy combatants will be hunted down and eliminated regardless of whether they attempt to find shelter in mosques or other religious shrines. Just so. No church or protestation of Christian fellowship should be allowed to shield these people from our attacks.

OSx86

I haven't posted on the successes of OSx86 yet, and I really hadn't planned to. I've been silent about it becauyse I've talked about the Apple/Intel hanky-panky here and here, and that seemed like enough. I also kept quiet because I don't think it's a big deal whatsoever, which I will elaborate on below.

However, a comment following my plea for a vintage Mac informed me that I do need to chime in. Here's what the commenter wrote:

Looks like some nerds have it running on some crappy Dell - and it runs faster than on the Apple!

It's the end of the world as you know it but at least I feel fine.

The commenter linked to this article on Wired News. Since this seems to be the most mainstream article about the hack out there, it may be the only news you (or at least this one commenter) have read about the issue. The article glosses over a few important details to sound more sensational. Allow me, your favorite OS X evangelist, to clear things up.

I would like all of the average computer users out there to read the following paragraph that I have written explaining in a nutshell how the hackers got OS X running on a beige-box PC:

The version of OS X that is floating around is a version sold solely for programmers and written to run on a machine only available to registered programmers. That system that is built around a stock Intel motherboard. This developer version of OS X is locked to the motherboard through the TPM chip on that motherboard. The developer version also requires a processor capable of SSE3 and a VPU capable of processing Quartz Extreme. These walls have been torn down by hacking a kernel extension to circumvent TPM and avoiding any hardware limitations by running OS X in VMWare.

Now I ask the average computer users who just read that paragraph: Did any of that make sense to you? I doubt it. I haven't blogged about this development because it doesn't matter to the average computer user. Running OS X on a machine not manufactured by Apple is hard to do. Even I don't understand the instructions. The average computer user is not going to do this.

Furthermore, no one has any idea what the Intel-powered Macs sold to the general public will contain. It is my theory—not hypothesis, as this is based on historical evidence—that these machines will have motherboards designed by Apple, not Intel. These motherboards will contain a TPM chip (which is not as big of a deal as a lot of people think), no doubt about it. However, it is not just TPM that will block OS X from installing on a $199 eMachine from Office Depot. My hypothesis—yes, this is a hypothesis—is that OS X will require Apple's version of EFI, Intel's replacement for BIOS. The only current versions of Windows that boot with EFI are server products and the 64-bit version of XP. It won't be until Windows Vista comes out with a golf clap and a yawn that consumer versions of PCs with EFI will hit stores. And even then, getting OS X to run on your Dell will require flashing Dell's EFI with Apple's EFI, risk ruining your computer, and praying that Apple's EFI knows how to communicate with Dell's bridges and busses.

Again, the average computer user has no idea what I'm talking about here, which is why none of this is a big deal to Apple. The people who actually buy computers instead of building them are not going to go to the trouble of jumping through hoops to get OS X up and running on a Dell. It's just silly.

As to the commenter's real point—that OS X is running faster on Intel processors—well, duh. Why do you think Apple is switching? It has been Apple's curse for so long; their processor vendor leapfrogs Intel, then can't deliver in quantity or innovate fast enough because the market is too small. Each iteration of PowerPC processors -- 603e, G3, G4, G5 -- every time, it jumped far ahead of Intel. And every time, Intel caught up and surpassed. Now the pieces have fallen into place for Apple to switch with as few hiccups for consumers as possible.

I, for one, welcome our new Mactel overlords.

Intelligent Design: Cards On The Table

Big Bang Chimp

Now that the President of the United States has come out in support of Intelligent Design (“ID”), I think it’s time that we started seeing some actual anti-Darwin stalwarts, some hard-hitting ID proponents, on the television. I’m not talking about politicians or pundits – I’m talking about those who would present an actual curriculum. Is the national discussion not about teaching this stuff? Who would write the textbooks? Honestly, even if you’re 100% committed to the idea that ID should be taught to the young and impressionable booger-eaters in our public schools, isn’t it only reasonable to put a face and a name to this fancy new field of study? Seriously. Why don’t we stop the editorializing and get to work? For starters, let’s get folks like Phillip Johnson and William Dembski to go on Meet the Press - or even CNN's American Morning.

