LIKE YOU REALLY CARE

Vituperative Bloggery

Monday, November 29, 2004

The Official Like You Really Care/Moment of Zen "Sorry Everybody" Photo

In response to my post about Sorry Everybody, good friend of the blog Stigmutha has suggested that we gather a group to take a photo.

Wednesday is supposed to be partly sunny here in Chicago, so here's the pitch:

Wednesday at noon, come to Cloud Gate—otherwise known as "The Bean"— in Millennium Park. Bring with you a letter-sized sheet of paper with "Sorry!" either printed or written on it. We'll gather underneath the bean and take a photo so the word "Sorry" appears thousands of times in the reflection. This photo will be posted here on the blog and submitted to "Sorry Everybody" as our offering. I'll bring my camera and extra "Sorry!" pages for anyone who can't bring one or forgets to bring one.

No need to RSVP. Just show up.

Ed Paschke 1939–2004

A few years ago, I procured some tickets from a friend at Steppenwolf to see a one-night-only performance honoring Allen Ginsberg, who had recently passed away. A number of jazz musicians like Kurt Elling and Fareed Haque were setting Ginsberg's beat poetry to music. The only low point of the evening was Ed Paschke reading "Howl." The poem's title tells you everything you need to know about how to read it: put on your muu muu, squat over a bongo drum, and fucking howl your brains out. Paschke, which I'm sure seemed like a clever choice at the time, read the poem as if it were instructions on how to program your Tivo. He even did what any good actor will tell you is death for any line—exhaling before speaking. In this case, he sighed before muttering "Howl" at the very beginning. Reading the poem seemed like an imposition on him. I'm sure he didn't see it that way, but that's what it sounded like.

I'm very glad Paschke stuck to painting, because his paintings kick serious ass. I prefer his work from the 1980s, which I think typifies the colors and textures that are most notable in his work.

Paschke is a very important American artist and one of the most important artists to ever call Chicago home.

In honor of the painter, not the orator, a moment of silence for Ed Paschke.





























Thursday, November 25, 2004

Thankful

I'm thankful that I have a place to go and eat today.

I'm thankful that my life, right now, is as close to exactly where it needs to be as it has ever been.

I'm thankful for sweet potatoes, nature's most perfect tuber.

I'm thankful for my Airport Express.

I'm thankful to live in a blue state.

I'm thankful to have a job with a company that cares for its employees more than most companies.

And I'll let the Center for American Progress fill in the rest.

Happy We-Slaughtered-the-Native-Americans Day, everyone.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Arlo in Print

A bit of self promotion: I recently responded here to a letter in PerformInk. Now, PerformInk is running my response in their paper and online (my letter is the last one). I'm proud, and I look forward to picking up, like, 1,000 copies of the paper.

Use Firefox

As an addendum to my previous post, when I mentioned Windows viruses, I also should have mentioned that the Mac is virtually spyware free.

If you must use Windows (and I'll forgive you... for now), do not use Internet Explorer. Use Firefox. Here's why, from today's Slashdot: Who Profits from Security Holes?

Apple Pretention

I haven't waxed Macintosh in awhile.

There's been fear amongst the the few, the proud, the Mac-users, that Apple is abandoning them for music sales, focusing too much time promoting the iPod and iTunes.

Bullshit:
The research found that 6 percent of iPod users have made the switch. An additional 7 percent said they are planning to dump their old PC for an Apple machine, according to the survey.
No, we're not big fans of surveys here at Like You Really Care; however it does go to show that when you walk into the Apple Store to buy an iPod and the Apple sales dude or chick demonstrates iTunes on a Mac, it's going to have an effect. Ooh, it's a pretty white or brushed aluminum. And you say that there's, like, one Mac internet malware to every gazillion Windows viruses? And it comes with all of this software that I don't have to install that'll let me make music and use my digital camera? Damn, that's worth an extra few hundred bucks for a computer, Hell yeah!

But here's something that just burned my ass in this brief article:
The switchers, according to Munster, tend to be people who aren't necessarily techie types.

"A lot of people, with all due respect, don't understand the technology...They're people with money, not tech people," he said.
Yeah, Mac users are stupid. "Tech people" know that Macs suck.

C-Net:Microsoft::Fox:Republicans. Here's some "tech people" who love Macs?

