Entertainment Souffle

First, allow me to pass on a link that I've been shamed into posting: Instant Karma. (Thank Stiggie for this one). Now, to make up for introducing you to that monstrosity of carnage, check out this existential link for a soothing rejoinder to the reality of your odd life as a primate: Modern Living. Finally, here are two internet based commercials for your enjoyment: I. Car, II Beer.

Great. Where was I? Oh yes. I finally got around to seeing all of the nominees for Best Picture. Like you really care… here is my mini-blog rundown:

Sideways. Easily the densest, most layered and intelligent film of the year. Of all the films nominated this year for Best Picture, this movie gives itself entirely over to the characters and the story (as opposed to the personalities of the actors or the stylistic imperatives of the director). This is a huge film masquerading as a low-budget buddy flick.

Finding Neverland. The only other film on the list (besides Sideways) that actually deserves the award. Unassuming and surprisingly humble, it is utterly seamless in conveying its central themes. The respect it has for artistry, along with it's unapologetic celebration of artistic manipulation, will surely backfire and drive audiences and Academy voters away. Spectacular implosions of huge personalities are inevitably more appealing to watch than subtle displays of beauty.

Million Dollar Baby. Stylistically predictable, given Eastwood's penchant for broody and quiet reflections on aging. Personally, I think that having Morgan Freeman deliver voiceover narration is, frankly, tantamount to cheating (without it, Shawshank Redemption probably would have been unwatchable). It's a tight movie, but too sluggish and geriatric to deserve timeless honors and endless accolades. I wouldn't be disappointed if Hillary Swank gets another Oscar for this one.

Ray. Superbly acted and adroitly directed. The only real shortfall was that it was so thematically limited for such an epically long movie. Mostly, one walks away thinking, "Jamie Foxx was really convincing as Ray Charles"…and little else. Much of the spiritual backbone of the film comes from Ray's music; it's like an essay that's really good because it's filled with great quotations. Surprisingly good work from Sharon Warren as Ray's mother.

The Aviator. Total shit. A complete waste of time.

My prediction for the film that will walk away with the Best Picture Oscar: The Aviator.

I'm Lonely

Rocky X: The Swallowing
Originally uploaded by Kelly Cooper.

"Step 1: Buy yourself a rock melon, canteloupe, or honeydew melon. Cut a round hole in one end a bit smaller than your dick. Scoop out a little of the inside but not too much. Step 2: Nuke it good. Heat the melon in a microwave (be careful!) and squirt in some baby oil. Step 3: Ahhhhh! Step 4: (Optional): On the opposite side of the melon from where your penis enters it, make a small hole with a skewer or small knife, no bigger than a pencil eraser, but reaching all the way in to the "vagina." Wrap your hand around the melon after you insert your erection and put your finger over the hole on the outstroke. Remove your finger on the in-stroke, replace it over the hole on the outstroke. Feels like a mouth going down on your cock, then sucking on it as it draws back." [Source (NSFW)]

V.I. Warshawski v. Ali Baba-Zarkawi

Here's another fun development in the ongoing brouhaha surround the interrogation of suspected Islamic fundamentalist terrorist jihadist marauders:

The female interrogator wanted to “break him” […] she removed her uniform top to expose a tight-fitting T-shirt and began taunting the detainee, touching her breasts, rubbing them against the prisoner’s back and commenting on his apparent erection.

The detainee looked up and spat in her face, the manuscript recounts.

The interrogator left the room to ask a Muslim linguist how she could break the prisoner’s reliance on God. The linguist told her to tell the detainee that she was menstruating, touch him, then make sure to turn off the water in his cell so he couldn’t wash.

Excuse me while I bend over a little bit and suppress a chuckle. (heh… *ahem* heh heh). I don't pretend to understand this little strange little piece of theatre, but I'm guessing that we're supposed to infer that this woman's actions amounted to a kind of torture, given the inane religiosity of the detainee. Instead, it reads like trashy and barely literate erotica. We're going to see a great many movies about this era in the years to come; it's a safe bet that we'll see a few scenes that look to incidents like this one for source material.

Dumbest Moments in Business 2005

These are always good for a laugh every year, though last year you could read all 101 without a subscription. Nevertheless, the top 10 is still hilarious, including this gem:

After joining the Bank of Ireland as CEO, Michael Soden issues a dictate: No porn surfing on the job. His next dictate: The IT department is to be outsourced to Hewlett-Packard. Shortly after the outsourcing deal goes through, IT staffers, now employed by HP, discover porn on Soden's computer. Soden resigns, leaving the bank and HP scrapping over who should pay his severance, estimated at $5 million.

It never ceases to amaze me—I broke my own rules, so give me $5 million. Michael Soden, on behalf of the Like You Really Care bloggers and readership, go fuck yourself.

(Via BoingBoing.)

Ha Ha Ha!!! Animals Lose Again.

Humans 5 - Rodents 0
Originally uploaded by Kelly Cooper.

Once again, we return to the War on Animals. Apparently, there's a woman, a horrible bitch, ...an artist who has decided that killing rats and jamming them on her fingers like little puppets is somehow okay, so long as she takes a photograph of it. You go, girl! Power to the people.

Staring Forelornly Into The Middle Distance, He Saw...

...some random stuff to divert your attention.

A Great (but slightly dated) article titled “The Godly Must Be Crazy”, by Glenn Scherer.

A fantastic website posting secrets. A couple of my favorites:

Except for my cat, there’s really no one in my life who needs me. Not my sister. Not my friends – though I see them fairly often. But I feel sure that if I were to disappear or die, no one would sit around feeling that their life is worse without me.

I peed in my snowpants once and sat in the snow for awhile trying to hide it.

The interesting saga of indie-filmmakers in a desperate attempt to get superstar Johnny Depp to star in their original movie, “Narcophonic: The Ballad of Bad Bax” - Do It For Johnny.

Go HERE and click on picture number 10: a Japanese man bathing with snow monkeys! (A couple of weeks ago I visited the snow monkeys at the Lincoln Park Zoo. Man, they’re freaky and mean looking. Seriously.)

@$*%@! Y'all ~ I'm Drunk...!

Liver Damage
Originally uploaded by Kelly Cooper.

Whenever I try to post a photo it simply will not work. I'm trying again. I'm also soliciting dates. Well ladies...any takers?


UPDATE: In the spirit of full disclosure, I should mention that I was not drunk when this photograph was taken. I just look drunk (insofar as conventional notions of inebriation are concerned). When I’m actually drunk, I look very different.

Hungry Man Meat Loaf

For a project I'm doing for school, I had to take a photograph of a frozen dinner.