Those upright ID believers can’t possibly be using their signature issue merely as a political tool to advance some broader issue... like the establishment of a state-sponsored religion. Can they? No. That would be downright mischievous.

So let’s see your big guns. Lay it out. C’mon. I dare you.

Oops: I forgot to mention Michael Behe, the Dr. Frankenstein of "irreducible complexity". Let's have a bake sale so this dingbat can have a grant to develop a cogent pedagogy.

Phantom Invasions

I think it's about time that I say something nice about my (and the known universe's) mortal enemies, the Neo Cons. Here goes: Bill Frist is capable of being correct. Further, and even more surprising, Charles Krauthammer is capable of being correct. But still, dear sweet Chaz, you adorable doctor of pseudo-psychiatry, you sunken-cheeked embodiment of ruffled indignation... still you insist on playing the degrading role of Bush's shit-funnel:

In 1977, when a bunch of neo-Nazis decided to march through Skokie, a suburb of Chicago heavily populated with Holocaust survivors, there was controversy as to whether they should be allowed. I thought they should. Why? Because neo-Nazis are utterly powerless.

That's an excellent point. Come to think of it, my 'taint is utterly powerless too. Perhaps sometime this autumn I can drop by your stately home in suburban Washington and parade it in front of your wife's face. Sorry to interrupt... you were on your way to making one of your self-evident, scoff-inducing truisms:

Had they not been -- had they been a party on the rise, as in late-1920s Germany -- I would have been for not only banning the march but also for practically every measure of harassment and persecution from deportation to imprisonment. A tolerant society has an obligation to be tolerant. Except to those so intolerant that they themselves would abolish tolerance.

Call it situational libertarianism: Liberties should be as unlimited as possible -- unless and until there arises a real threat to the open society. Neo-Nazis are pathetic losers. Why curtail civil liberties to stop them? But when a real threat -- such as jihadism -- arises, a liberal democratic society must deploy every resource, including the repressive powers of the state, to deter and defeat those who would abolish liberal democracy.

Normally, I would find this kind of logic amusing and even a little provocative; but not today. See, most people (myself included) would agree that a society has a right to protect itself against destabilizing elements that seek to destroy it. That premise is nothing more than simple self-preservation/self-defense. Everyone understands it. But you, like the intellectual hack you are, knowingly corrupt your own argument with a blatantly specious rhetorical leap. You accept prima facie the erroneous assumption that "jihadism" is arising in "liberal democracy" with the intent to abolish it. Did you really believe Bush's yammering about attacks on "our way of life"? Do you honestly nod in approval when every fat right-wing radio hog sputters that "these terrorists want one thing only – to kill you"? Jackass.

You go on to mention Abraham Lincoln and his suspension of habeas corpus, as if civil war bore some martial resemblance to our current situation. It doesn't. Mujahideen, unlike what you'd wish to believe, have decipherable and comprehensible motivations. And you, Mr. Fancypants Psychiatrist, are clearly incapable of understanding them. What? What's that you say?

Civil libertarians go crazy when you make this argument. Beware the slippery slope, they warn. You start with a snoop in a library, and you end up with Big Brother in your living room.

Bite me.

Wanted: Old Compact Macintosh

I'm looking for a compact Macintosh:

• 128K
• 512K
• 512Ke
• Plus
• SE
• Classic
• Classic II/Performa 200
• SE/30

I do not want a Color Classic or Color Classic II. It does not need to work. In fact, it probably would be better if it doesn't work since I plan to tear the guts out of it. If you have one of these collecting dust in an attic somewhere and wish to donate it or sell it cheap to a nerdy but creative cause, please email me (replace the [at] with @). Thank you.

The Two Biggest Stories of the Day

GOP paying legal bills of Bush campaign official accused of voter suppression. What the GOP says and what the GOP does are two completely different things. (Via CapitolBuzz.)

Ancient civilization found underneath Central Park. Okay, so it's not ancient. However, the idea of the archeology of recent history is fascinating to me. It demonstrates the acceleration of human culture, that history from only 150 years ago in the middle of one of the world's densest metropolises (metropoli?) is only now truly uncovered.