In the interest of science, I forced myself to shovel all of the advertised "over 1 lb. of food" down my gullet if only for the benefit of science.

My findings:

1. Frozen mashed potatoes have the consistency of Spackle.
   
   
2. The "Apple Crumble" is neither apple-y or crumbly. In fact, at the bottom of the dessert compartment, there was a milky white residue that looked exactly like semen, though tasted much sweeter than semen (a comparison I am able to make only by happenstance, not by deliberate intent).
   
   
3. The corn was good.
   
   
4. The Meat Loaf was unlike anything I've ever eaten. I believe it can only be characterized as having the taste, texture, and consistency of ass.
   
   
5. "Hungry Man" is quite a misnomer. Despite the aforementioned "over 1 lb. of food," I was still hungry long after consuming it. I hypothesize that because the Hungry Man dinner is completely devoid of any nutritional value, my body began to demand vitamins and minerals. So I drank a glass of milk and
   ate some guacamole.

My final conclusion, however, about the Hungry Man dinner is still pending, as I have not pooped yet.

Avoiding Peripheral Vision

Selected excerpts from the Presidential Press Conference held earlier this morning:

I'm looking forward to the work ahead. And now I'm looking forward to answering some of your questions.

And so I look forward to leading the world in that direction for the next four years.

I'm looking forward to the challenge, and I'm looking forward to reaching out to our friends and allies…

Dr. Rice and I look forward to moving forward. We look forward to working to make sure the Iraqis have got a democracy. We look forward to continuing to make sure Afghanistan is as secure as possible from potential Taliban resurgence. We look forward to spreading freedom around the world.

I look forward to working with Congress to fund what is necessary to help those troops complete their mission.

We look forward to working to hold the line with the United States Congress on spending.

I am looking forward to working with both Republicans and Democrats to advance a plan that will permanently solve Social Security.

THE PRESIDENT: […] And so, therefore, if you have a child -- how old is your child, Carl?

Q Fourteen years old.

THE PRESIDENT: Yes, 14. Well, if she were –

Q: He, sir.

THE PRESIDENT: He, excuse me. (Laughter.) I should have done the background check. (Laughter.) She will -- when she gets ready to -- when she's 50, the system will be broke, if my math is correct.

I'm looking forward to leading the Congress. And I'm looking forward to taking the case to the American people.

I look forward to taking off shortly thereafter and traveling around the country discussing this issue.

I look forward to working with the Congress to move the process forward.

I'm looking forward to my visit with him this afternoon.

I look forward to a fruitful discussion of all ideas, with the exception of raising the payroll tax.

I look forward to working with members of the Congress to achieve big, notable reform.

I look forward to working with members of both parties to get a good energy bill out.

I'm looking forward to discussing it with members of both parties.

I'm looking forward to working with people of both parties on the issue.

I've talked with people, I feel like people are looking forward to working with us.

I'm looking forward to working with as many members as we can.

I'm looking forward to working with her.

Listen, thank you all, very much, for your time. I appreciate this. And I'm looking forward to working with you all as we have a productive 2005.

Thank you.

Spam Philosophy

From an email soliciting "secret shoppers":

I speak Spanish to God, Italian to women, French to men, and German to my horse.
Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
The best rules to form a young man, are, to talk little, to hear much, to reflect alone upon what has passed in company, to distrust one's own opinions, and value others that deserve it.

I'm sure these are stolen from somewhere.

UPDATE: The first quote is Charles V. The second is Ambrose Bierce. The third is William Temple.

Bomb-sniffing Kittens Would Also be a Violation of my Civil Liberties, but It Would be ADORABLE!

Reader e-mail:

So, OK, I've been diligently visiting the site and improving my pop-culture and political education like a good boy...

But I have to say I'm dismayed that so far this week I've read posts about V-Day T shirts and Oscar B.S., whilst nobody has anything to say about the Supreme Court's decision yesterday to allow police to use drug-sniffing dogs during routine traffic stops! Apparently this is NOT a violation of our constitutional rights...yeah, right.

I guess we can all forget about toking up during rush hour. :-(

And it's true, too, and argued by Illinois' Attorney General, for whom I voted.

The Pandora's Box was opened by the Patriot Act, and this is another example. Sure, the dog can only examine the exterior of the car, so if you have your bag stashed well, you have nothing to worry about. This decision does expand the powers, though, and can indeed lead to more loosening of the reins on police in ways that will inconvience even those who are doing nothing wrong.

But if you're toking during rush hour, the cops won't need a dog. They'll just need their nose. If a cop pulls you over and smells weed, he doesn't need a dog to search your car -- the inside of your car.

Oh, and thank you for slowing your reflexes and lessening your cognitive skills while driving and putting my life and yours in danger. I appreciate that. Just because I think marijuana should be legalized doesn't mean you should be able to toke and drive.

Passion Nominated For Best Makeup

The nominations are in! Like most observers of the Academy Awards, I pay attention because the Hollywood juggernaut is unstoppable in their angry and gluttonous compulsion for force their bullshit down my throat. I like movies plenty, but the self-congratulatory opulence and hyper-fetishization of celebrity that fuel these embarrassing trophy spectacles is positively overwhelming.

But we all know that. Every year I try to get myself invited to an Oscar party; place wagers on predictions, make disparaging comments about the fashion choices of millionaires, drink copiously, and hope that Elizabeth Taylor shows up in a drugged stupor to misread the teleprompter. Perhaps the real reason that people love the Academy Awards so much isn't because we're fond of the films or smitten by the stars, but because they affords us – by virtue of the sheer magnitude of their hubris – a guilt-free opportunity to mercilessly belittle them. It's okay that you raked in $20 million this year for sulking, impersonating celebrities, pretending you have a disability, or pretending to be a disabled celebrity; just make sure that you walk the red carpet from time to time so we can laugh at your outfit and mock your movie.

Or maybe it's something else that makes the Oscars such a magnet for our attention. It's not enough that a movie resonate in an artistic and fulfilling way with us. It's not enough that the makers of our entertainments achieve excellence. We need them to be winners. We need our own tastes – the reflections or our inner selves – validated in the larger culture: what I liked is better than what you liked and therefore my sense of what is right and good and meaningful is more highly developed than yours which totally means that I'm a more evolved species who is closer to God and will undoubtedly live forever as His favorite in all of creation. Something like that.

I don't know.

What I do know is that The Aviator was a boring and useless waste of time and Leonardo DiCaprio no more deserves a fucking trophy simply for doing his goddamn job than anyone else on this planet who slaves away through the tedium and drudgery of their daily occupation.

I probably won't be invited to any Oscar parties this year.

Valentine's Day is Coming

Here are two suggestions for what you can get me for Valentine's Day:

1. The "Jesus Helps Me Trick People" t-shirt. (The fourth shirt down.)

2. An introduction to the women in the photo.

(Note to Lesley: Aww, c'mon. That photo is hot.)

Rose Mary Woods 1917–2005

Erased the tape by accident? That's quite a stretch.



Nevertheless, moment of silence for Rose Mary Woods.





























UPDATE: Rose Mary died two days before William Safire leaves the New York Times Op-Ed page. Coincidence? Will Kissinger have a heart attack this week? Is G. Gordon Liddy finally going to get the anal knife-fuck he deserves?

Despair with a Beat You Can Dance To

Kelly's recent post linked to a side-splittingly hilarious video.

I asked myself, what could make this even funnier?

And then my urge to procrastinate answered—terrible music.

Too long has the icon for GarageBand sat in my dock without being clicked. I finally had the inspiration to click it and try it out.

Behold, the God-awful Dark Night remix (9.8MB MP3).

UPDATE: I've sent a link to this song to the guy who made the original video. I submitted it as a comment to his blog entry featuring the video. It seems as though he approves all comments before they are published. In the meantime, if anyone else wishes to contact him to say "Dig what this guy did to your video," here's how.

UPDATE 2: I should also note that I don't want to abuse this guy. After all, he is an Internet celebrity. But he did post a nervous breakdown under a Creative Commons license, so, the way I look at it, this song is what he would want.

Johnny Carson 1925–2005

Make a point to watch Letterman tomorrow night; when Letterman has something poignant to say, he typically does it well, and Letterman loved Carson. In the meantime, moment of silence for Johnny Carson.



























UPDATE: Letterman is a rerun Monday night. But watch it anyway to see the Pixies.

DSL stands for "Daily Sustained Laughing"

I worked out my issues with SBC and got DSL properly installed. Thank the Lord. I was finally able to watch this damn thing. After a few minutes of mortification, I laughed so hard I think a tore something in my throat.

What Do You Really Know About The Bible?

Enjoy this fun Bible quiz sent by Stigmutha/Stiggy/Black Ops/Overlord Fock/whatever-the-fuck-Sean's-calling-himself-now. I think while many of us agree that The Good Book is anything but "good," we can all agree on that "Don't boil a young goat in the milk of its mother" thing. It sounds like it would taste downright nasty.

A Show Of Hands In Your Ass

Yesterday, the folks at American Prospect started a little "suggestion box" (subsequently picked up by Daily Kos) in search of a 30 word sentence that accurately reflects what Liberalism stands for.

First, some thoughts from Bill Moyers in 2003:

Republicans still love a good brawl - they could appreciate the movie the Gangs of New York. Because they will claw, scratch, jam their knee to your groin and land an uppercut to the jaw after the bell has rung - and if they don't finish the job their partisan press will do it for them: Rush Limbaugh and the Darth Vaders of talk radio; the pamphleteers at the Wall Street Journal, Fox News, and a host of publications aided by big business.

But where are the Democrats? As the Republicans were coming back from the wilderness - lean, mean and hungry - Democrats were busy assimilating their opponents' belief system. In no small part because they coveted the same corporate money, Democrats practically walked away from the politics of struggle, leaving millions of working people with no one to fight for them. We see the consequences all around us in what a friend of mine calls "a suffocating consensus." Even as poverty spreads, inequality grows, and our quality of life diminishes, Democrats have become the doves of class warfare.

Back to the American Prospect et al.; the beginnings of a determined effort (a) to copy the Republicans by rhetorically pigeonholing our political ideology, and (b) to actively seek out a "suffocating consensus" from a wide array of intellectually suspect survey participants. Four years may seem like a long time when you're watching Bush performing his pinched little giggle on television, but it's not such a long time when you've got to rebuild a national political party from the ground up. We don't need consensus. We need a goddamn leader.

AND ANOTHER THING: The biggest problem that the Democrats face isn't that we don't know what we believe, it's that we don't have any balls. The 90's made the GOP angry; they got tough and grew fangs. Likewise, 9/11 didn't change Bush's worldview or enhance his ability to lead; it just pissed him off. Note to Democrats: you know what you believe so stop bellyaching about your time "in the wilderness" and start fighting back. Pussies.

Phone Phun

Like you really care, but I was just on the phone with SBC for 20 minutes trying to combine my cell phone (Cingular, owned by SBC) and my home phone/DSL on the same bill because I heard I can save money. I like to save money.

So after 1 minute of navigating phone menus, 17 combined minutes of being on hold, and 2 minutes of actually speaking to the operator, I discover they can't do it. Seems my service got interrupted last July because I hadn't paid the bill. Proper fiscal management is my goal for 2005.

After I find out that I can't combine my bills until July, assuming I have no trouble paying my bill between now and then, I ask the operator how much money I will save by combining my bills.

The answer: $3 a month.

We're those 20 minutes worth $3 a month?

Yeah, I'm petty.

Throwing Away The Key

A man has a sexual fetish. He doesn't attack people – he looks at them. He looks at them from his car. While in the car, he slouches down low. He wears thong panties and baggy shorts and covers himself with a "tremendous amount of Vaseline". He's nervous. He knows he has a problem. Fortunately, the government has a solution: 12 months in prison.

"They are not to exchange a word with each other under any pretense whatever; not to communicate in writing. They must not sing, whistle, dance, run, jump, or do anything that has a tendency in the least degree to disturb the harmony...or regulations of the prison," wrote Captain Elam Lynds of New York's Auburn Prison in 1824. Such was the guiding wisdom of 19th century penologists who were convinced that the "silent system" was the path to righteousness and a return to normal life.

Prison reformers felt that inmates had to be isolated from the rest of society. They believed this separation had to be done for the criminal to truly reform. Only after an inmate confronted his criminal past and acknowledged his guilt could a convict rebuild his shattered life. One penologist of the era said that this separation from society had to be so complete, that a prisoner had "to be literally buried from the world!" [Source]

It's comforting to know that traditional American values are still being staunchly adhered to and defended. The issue is not mental illness, perversion, anti-social behavior, or deviancy: it's about right and wrong.

HUMP DAY!

We're over halfway through.