Peggy Noonan Channels John Denver

Holy Crap! I must have been seriously preoccupied by the thick miasma of inert funk that is forever hovering about my person to have missed Peggy Noonan's latest column. What a gem it is. No joke. Yep, our old pal Peggy "Blubbery-Pudenda" Noonan recently slithered off to West Virginia and was overcome by the folksy hominess of the place. To get the ball rolling, she starts us off with a little joke:

A Southern lady sees a vacationing society lady from the Northeast. The Southern lady is gregarious: "Where y'all from?" Society lady is put off: "I'm from a place where they don't end sentences with a preposition." Southern lady smiles, nods her head: "Beg your pardon. Where y'all from, bitch?"

HAW HAW!!! That sure is funny. Why? Well, because the lady from "the Northeast" (i.e. Jew York City) is so totally a Bitch. Duh. Well done Peggy. Thanks for keeping it real.

It's fun to see cultures collide, because that's one of the ways you know they still exist.

Whoa. That's an understatement. Cultural collisions aren't just fun – they're side-splitting knee-slappers of the highest order! Remember that PBS documentary by Ken Burns about the Civil War? Well, I'm not ashamed to say that it inspired the most violent and convulsive bouts of pants-wetting laughter in my life. Big fun.

America continues to be full of differentness, in spite of the samening effect of national media. (I made up samening. It refers to the tendency of different, small and localized pockets of culture to take on the ways and values of national culture as it is imposed by television, music and movies.)

Aww. You're too modest. You also made up "differentness". But I'll let it slide because you're so very right. Values are indeed "imposed" upon me by television, et al. I'd go so far as to say that I'm nothing more than a meat puppet of the Lords of Popular Culture. Why else would I read your column, you nasty cooch? After all, the rag you "write" for (WSJ) has a larger circulation than any other paper in the country; it's only fitting that a blockhead word like "samening" should be minted on your keyboard. Idiot.

I have just been [in West Virginia] for the first time, and it is a jewel of a state. It is like an emerald you dig from a hill with your hands.

Yeah, so much dirtier and nasty looking than those emeralds you find in, say, a jewelry store. Isn't it just sooo axiomatic that the grimier, poorer, more grotesque something is, the more authentic it is as well? There's a theme you might want to develop a little more… because it's so totally fucking original.

You know when you've passed into [West Virginia] from the east because suddenly things look more dramatic. You get the impression you're in a real place. […] It is a tall state--the hills, trees and mountains--and shadowy-dark, with winding roads, except for where it's broad and beige and full of highway, courtesy of Robert Byrd. The highways are perfect looking, unstained by wear and tear, and not many people seem to use them.

Oh SNAP! There it is – that signature Noonan style we all love so much: a sprinkling of bullshit-dust followed by a smidgen of soft-focus sentimentality, finished off with a flat-footed slam of a Senior Democratic Senator for legislative pork. Brilliant! And I'm totally simpatico with you about roads: they suck. You probably flew into West Viginia – first class? – like a civilized person, right? Roads are for savages and pagans. Too bad your beloved President doesn't have a clue:

...our economy depends on us having the most efficient, reliable transportation system in the world. If we want people working in America, we've got to make sure our highways and roads are modern. We've got to bring up this transportation system into the 21st century.

What an idiot. Sorry about that unseemly diversion. What were you saying Peggy?

There are little churches in every town, where the highest thing is the steeples, and road signs with exhortations to follow Jesus, and big crosses made of white wood on the side of the road. The ACLU would do well not to come here and do their church-state thing.

Okay, now you're starting to piss me off. Clearly you didn't observe those quaint little towns with enough critical scrutiny. I'd be willing to bet cash money that the highest thing in town is probably some poor West Virginian bastard who can't get a West Virginian job and has to live in his West Virginian mom's basement. On the other hand, you're right (once again) about the ACLU and their "church-state thing"; they ought to stay as far away from West Virginia as possible. Remember James Chaney, Michael Schwerner and Andrew Goodman? There's a cautionary tale if ever there was one. They thought they'd go down to Mississippi in 1964 and get the coloreds all riled up when they didn't have no business down there no how. Gettin' dead served 'em right. Same goes with them church-state folk and their goddamn sekular hoomanizm.

Few people I met seemed interested in politics. I got the impression they see is [sic] as something dull and faraway, as a normal person would.

Amen. God forbid that people should be mislead into believing that they have a civic duty to learn about and participate in the institutions of democratic government. That wouldn’t be “normal”. Let’s skip ahead to one of your more ingenious passages:

At the store the man behind the counter was friendly, intelligent and missing an eye. He had no artificial eye, no eye patch, just a red space where the eye would be. When I asked his name he said, "Jack, but my friends call me One Eye." I nodded at this information and remembered what a friend told me. He works with a local man who was complaining about his lazy brother-in-law who's on welfare. "He wouldn't take a job in a pie factory!"

That’s deep. It’s also unsettling. Your readers hold you in high regard, Peggy, and when you write something that – at first glance – makes absolutely no earthly fucking sense, well... it makes a person feel stupid. My first guess is that this is some feeble kind of non sequitur commentary on welfare, but it may just be that your mutant mind has transformed itself into its gaseous state as a defense mechanism against the ascendant evil of your soul. It’s a toss up.

Well, I’d like to continue this wonderful dance, Peggy, you barren shitheel, but you’ve filled the final half of your column with a cheesy re-printing of the entire ballad of John Henry. So I’ll wrap this up. Your gasping reverence for backwoods/folksy ignorance might be touching if it weren’t so manipulative, insincere, disingenuous, self-serving and downright retarded.

Reincarnation Citation

On personal note, I’d just like to express my appreciation for XerxdeeJ: a good human being with a splendid blog: Tied the Leader. LYRC is an inadequate forum to express my gratefulness, but it’s all I’ve got. A belated gracias to Xerx for being a font of straight-up decency. A moment of silence for all those poor bastards who have lived for too long in the presence of the Guardians.

Ever Evolving Anti-Evolution Revolution

Everybody's talking evolution again. Check out Yglesias' flagrant foolishness, rabidly followed by Mad Mike's rebuttal (via Majikthise). Finally, get a load of what's being offered up by Crooks and Liars (USA Today!?).

Personally, I hope this keeps up. I hope the right-wingers keep on chugging away with their pitiful cause célèbre. The Left could really use some practice on easy targets for awhile - they'll help us build mend our tattered self-esteem.

NOTE: I'm such a terrible wordsmith.

More reasons to love cheerleaders and mistrust journalists

As if we needed another reason to love cheerleaders: These kuties should wear little domino masks and capes and go around fighting crime. Well, they should wear little domino masks and capes, anyway.

Boston newspaper gets it all wrong: We don't worship "Bob", slack is more than simple "fun", its Subgenii, not Subgeniuses. Etc, etc. You know, one of the great things about the C of the SG, whether you view it as a prank, or a multimedia collaborative art project, or even a real religion is that it is endlessly complicated and hard to understand--something that this article acknowledges, even as it oversimplifies the whole thing as much as possible, so that the various glorps, pinks, and po'buckers who read the piece can feel like they have one up on other glorps, pinks, and po'buckers. Its supposed to be absurd, self-contradicting and confusing as all get out. Then some hack looking for a nice puff piece comes along, tries to make the whole thing more "simple" and "easy to understand", and doesn't even give the Holy PO Box, the web address, or instructions for joining the Yahoo group. Lucky for Ms Jessica Van Sack that High Sheriff Dick KRSNA's All-Nite Temple of Thundering Conflict schism-ed a long time ago, or she might wake up some morning with the claw put on her, and a living room full of un-debeaked prairie squid. But I schism-ed back in the late '80's. And I guess people can just google the various websites. And the po box is on most any piece of SubG propaganda you can find. Ok, you know what? Fuck "Bob"--he screwed my highschool sweetheart while I was getting punch and cookies at the prom, then he burned me on a 'frop deal. When the pleasure saucers come, I'm gonna go into the transfiguration chambers, turn myself into a giant foot, then hunt down Mr. Dobbs and kick him one in the teeth.

Or kill me.

MC CHRIS OWNS!

I can't let Eric and Wilson have all the fun posting their concert-going experiences.