Better Living Though Chemical Induction of Psychotropic Transformation

I found this article on economics and brain function interesting. From within:

People tend much to prefer, say, $100 now to $115 next week, but they are indifferent between $100 a year from now and $115 in a year and a week. In one recent experiment, […] [David] Laibson, [an economist at Harvard University] and others found that the brain's response to short-term riches (in this case, gift certificates of $15 or $20) occurs largely in the limbic system, a region that governs emotion. By contrast, the prospect of rewards farther into the future triggers the prefrontal cortex, which is often associated with reason and calculation. Thus, choosing immediate economic gratification, by spending excessively on credit cards or not saving enough even though you “know better”, could be a sign that the limbic system is in charge. Government policies, such as forced savings or “cooling off” periods for buying property or cars, may be one remedy.

I may be wrong, but if government policies designed to counteract the dominance of the limbic system in individual bodies make senses (which I believe they probably do), wouldn't such policies also be appropriate for government and corporate bodies as well? A group of shareholders is little more than a group of brains; each being just as capable as any other of sabotaging its' own long-term security. It may be truthful to espouse that the degradation of the environment is a consequence of "choosing immediate economic gratification", but it's also cliché. As we learn more about neurobiology, perhaps we can fashion a more accurate and constructive dialogue with those who would liquidate our heritage and view habitat as an "asset". When someone says, "I believe clear-cutting is good for forests", the proper response should be, "Well, that's a pharmaceutical issue".

Benighted Evil v. Enlightened Evil v. Beheaded Evil

Tom Tomorrow asks the question I’ve had on my mind for years:

Why isn't there a computer on the desk in the Oval Office?

All snarky banter about Bush’s cultural disconnect aside, what gives? The other day I picked up a new iMac G5 (20-inch), and lordy-pordy would one of these look great in the Oval Office! Somebody should buy that retard a computer.

On a related note:

A suicidal New Jersey man set a new standard for self-inflicted brutality when he decapitated himself by driving away from a light post with a rope tied around his neck.

Maybe that fuckin’ retard wouldn’t have yanked off his own head if someone had bought him an iMac G5. […] Hey. Wait a minute. Perhaps a computer in the Oval Office isn’t such a good idea after all.

More Spam Poetry

Perhaps from the same brilliant poet as our previous poem:

a saved dives allen scrum risks
world swift truck dress crisp daddy
swift peach fable goody eased koala
steel shall a throw float plain
pines gifts would shock proof aboil
grill rated towns macho place plump

And who is our poet?

hi there Arlobryanguthrie,
I'm a petite brunette w/ a sexual desire for submissive horney men that
would enjoy me and my girl to tie up and have our way with.
If you would like to go out to a c l u b or a morning brunch to see if
we are interested in you,
because we are very choosey on our selected. we don't do it offten but
enjoy the extra boom

[link removed]

HugsNKisses
superbgoddess4u

You'd think a literary genius like superbgoddess4u (and her friend) would be a better speller.

That didn't take long. (Server movement done)

Welcome to the new server. You can still reach us at www.likeyoureallycare.com, but the new URL to bookmark is:

http://www.arlodesign.com/likeyoureallycare/

If you're using the Atom feed:

http://www.arlodesign.com/likeyoureallycare/likeyoureallycare.xml

Now the question is when will I be finished designing this damn thing?

Egad, who knows.

Site News

The Defiant Theatre web server will be no more in a few weeks, and I just got paid. Therefore, this weekend, I'm moving the blog to a new server. Though you will always be able to reach the blog using www.likeyoureallycare.com, the real address that the domain forwards to (currently guthrie.defianttheatre.org) will change.

Therefore, you may not have access to the site this weekend, and perhaps longer, depending on how long the DNS record for arlodesign.com takes to update to the new webserver space I'm buying this weekend. Plus, if you have guthrie.defianttheatre.org bookmarked or you've subscribed to our Atom feed, these links will change. I can almost guarantee that the new domain will be http://likeyoureallycare.arlodesign.com/, but don't quote me on that.

This move also means that a lot of links are going to be broken in the old posts. I'm hoping I can start changing those soon, but that's going to take a long time (we're up to nearly 900 posts now in a little over two years).

Thank you for your patience, and thank you for being a loyal reader.

(Kelly, Temple, and Richard: Feel free to post today until 5 pm, but after that, please don't post until I've emailed you. Thanks.)

Why Does Stigmutha Keep Fucking With Me?

The Moment of Zen email this morning:

> iPod and Apple Bashing - Just like Mom used to make.
>
> The cult of the white wires....(unfortunately this
> is true)
> http://www.ipodsdirtysecret.com/
> (I'd have to say that if they expect me to pay
> 300-400 dollars, the fucking
> battery should be replaceable and not for a 250
> dollar fee)
>
> Robotussin and Redbull (submitted by Apple cult
> member A. Bryan Guthrie, AKA
> "I've got an Apple Vibrator!")
> http://www.gizmodo.com/images/bizzaro_ipod.mov
>
> Dissenting Opinion - '...they'd better think
> different. Oh, wait, that's
> their slogan, isn't it? Maybe they'd better think
> different differently. "
> http://www.bythom.com/apple.htm

It was his second Apple-bashing email in as many days. I wrote him an email, but I figured I'd post it here instead because that's the sort of guy I am. Here it goes:

Dear Sean,

I just wanted to respond to some of the inaccuracies and FUD in your email this morning.

1. You can replace your iPod's battery for $30:
   
   http://www.ipodbattery.com/
   
   And installation, while tricky, is not difficult:
   
   http://www.ipodbattery.com/slimipodinstall.htm
   
   I agree that Apple should make this easier instead of requiring owners to buy new iPods every two years. However, I, for one, know that in about a year-and-a-half, I will wish to matriculate from my current 15GB to 60 or 80 GB, so whatever.
   
   
2. Apple's DRM, while I agree is DRM which is always an issue for which I err on the side of user's rights, will allow you to put that song on up to five computers. It's more fair and less invasive than any DRM Microsoft has embedded into Windows Media Player.
   
   Don't like their DRM? Then don't buy songs from the iTunes Music Store; it's your money. Buy CDs, then, and rip them to MP3s (which iTunes will happily do). Or steal your music from the internet or from friends; I won't judge you...
   
   
3. Can't use your iPod to move music from one computer to another? Uh, wrong:
   
   http://docs.info.apple.com/article.html?artnum=300173
   
   The long and short of it, though, is that the iPod is a portable hard drive. Copy some music to it, carry it to a friend's computer, done. The point of the link is to show you that even Apple is willing to tell you how to do it.
   
   
4. Apple's DRM is the only one of two things truly closed about the iPod. AAC is an open format (it's also used by Real), anyone can sync with the iPod if they want (WinAmp can, for example with the ml-iPod plug in), and many manufacturers provide plug-ins for iTunes that will allow you to use a device other than an iPod, plug-ins created using an SDK supplied by Apple.
   