On Saturday night, the commenter you know as Fock and I attended a concert put on by MC Chris. If you are an avid watcher of Adult Swim—the Dada-esqe comedy, not the anime, which I've never been a fan of (sorry, Richard)—you have certainly heard MC Chris as MC Pee Pants on Aqua Teen Hunger Force and as Hesh on Sealab 2021. In episode 9 of Sealab 2021, the crew attends an MC Chris show, where he performs the unbelievably brilliant "Fett's Vette." And thus began my love of MC Chris.

He's actually not a bad rapper. Sure, he's a squeaky-voiced white guy, but he's got serious flow. He loves the genre; his music really doesn't qualify as parody. It's simply his unique take on hip-hop. (I can't heap enough praise on MC Chris' musical partner John, who gives the hip-hop a decidely drum-and-bass flair and is willing to sample Bach.)

Most importantly, though: MC Chris is a geek, plain and simple. Fett's Vette is about Star Wars. He name-drops Dairy Queen. He opens his latest album proclaiming "MC Chris owns." He raps about tripping on Robotussin. MC Chris gives "geeks, nerds, and losers" (his phrase) access to popular culture, providing a legitimate peek into a musical genre that has never really spoken to them. I watched a clean-cut tubby guy wearing a Jabba the Hutt t-shirt and a death-metal-y pierced guy in a Cannibal Corpse t-shirt both purchase the same MC Chris shirt. Do you think either of those guys listened to much hip hop before MC Chris? He was even interviewed by Slashdot, making him as big as Wil Wheaton.

With his musician behind him clicking on a Powerbook, MC Chris worked more as a stand-up comedian for the geeks, nerds, and losers who also has a few cult-popular tunes. He thanked the World of Warcraft players for leaving their houses for the first time in 20 days. "I know how you guys are with sunlight." He performed the above-linked Hesh birthday song for an audience member. MC Chris knows his audience, and he gives them exactly what they want. His set was short on tunes, but heavy on attitude, stage presence, and hilarious, self-flagellating rants. Fock and I laughed uproariously.

I was also incredibly impressed by his gratitude and appreciation of his fans. He stood at the merchandise table and gave autographs and took photos with fans until the line was gone. Fock and I were able to get a personal introduction thanks to a random mutual friend (thanks, Annie). I found him to be incredibly genial and gracious of our support. And he autographed my CD.

So I encourage you to check out MC Chris. You can download a few songs from his website, and his album Eating's Not Cheating has some excellent moments, like the dialogue at the end of "Toothpickspliffs," where the urinating sound effect is questioned—"Why are you peeing? It's a song about weed." Maybe you won't get all the references like us geeks do, but you'll appreciate the beats, I assure you.

Peter Jennings 1938–2005

Moment of silence for Peter Jennings.

Bullets Into Broadway

Harvey Fierstein Gets a Wife!

Glory in excelsis Deo! Some meat-starved, lamb-chopped killjoy at Whole Foods mistakenly threw someone else’s organic string cheese in with my groceries. As luck would have it, I discovered the (blessedly organic) cheese in the same bag as a highly poisonous bottle of petite sirah. Now said cheese is undergoing biomechanical conversion into an environmentally friendly organic turd. Glory in excelsis Deo!

Earlier today, while I was aimlessly kicking pebbles in the gutter, it occurred to me that the seventeenth century French deists like François-Marie Arouet and Jean-Baptiste Poquelin are largely to blame for everything being all screwed up in the world. When you hit something, you’d better hit it so hard that it stays down. Otherwise, it’ll dig you up after you’re dead and throw your corpse on a garbage heap. If the Deists weren’t such pansies, maybe Jesus’ Army wouldn’t have succeeded in its horrible march to ruin the New World. No? Well, those were my thoughts as I sulked into my murky apartment and read this

Rosie O’Donnell is heading to Broadway to star in Fiddler on the Roof, just a day after it was announced the show will close next January (06). O'Donnell will play Golde opposite actor Harvey Fierstein’s Teyve.

You could’ve knocked me over with a feather. (Review). To give you a little perspective, here’s how Rosie became a professional stage actress:

I walked onto the empty stage of a Broadway theatre, and […] called out to the producers in the darkness: "Hey listen, I can't really sing and dance - but I'll sell a lot of tickets!" Those producers […] recognized my particular talent... and got me my Equity Card.

Isn’t that cute!?

The point here, of course, is that historical precedent means nothing. Causation is a myth. Original intent is irrelevant. There are no godfathers of culture, no philosophical underpinnings to society. People are glabrous, fearful, confused monkeys (e.g. Tonya Harding (NSFW)).

Screw this. I’m going to finish my wine and go make some new friends.

Have I Mentioned I Hate NASA?

Frequent readers of this blog know that I hate NASA. NASA is a cancerous, rapidly metastasizing tumor on the US budget.

Today, I read A Rocket to Nowhere. This well-written and well-researched blog entry argues that the Space Shuttle and International Space Station programs are worthless Cold War relics, that NASA's only valuable purpose is currently in unmanned missions, and that funding for NASA is simply for military purposes and because NASA always gets funding without question. The billions of dollars spent to send seven astronauts into space to press buttons for negligible research could save countless school systems and feed countless poor people.

With the Shuttle program grounded yet again, I think it's time for some serious attention to be paid. I think manned space flight would be an excellent issue for Democrats to pick up, to flaunt the exorbitant funds thrown at a worthless program and offer alternatives to how that money can be spent. Sure, Democrats can't say right now that manned space flight should be canned (not like us powerless bloggers can), but Democrats can surely ask, "Why are we spending billions of dollars on something that is outdated, is serving no purpose, and is falling apart?" They should ask, "Shouldn't we spend far less money while you focus on not only building a new system that won't fall apart everytime you launch it but also has an important purpose?" And finally, "What are we doing with men and women in space that we can't do with unmanned probes?"

NASA should focus on telling us what's out there and defending us from what's out there (asteroids in our path, Xenu). And when there is a reason to send humans into space that's more important than public relations or do-it-before-the-pinkos-do-it, the have a good reason and a good plan. It's a shitload of our money, and we should demand nothing less.

(Via Waxy.org)

Novak is Rove's Whore, so He Should Look the Part

It wasn't Robert Novak saying "that's bullshit" (an exclamation often used to describe Novak's columns) and storming off the air on CNN that made me raise my eyebrow all Vulcan-like. It was Novak's claim that, like Katherine Harris, some evil, conveniently nameless newspaper has Photoshopped his makeup.

Well, God forbid I let a claim like that go un-Photoshopped.



(If you haven't seen the video, here's a QuickTime movie.)

UPDATE: More Novak Photoshops.

Huzzah for Tourist Traps!

Well, Lisa and I just got back from our quick trip to Chicago; we still had a bunch of junk in Mike Daley's basement that we had to get back to Tucson, and we wanted to go to Kimberly Senior/Lance Baker's wedding (a sidenote--if Bad Guys* wanted to utterly destroy Chicago off-loop theatre, that wedding would have been the place to set off the satchel charges, and how.), and we stopped in to see Michelle DiMaso and her girl Kim's twin boys (cute as a couple of bug's ears, and how again)

It was a brutal trip, overall; 14-hour days of driving have made a mess of me. I catch myself trying to check my rearview mirror while walking. Hopefully, that will wear off...

But there were some good times--I somehow finished the new Harry Potter (ruled--my second fave after Prisoner of Azkaban. Hey JK! More werewolves!), the aforementioned wedding and babies, the beauty of New Mexico, the high-class breed of rednecks they grow in Oklahoma, sex while driving at 70 mph...

But you don't want to hear about any of that. I'm here today to tell you of the two great roadside attractions we managed to squeeze in!

The Thing?--a couple hours outside of Tucson--I think its in Cochise, but I'm not sure. I've been wanting to stop here since we first made the trip out here from Chicago. A classic tourist trap--huge giftshop/Dairy Queen/gas station/attraction. I'm not gonna tell you the nature of The Thing? itself--although I will say that I am convinced that the burned-out Stuckeys up the road is the result of said Thing? striking out in search of a pecan log one dark night, and giving in to its destructive impulses. But the other junk leading up to the Thing? proper is great. I am especially fond of the vintage car witht he sign above it reading "This car is believed to have been used by Adolph Hitler. The THING is, we can't prove it". Of course, this part of the attraction would not be complete without a cheezy mannequin of Mr. Hitler in the back seat. He looks very crabby. Also of note is the history of torture tableau--carved wood statues of folks getting branded and put to the rack and suchlike--which would look great in my living room. The various rusted farm implements and broken matchlock rifles are also somewhat inexplicable, and thus, amusing. The giftshop is pretty good, too. One day, I hope to decorate my office witht the complete line of Collectible Hillbilly Figurines.