   Sure, Apple's protecting their market share and their investment, and protecting such intellectual property always infringes on user rights to information. However, nothing Apple has done even comes close to the sorts of user infringement inflicted by companies like Quark and Macromedia (draconian product activation schemes) and Microsoft (where do I begin?).
   
   I'm not defending Apple for everything they do. The other completely closed thing on the iPod is the operating system, and I think developers should be able to write applications for it. However, what seems like a closed architecture to so many people is actually closed just enough to make it less confusing for consumers and is plenty open for more advanced users.
   
   
5. It's called the iBrator:
   
   http://www.flamingmailbox.com/maccomedy/movies/ibrator.html
   
   

I know you're just having fun. I know I'm taking this too seriously. I also know how you would come down on me if I started extolling the virtues of the GameCube over the Xbox, but I wouldn't do that because I wouldn't know what I'm talking about.

There are plenty of things you can criticize Apple for that I'll agree with (overpriced RAM, the annual "Mac Tax" on incremental operating system updates, the bait-and-switch on iLife which used to be free). But don't spread lies, even if it is only about iPods; it's not good for either of us.

And finally, I'd just like to say that there's a reason many of of us who use Apple products are obsessed with them, especially those of us who spent years using Windows machines. I didn't choose to be obsessed with Apple products; if anything, I simply woke up.

Sorry to interrupt your morning. Please return to your virus-infected, spyware-ridden, poorly designed, non-intuitive Windows machine forced upon you through monopolistic practices.

-Arlo ;->

The President's Favorite Segue

The President's recent interview with the Washington Times has gotten a lot of blog play (my favorite is Low Culture's take).

I noticed that the President has a new favorite phrase, one he uses to say, well, here's what I'm supposed to say, and then there's the hand with which I smack the motherfucking country around.

1. "I think people attack me because they are fearful that I will then say that you're not equally as patriotic if you're not a religious person," Mr. Bush said. "I've never said that. I've never acted like that. I think that's just the way it is.
   
   "On the other hand, I think more and more people understand the importance of faith in their life," he said. "America is a remarkable place when it comes to religion and faith. We had people come to our rallies who were there specifically to say, 'I'm here to pray for you, let you know I'm praying for you.' And I was very grateful about that."
   
   
2. "I fully understand that the job of the president is and must always be protecting the great right of people to worship or not worship as they see fit," Mr. Bush said. "That's what distinguishes us from the Taliban. The greatest freedom we have or one of the greatest freedoms is the right to worship the way you see fit.
   
   "On the other hand, I don't see how you can be president at least from my perspective, how you can be president, without a relationship with the Lord," he said.
   
   
3. "The great thing about our country is somebody can stand up and say, 'We should try to take "under God" out of the Pledge of Allegiance,'" Mr. Bush said. "On the other hand, the backlash was pretty darn significant.
   
   "This is a country that is a value-based country," he said. "Whether they voted for you or not, there's a lot of values in this country, for which I'm real proud."

I Want Answers

Why?

Kelly's "Fucktard Hillbillies" Lose

It's a Like You Really Care follow-up. About a month ago, Kelly discussed the war against teaching evolution. Looks like one battle was won by those that appreciate the scientific method over blind, preposterous faith:

A federal judge Thursday ordered a suburban Atlanta school system to remove stickers from its high school biology textbooks that call evolution "a theory, not a fact," saying the disclaimers are an unconstitutional endorsement of religion.

-- snip --

"Science and religion are related and they're not mutually exclusive," school district attorney Linwood Gunn said. "This sticker was an effort to get past that conflict and to teach good science."

But the judge disagreed: "While evolution is subject to criticism, particularly with respect to the mechanism by which it occurred, the sticker misleads students regarding the significance and value of evolution in the scientific community."

To be nitpicky, I should point out that the sticker placed on the textbook was not a lie. However, it does exploit the little understood definition of the word theory. In the interest of time, I'm going to avoid the typical pretentiousness I often display and assume you know. (The sticker didn't say "hypothesis," which, yes, is a lie.)

I agree that the sticker singled out one single scientific theory for reasons that are not remotely scientific. This is a victory. My heart glistens with a smattering of hope.

Besides: "Evolution is a conscious process." –Charles Ludlam

UPDATE: I tend to use the word "however" too much, so I removed one.

More Spam Poetry

It's frenetic and free, like beat poetry, and it came attached to an email extoling the virtues of the online gambling industry:

rawlinson insular bland coneflower merrill jejunum inequivalent
mcknight mission alberich invaluable taxpayer creamy metalwork
springtime dominion bash benchmark crestfallen diacritic healy
try houdini loophole crossroad newark sell tattoo
shoofly tort bisexual mountainous absolute confiscatory atavism
bel paul bronchi transitory hydrology buckthorn balcony
macabre alpert cinquefoil conducive calamus deception capsize
chicagoan electret arrowroot maudlin emphysema nowadays shari
today occlusion knowlton brackish

High Holy Day of Apple Enthusiasts

Despite all of the drama surrounding this year's Macworld San Francisco keynote address (Apple suing ThinkSecret, no satellite feed or webcast of the keynote), the announcements bode well for my favorite corporation.

The rumored item I was looking forward to the most arrived in the form of the Mac mini. Why should I care? I already have a Powerbook, and if it had a vagina, I'd have sex with it. What do I need a second Mac for?

I'll tell you—for my living room.

Throw in an Airport card and Bluetooth, get the S-Video output doohickey, and I'd have a DVD player, a wireless media server and Internet router, and more. No more need for the beloved Airport Express, the Belkin 4-port Ethernet router, or the Ximeta hard drive. One box to rule them all.

I'm disappointed, however, that the largest hard drive they sell it with is 80GB. I was hoping for a build-to-order option for 160GB for storing music and backing up my Powerbook. (And until I see evidence to the contrary, it doesn't look like it the hard drive can be upgraded without voiding the warranty.) Furthermore, the S-Video output should be built in. Finally, like all Apple computers, the amount of included RAM is criminally small.

Still, maybe that's a little crazy. A DVD player and surround sound amplifier and all the speakers could be a lot cheaper than a decked-out Mac mini. I can already surf the web from my couch. I can already plug my Powerbook into my television. As much as I'd like to run some sort of web server out of my house, I've tried dynamic DNS before and never could get it to work properly.

So really, if I'm going to spend hundreds of dollars that I don't have, then it should really be on a new digital camera that can support RAW files. And now that the new iPhoto can process RAW files, I guess I'll have to get that, too.