The Big Texan, in Amarillo, Texas. Hoo-BOY! This place is a living nightmare for any number of kinds of folks--vegetarians, animal rights activists, snobs of every stripe, people who don't care for stuffed-rattlesnake-head keychains--but since I am none of these, I was in heaven. I swear, if I lived in Amarillo, I would be at this place every day. I hardly know where to begin. The obvious draw is the 72-oz steak challenge. I guess you all know the drill from King of the Hill and Simpsons episodes; eat the 5-pound steak, get the sucker free. But not just the steak! Oh, no, to win, you must consume a full steak dinner (giant hunk of meat, baked potato, salad, shrimp cocktail, roll) in one hour, without standing up, leaving the table, or puking. On a stage in the middle of the dining room. With people taking pictures of you. Little kids pointing a laughing. I'm telling you, gang--you have no idea how entertaining this is to watch. Lisa and I sat there for two hours, watching people try to do this, criticizing various techniques (it seems that slow and steady wins the race yet again. The last guy we saw make the attempt also seemed to have the winning trick of just making like he was eating dinner--none of the dogged, determined air of the other guys who tried; this fella was joking with his friends and people who came up to cheer him on, and just seemed to be plain enjoying himself. Big fella, about 60, looked like an old Marine. I wish we could have stayed to watch him. I'll bet he did it.) As much as I would have liked to have seen someone actually win, it was pretty fun to watch folks fail, too. This one frat-boy-type kid was especially amusing; he attacked that cow like it was a race, and about an eighth of the way in, just put his head down on the table and shook with shame and pain. Comedy! One of the regulars there told us that he had seen a 12-year-old girl actually win. Words cannot express how much I wish I could have seen that.

As if this wasn't enough to recommend the place, add in the animal heads lining every wall, the strolling 3-man hillbilly music band that took requests, the cute Texas-girl waitresses in cowboy outfits, the amazingly gory and disturbing Haunted Saloon Shooting Gallery and the kick-ass gift shop. My only regret is that Lisa wouldn't let me buy a miniature jackalope to put on the dash of the pickup.

If I never manage to achieve my lifelong dream of being a television horror-movie host, perhaps I'll just open up a tourist trap.


*I would like to ask you all to join me in swearing to never use the term "terrorist" again. If we just say "Bad Guys", it won't really solve anything, but it'll make life more like a comic book.

I Get So Emotional Baby

When I'm standing in line at a coffee shop, drifting off to sleep, relaxing on a park bench, or just passing the time, I often contemplate the various mechanisms I've devised to cut my own head off with a chainsaw. Yes, I lead an unenviable existence. Fortunately, there are people – as wretched as my own reality is – I'm thankful that I'm not (i.e. Philip Schuth, Leonard Monfredo). Unfortunately, while anecdotal incidents of misery provide a fleeting pang of schadenfreude (a guilty pleasure at best), my gutted and desiccate neuropsychological condition demands a more potent salve. Enter Bobby Brown. I am alive today because of Being Bobby Brown. While reality-television (an oxymoron if ever there was one) may be in decline, Being Bobby Brown has carved out a one-of-a-kind niche all its' own, and I'm hooked on it like a crack baby on the titty of a crack whore. All I can think while I’m watching it is, "Christ almighty, I'm sooooo glad I'm not these people". No, I don’t have money or fame or a bunch of people to spend my time with. No, I'm not free to spend my days in relative leisure. But I'm also not a completely horrible person. And that – that right there – is all the personal affirmation I need to keep on going. So thank you Bobby Brown. Thank you.

Shout Out To The Homie

On a personal note, I'd like to wish my elder brother good luck as he ships off today for Basic Training in the The United States Army (ultimate destination: PSYOPs). Have fun, muchacho. And don't worry; the Marines seem to be the ones with all the bad luck.