Finally, I would just like to say that the iPod Shuffle is not for me, but it's pretty cool. It's not much different than any other small flash-based MP3 player, and it seems like it would be pretty easy to lose the cap like any other thumb drive. Otherwise, though, This is for joggers and folks who like to make mixes and folks who prefer to listen to CDs. Not a bad device, and priced well, too.

There are all sorts of new things Apple, all detailed on any Mac news site.

One last thing—your "Macs are too expensive" argument has now been trounced. The Mac mini starts at $499.

Okay, one more last thing—where the Hell is Asteroid?

UPDATE: Some thoughts on iWork:

• Keynote 2 can export to Flash, which is a brilliant addition.
• Pages is surely a great word processor/desktop publisher, but it is sorely missing HTML output. Give the average human being the ability to make their own web pages and sync them with .Mac. Perhaps Pages 2.
• No spreadsheet?

UPDATE 2: So I'm having trouble finding a definitive link, but it's looking like the Mac mini has no user serviceable parts, not even the RAM.

UPDATE 3: One last update before this post leaves the home page. From MacInTouch (which I should read more often):

I went back to the booth later and got a little more info on upgrading the Mac Mini.

1. Apple "does not recommend" that users upgrade the memory themselves - you're supposed to have a service provider do it if you want to add more after purchase - but doing it yourself does not void the warranty unless you damage something. A booth person told me the memory slot is easily accessible once you get the case open.
   
   
2. The hard drives are 2.5-inch (notebook drives) - that's why Apple isn't offering higher capacities (80 GB is about the largest available, at least in volume, in the 2.5-inch format). The booth person said she thought the Apple drives spin at 5,400 rpm, but she wasn't sure, and I haven't found any confirmation. The drive isn't readily accessible, so even when larger capacities become available, upgrading won't be easy.
   
   
3. You can add AirPort Extreme for $79 and/or Bluetooth for $50 if you're ordering the Mini from the Apple Store, but if you want to add wireless later, your only choice will be a kit that includes both AirPort Extreme and Bluetooth for about $129 ($112 to dealers). This stuff also is not user-installable, supposedly because it involves adding antennas as well as cards.

Nice to know that you can indeed upgrade the memory on your own and save a few beans. As for the hard drive, according to Daring Fireball, the hard drive is actually a 4,200 rpm and that the hard drive isn't that difficult to replace. However, about the biggest 2.5" notebook drive that's available for less than ridiculous prices is 100GB for nearly $300. For that price, you can plug in a sizeable Firewire or USB 2.0 drive and achieve similar performance.

A Fully Operational Death Star

Meet Your New Homeland Security Chief/Partisan Republican Political Appointee (Bush Picks Ex-Aide to Ashcroft for Homeland Security Post):

In turning to Judge [Michael] Chertoff, Mr. Bush tapped a man who has already been confirmed by the Senate three times. Most recently, he was approved by a vote of 88 to 1 on June 9, 2003, for his seat on the Third Circuit. The lone dissenter was Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York. Mr. Chertoff had been the Senate Republicans' chief counsel during the Whitewater investigation into President Bill Clinton's and his wife's business affairs. […]

Mr. Chertoff, who was head of the Justice Department's criminal division, was a proponent of military tribunals to try prisoners held at the Guantánamo Bay naval base in Cuba after the American-led campaign in Afghanistan.

Mr. Chertoff insisted, in the face of criticism, that the administration's tactics were constitutional as well as prudent.

This is tremendous. It's like a television sitcom with an idiot savant for a casting director; expect four more years of unimpeachably entertaining ideologues and villains. As someone who thoroughly despises Bush, I couldn't ask for anything more. I'm going to bathe in hatred, nurse disdain & malice, and give free reign to every malignancy of the imagination. Just as religious zealots use the concept of Satan to orient themselves philosophically in an otherwise indifferent universe, so shall I use Bush and his cohorts (the quintessence of "Evil Stupidity").

Mclusky 1999–2005

Perhaps "tak[ing] more drugs than a touring funk band" took it's toll. Moment of silence for the mighty Mclusky.

Third Parties as a Political Issue

In the comments of Temple's recent post, Kelly brings up a fascinating point -- approaching the need for a third-party not as a protest vote or a send-a-message vote, but instead as an important issue worth fighting for. And if a contingent of third parties got together to fight for it, the issue could get some serious attention. Imagine if the Greens and the Libertarians agreed on a method to reform and/or change the voting system that would allow Americans to support third-parties without adversely shifting the weight of the election.

In this country, we still have crooked elections. Changing the voting system means changing the medium with which the major political parties ensure their power. It's may be a tough road, but a unique approach to the issue -- taking the issue out of the realm of political aspirations and putting it in terms of what more options mean for citizens. Now if we can only figure out a way to do it that works and can be explained to Americans.

Kelly suggests fusion voting. It seems like a fantastic idea, but I have my doubts. For one thing, American third parties wouldn't buy it. Third parties tend to exist precisely because they feel that both major parties have left the country in the breach -- fusion would mean defeating some of the competitiveness that those in fringe politics feed on like succulent pit-roasted toddlers.

More notably, though, fusion voting would encourage major parties to set up dummy political parties that prop up their own candidates, splitting their signatures across as many parties as possible, earning more and more real estate on the ballot. Similar problems can occur in a borda voting; more weight given to either side in real estate favors the voting in that direction, leaving no balance for the results to be truly accurate of the populace's wishes.

What I've always been interested in is Condorcet voting. Voters make a series of rankings comparing different sets of the candidates. It would measure the needs and wishes of the populace more accurately and favor candidates based on the political leanings of the electorate instead of which side is simply on the ballot more.

Unfortunately, Condorcet makes for a lot of math to understand it and requires a tiny, tiny bit of math to actually vote. Plus, voting would take much longer to do, leaving you in the booth while you make each set of person-to-person comparisons. This would infuriate many people and make turnouts even lower.

Not to mention, if there were an interface where the voting machine leads you through the process step-by-step, the machine would probably be manufactured by Diebold, and that'll get us nowhere.

No matter which way is deemed the best, it seems to me that fighting for the third-party as a cause and not a candidate could get a lot of attention.

Biology of Beastiality

I'm sorry. But I can't help myself. Here's another dispatch from the front lines of the War on Animals:

A Perth Amboy man has been charged with six counts of animal cruelty for sodomizing his neighbor's dog several times over the past year.

Jose Rodriguez, 39, who lives on State Street, was caught by Perth Amboy police with his pants down, straddling the dog last month after her owner, Maritza Rosario, called for help.

Rosario had obtained a court order in the city municipal court, barring Rodriguez from her property after she caught him sodomizing the 5-year-old female Rottweiler, named Precious, in her back yard. […]

Rhodes said the dog was taken to an animal hospital on Dec. 21 and examined by a veterinarian who found the dog was in fact sodomized, resulting in swelling in the area and such severe pain the dog had trouble walking.

While sodomizing a Rottweiler isn't always a bad thing, I think in this case it seems a little creepy.

Here's something to consider: mammals (like all sexually reproducing organisms) have evolved mating strategies that involve discriminating selection behaviors. Both male and female humans, for example, have biologically encoded preferences which they call upon to select mates based on their reproductive fitness (i.e.; ability to provide for offspring, to pass on resilient and productive genes, etc.). However, technological advances have propelled humankind along a trajectory that has far surpassed the ability of biological evolution to keep pace. The result is that we have essentially transplanted our stone-age brains directly into the 21st century. The genetic brain chemistry of cave dwellers evolved over millennia to assist our forbearers in surviving in a brutal and challenging world – one in which such survival depended upon choosing mates that possessed certain obvious physical characteristics (rather than qualities of character or nuances of intellect). And so, against our better judgment, we often give physical beauty & brute strength priority when seeking mates. Yet our population has grown exponentially over the last few thousand years – and such growth shows no sign of abating. Our genetically encoded reproductive strategies are therefore woefully out of sync with the realities of modern life. To be blunt: Jose Rodriguez is probably ugly as sin, and was only humping Precious because the ladies were being precious with their sexual gifts. Please ladies…throw a dog a bone once in awhile.

ADDENDUM: The war continues.

My drugs are fine. I want a new political party.

I don't have time to post much these days, nor do i have time to track down cool links. but I need a little help here.

So I became a Democrat, officially, after the 2000 election. I'd been Independent before then, though I voted Democrat. No need to officially ally oneself with Big Corporate if you don't have to, I idealistically told myself.

But after 2000, I bought the line. I did my own fair share of Nader-bashing and slung some shit at the Greens, and lamented the Dems' inability (or unwillingness) to actually challenge the new reigning force. And I registered Democrat. "It was the fractured front that lost us the election," we were told and told ourselves.

But now it's 2005 and we've lost again. We have a former presidential candidate who has done absolutely nothing in the past 2 months to show us those of us who voted for him that he actually possesses any of the principles and backbone he'd promised us he'd have. Where the fuck have you been, John Kerry? I didn't even like you, but I put my trust in you. Fuck you for taking our money and our hope and letting the radical right wipe their shit all over it.

Fuck you, Congress, for taking it easy on gonzalez and for rolling the fuck over in 2001, and again in 2005. (Except you, mmes Boxer and Jones. You, I give big hot lesbo kisses even though you didn't do enough, at least you did something)

I need a new party. And am slowly working my way through all the little bullshit parties out there....and I'm open to suggestions...no: a new party won't solve the problem. But those of us who actually stil have morals and ideals need to do something.

I wasn't "torturing" him. I was "interrogating" him.

So here's what I get for reading National Review every once in a while -- I see their point.

Rich Lowry on the torture memos:

At Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo Bay there have been unauthorized abuses and acts of torture, but these aren't the same as the sanctioned interrogation methods (e.g., making prisoners assume "stress positions"), which are tough, but appropriate. The former should be punished; the latter are necessary to fighting a war in which intelligence is paramount. Some perspective: According to the Schlesinger report: "Since the beginning of hostilities in Afghanistan and Iraq, U.S. military and security operations have apprehended about 50,000 individuals. From this number, about 300 allegations of abuse in Afghanistan, Iraq and Guantanamo have arisen."

Makes sense, doesn't it? Rich Lowry's interpretation of the purpose of the documents is correct, and it is certainly within the realm of possibility that the Gonzales memos and the Abu Ghraib scandal show correlation but not causation.

Where Lowry misses the point, however, is the latitude afforded by those documents, and what is under debate is the specific intent of the documents, i.e., did Gonzales specifically intend to give the Bush Administration free reign on hooking car batteries to a detainee's scrote and cause him life-long medical problems?

The definition of torture is all about intent. The report defines the difference between torture and interrogation by the action's intended result: "...the statute requires that severe pain and suffering must be inflicted with specific intent... In order for a defendant to have acted with specific intent, he must have expressly intended to achieve the forbidden act." Next paragraph: "...the infliction of such pain must be the defendant's precise objective." Basically, as I understand it, if the defendant knows full well, even if he is performing an interrogation, that attaching a car battery to a scrote will cause life-long pain and anguish, then its torture. Right. Excellent. Torture defined.

Then, there's the memo, which makes it clear that "...the US will continue to be constrained by (i) it's commitment to treat detainees humanely and, to the extent appropriate and consistent with military necessity, in a manner consistent with the principles of [the Geneva Convention]..."

Unfortunately, none of this matters. The report states that federal courts have no jurisdiction over interment camps on foreign soil, including Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo Bay; therefore, the prisoners have no access to habeas corpus ; for that matter, how could they make an accusation of torture? Furthermore, in the memo, Gonzales states very clearly that the Geneva convention does not apply to conflicts with Al Qaida or the Taliban: "...the policy does not apply to a conflict with terrorists, or with irregular forces, like the Taliban, who are armed militants that oppressed and terrorized the people of Afghanistan." Thus, both documents state that the president has the Constitutional authority to override anything outlawing torture when dealing with enemy combatants who aren't employed my a national army and are not detained on American soil.

So, yes. Lowry is right; on the surface, the purpose of the report and the memo are to make it clear that we can use force on prisoners to get much needed information. However, the memos also make it clear that even if we do hook a car battery up to a prisoner's scrote and cause him excessive harm, we can get away with it. Just like torture, what we need to know is Gonzales' (and, for that matter, the administration's) intent in writing the documents -- were they looking for a way to justify the car-battery/scrotum scenario?

With answers like this, it looks like we'll never know:

LEAHY: Now, as attorney general, would you believe the president has the authority to exercise a commander-in-chief-override and immunize acts of torture?

GONZALES: First of all, Senator, the president has said we're not going to engage in torture under any circumstances. And so you're asking me to answer a hypothetical that is never going to occur. This president has said we're not going to engage in torture under any circumstances, and therefore that portion of the opinion was unnecessary and was the reason that we asked that that portion be withdrawn.

LEAHY: But I'm trying to think what type of opinions you might give as attorney general.

Do you agree with that conclusion?

GONZALES: Sir, again...

LEAHY: You're a lawyer, and you've held a position as a justice of the Texas Supreme Court. You've been the president's counsel. You've studied this issue deeply. Do you agree with that conclusion?