How Folks are Finding This Site

Here are the top 20 searches from July that led to this site (i.e., what the user typed into Google or Yahoo! to get here).

1. oracle logo
2. charlie saikley
3. dan proctor
4. dan proctor actor
5. throat gag
6. transvestites
7. chet helms
8. handwriting
9. bathroom signs
10. best karaoke songs
11. dan proctor chicago
12. keg stand
13. noel huecias
14. the shocker
15. bebo scam
16. shocker
17. gag throat
18. luther vandross gravesite
19. chris knowles fox news
20. hockey

"Hockey"?

If you think searches for demeaning* oral pornography showing up twice in the top 20 is funny, you should see the bottom 20 searches (which is basically all of the searches that led to only one hit, ordered alphabetically, like you really care):

1. wheel fortune ichthys
2. who moved the cheese wav
3. who's a good boy
4. why does stigmutha keep fucking with me
5. wjs consulting and orlando
6. woman kicked in nuts
7. women's bathroom sign
8. women's bathroom signs
9. words can say haw much i love you
10. world weekly news and tim gratz
11. wrigley field flasher
12. wwii reenactments
13. www.beautifulagony.com video
14. www.chicagotribune.com
15. www.stocking slaves.com.com
16. wyoming blog sansonetti
17. xur and the kodan armada
18. yahoo bought konfabulator
19. you have volunteered yourself to and old folks home . how could
20. zarkawi.com (I'm not sure how this got someone to this site.)

Here's the whole list of referring search terms for July. ("Photos of Pooped Pants" is interesting.)

*By "demeaning," I mean "oddly intriguing," of course.

I'm not saying I had anything to do with it...

For the first time on this blog, I made some complaints about Apple. The first time ever. It was a Thursday.

Five days later, upgraded Mac minis and iBooks come out with 512MB of RAM standard.

A week after that, Apple releases Mighty Mouse. Lame name, sweet-ass design.

I'm not saying I'm clarivoyant or that Apple values my opinion or that this blog has the power to steer massive corporations, but perhaps I should levy one more complaint against Apple:

• Apple won't give me a free 23" Cinema Display.

Slashdot hasn't posted it yet, but I can't wait to read the "hell freezes over" comments the 133t hax0rz are going to post.

UPDATE: That didn't take long.

Rambler Passes Emissions Test

Mucho apologies of the ill-formatted html, but here's a grotesquely flattering (i.e. fundamentally dishonest) assessment of my "sense of humor" courtesy of the The 3 Variable Funny Test. By the way, over the years I've grown thoroughly bored by Woody Allen.

The Wit: (82% dark, 17% spontaneous, 5% vulgar)

You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean you're pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat.

I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer. Your sense of humor takes the most effort to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais

ADDENDUM: Boy, that really screwed up the formatting! Maybe Arlo can fix it. HAW HAW HAW!!!!

FURTHERMORE: Just kidding.

Bionic Super-Cyborgs This Way Comes

Norbert Wiener

In a serendipitous instance of circular causality, I was recently loaned a fresh copy of Dark Hero of the Information Age by Flo Conway and Jim Siegelman. Detailing the life of Norbert Wiener (from youth prodigy to founding father of Cybernetics), it's an excellent introduction (for profoundly stupid people such as myself) to information technologies. Moreover, the authors make a compelling argument that the future of such technologies will perforce become increasingly analogue-based. This makes a good deal of sense considering the importance of feedback in analogue systems (as well as the limitations of purely digital systems). I'm a grunting, slobbering retard when it comes to the technical characteristics of cybernetics, but I nonetheless would encourage those that consider themselves computer nerds to read the dust jacket (and possibly the epilogue) of this slickly written biography the next time they find themselves in a bookstore with a little time to kill.

Bush is only an inch-and-a-half from an asshole.

Case in point:

In making the appointment, Bush was calculating that Senate outrage would be limited and not spill over to confound his nomination of John Roberts as a Supreme Court justice, who he hopes will be in place at the high court by the time it reconvenes October 3.

Oh, let it spill.

UPDATE: Here a good video reminder (QuickTime) of why Bolton is the last person we want on the UN.