GONZALES: Senator, I do believe there may come an occasion when the Congress might pass a statute that the president may view as unconstitutional.

And that is a position and a view not just of this president, but many, many presidents from both sides of the aisle.

Obviously, a decision as to whether or not to ignore a statute passed by Congress is a very, very serious one, and it would be one that I would spend a great deal of time and attention before arriving at a conclusion that, in fact, a president had the authority under the Constitution to...

LEAHY: Mr. Gonzales, I'd almost think that you'd served in the Senate you've learned how to filibuster so well. Because I asked a specific question: Does the president have the authority, in your judgment, to exercise a commander-in-chief-override and immunize acts of torture?

GONZALES: With all due respect, Senator, the president said we're not going to engage in torture. That is a hypothetical question that would involve an analysis of a great number of factors.

I'm not a lawyer, so if I've gotten anything wrong in my laymen's analysis of this data, please correct me in the comments and accept my apologies.

UPDATE: In the comments, I have posted Sen. Dick Durbin's questions and the answers he received. Durbin is more direct than Leahy, who's a bit of a codger, and Durbin is smart as a whip. Get it? Smart as a Whip? Oh, I kill me....

More Spam Poetry

Stigmutha submits another example of spam poetry, the unaltered random text that appears in many junk e-mails.

This piece expresses a lot of angst and anguish, a feeling of isolation in our technological society. It is actually quite sad.

The man who never makes a mistake always takes orders from one who does.
alternative
I'm not enjoying fighting over there. Burhinidae
Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest
Wasn't Dick missing talking on the street? bioecological
Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to
pause
and reflect.
We've tried to include features in the program for students with many disabilities.
I needed Spanish in my classroom, so Spanish was added. I wanted
something
to engage students who are not interested in language, thus musical
interludes and movement were incorporated. I wanted to be able to
change the
prompts (music,movements, etc.) on-the-fly. We wanted to provide for
those
requiring augmentative communication device and so the Mayer-Johnson
symbols
are included and can morph from the photographs. I wanted a
cause-and-effect
program for my students who didn't understand the automatic scan. The
Switch-On-Picts activity was developed. We realized more types of scans
would be advantageous. Three types of scanning routines have been
added. I
wanted 2 and 3 piece puzzles. Here they are. One of my parents wanted
Dr.
Seuss types of stories with real pictures. We wrote some 'ditties' and
here's StoryTime. adenocarcinomatous
About happiness There is only one success: to be able to spend your
life in
your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it.
I didn't dislike cooking at home. asphaltic

Silly Rabbit, Laws Are For Kids

Listening to confirmation hearings for Alberto Gonzales is its own special kind of torture. Majikthise (bless her sexy little heart), thankfully, makes an amusing point:

People often apologize for torture by congratulating themselves on their moral toughness. They argue that it's right to torture people for the greater good and that grasping this unpalatable fact is evidence of moral, intellectual, and strategic superiority.

If so, Gonzalez ought to say his piece like a man: "Yes, Senator, torture is legal. It is also morally acceptable. We must have the power to torture captives in order to win the war on terror."

If we really need a tough guy to fight the war on terror, this man is obviously unqualified.

Personally, I think we'll be okay with Gonzales – at least he's not John Ashcroft. But if you really want to feel good about Gonzales, do not read this…or this.

I'm going back to work.

Us v. Them

This is an article worth reading. It adroitly states what we all know to be true, but rarely articulate so well (the “Two Americas” sound-bite notwithstanding):

A growing body of evidence suggests that the meritocratic ideal is in trouble in America. Income inequality is growing to levels not seen since the Gilded Age, around the 1880s. But social mobility is not increasing at anything like the same pace: would-be Horatio Algers are finding it no easier to climb from rags to riches, while the children of the privileged have a greater chance of staying at the top of the social heap. [...]

America is increasingly looking like imperial Britain, with dynastic ties proliferating, social circles interlocking, mechanisms of social exclusion strengthening and a gap widening between the people who make the decisions and shape the culture and the vast majority of ordinary working stiffs...

[Thanks to Nurul]

Recommended Reading

120 scientists were asked, "What do you believe is true even though you cannot prove it?" Here's David Buss' answer:

True love.

I've spent two decades of my professional life studying human mating. In that time, I've documented phenomena ranging from what men and women desire in a mate to the most diabolical forms of sexual treachery. I've discovered the astonishingly creative ways in which men and women deceive and manipulate each other. I've studied mate poachers, obsessed stalkers, sexual predators and spouse murderers. But throughout this exploration of the dark dimensions of human mating, I've remained unwavering in my belief in true love.

While love is common, true love is rare, and I believe that few people are fortunate enough to experience it. The roads of regular love are well traveled and their markers are well understood by many - the mesmerizing attraction, the ideational obsession, the sexual afterglow, profound self-sacrifice and the desire to combine DNA. But true love takes its own course through uncharted territory. It knows no fences, has no barriers or boundaries. It's difficult to define, eludes modern measurement and seems scientifically woolly. But I know true love exists. I just can't prove it.

If you're looking to spend some time reading randomly interesting ideas, check out some of the other responses.

What Voters Want = Happy Pysicians

Dear President Bush:

I hear that you're saying that "large malpractice awards have driven up the cost of business so high that doctors have to close their businesses or scale back services". I take it that by "the cost of business" you mean "the cost of insurance". Okay. I can understand that. By reforming tort law you want to lower the cost of insurance for doctors. That's the goal right? That way, doctors won't have to pay high insurance costs and will be able to go about their business with less hassle and have more money to spend on their businesses – and on shopping and vacations and suchlike. Physicians will have a richer, better quality of life. Also, those goddamn juries will be put in their place, right? Fuckers. Judges too. I mean, who the fuck do those people think they are!? There's one goddamn queen bee per hive, and you, Mr. President, are it. Judicial Activism, meet Executive Activism – and shit your fuckin' pants! Awesome, dude.

Yo. Can you hear the howling of the unwashed? They're probably saying things like, "Why don't you do something to lower our insurance costs…what about our costs? We need food, and diapers, and $150 to pay that parking fine - and we only make $8 an hour. What about us?" Fuckin' babies. Maybe they'd be able to see a doctor if doctors in this country weren't being systematically impoverished by bloodthirsty lawyers and activist judges. Or maybe they'd be able to afford diapers if they'd get off their lazy asses and managed an international petroleum conglomerate. What're they whining to you for anyway? They ought to go ask their Daddies to introduce 'em to a few of his pals. That's how you succeed in America and if they don't know that – fuck 'em.

I love you Mr. President. Can I give you a rim-job?