Finally, I'm now the proud owner of an Airport Express. Now, you're saying, "Arlo, $129 for a wireless router?" Eat me. Let's put the same thing together with non-Apple products, just using the cheapest not-refurbished gear I find using Froogle:That's $152.05 and three pieces of equipment to do what one $129 box does. And it works with Windows.

Yes, I'm evangelizing. Don't like it? Blast me in the comments or get your own blog.

Sorry Everybody

Americans apologizing. I haven't been through many of them yet, but so far, this one is my favorite, as my sense of humor often descends into adolescence.

But, oh, it gets better. Apologies accepted. Let's hear it for Sebbo K (scroll to the fifth image).

In the interest of fairness (why bother, I know), here's a link to You're Welcome Everybody. I'm glad You're Welcome Everybody is on-line. It gives the world a chance to see the sort of people Sorry Everybody is apologizing for, like this guy*.

As soon as I get my passport, I'm coming to see you, Sebbo.

*UPDATE: I had to change this link to the thumbnail image. Somehow, You're Welcome Everybody doesn't allow linking directly to the larger images. And to think I've gone to this much trouble just to show you this intolerant motherfucker. I need a shower.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Blue Moon

It's a vicious and depressing world, and I'm bitter about it. I can't write much these days because all of my thoughts are foul; and foulness is not something that one should spread around. However, if you're in the mood to read something chipper and fun, I encourage you to spend a few minutes with a Bush voter.

Friday, November 19, 2004

I should really be working...



UPDATE: So the person whose name appeared on this didn't appreciate it that much, so I changed it. I'm such a sell out.

Speaking of things gross....

Dude. Condi Rice is totally hot, in that totally-unsuited-for-her-position sycophant kind of way. Pass me my low-carb Smirnoff Ice.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

What's Funnier Than A Dead Baby?

The lovely anti-abortion people were out in force in downtown Chicago today. They were lined up along Madison street with huge poster-board photos of those adorable aborted fetuses. Luck me. I was leisurely strolling down the street, munching on a sandwich and enjoying the weather. Thankfully, all I needed to do was walk around a corner to feel nauseated. There's nothing like a 7 foot-tall, high-definition photograph of bloody medical waste on a nice autumnal day. If it weren't for the anti-abortion crowd, who would be there to needlessly sicken me? God bless those kindly folks. They're making the world a better place by inducing vomiting – one unsuspecting pedestrian at a time.

On a related note, it appears that some people are working on creative alternatives to sanitary and competent abortions performed by fully credentialed physicians. Go head, overturn Roe v. Wade – the nation's entrepreneurial spirit is ready for the challenge!

Evolution Hoedown

Ok I’m starting a new thread so it doesn’t get lost. Let’s stay on the (ick) evolution train here for a sec. Kelly admonished me for wanting to believe that Americans weren’t morons. Fair enough, but when I questioned the accuracy of the Gallup poll he cited, I think he missed my point.

I agree with you, bub. And it’s pretty friggin likely that I think less of Americans than even you. Not a contest, however, that I’d really want to engage in.

It’s true. I really do want to believe that we as a species deserve thumbs and eyes on the front, not sides, of our heads. But I daily see that it is a vain desire.

My main point, however poorly illustrated, was that Gallup polls are shit.

The Gallup poll that was cited in the Nat. Geo. article Kelly cited surveyed 1,016 people by telephone in February 2001. That’s 1,016 people in a country with a current population of 294,784,652. To be fair, that’s a current number. The 2000 census put us at 281,421,906. So, being generous, Gallup surveyed .000036 of the population at the time. According to Gallup, that creates only a 3% margin of error. But not if you look at all the factors.

Participants were selected at random—from a machine that direct-dials phone numbers from across the country. This allows it to include both listed and unlisted numbers. Once a household answers, they ask for someone who is over 18 and willing to be surveyed.

While this does allow for what is technically a random sampling, it doesn’t necessarily allow for a REPRESENTATIVE sampling—especially not anymore. Many people ages 18-35—especially those in the demographic that includes those who would respond that they believe Darwin was right—no longer have land lines—they have cell phones. Most of these cell phone numbers are not on direct-dial lists, as they don’t go through the primary phone service provider in an area. Granted, this is a trend that is on the rise at present—4 years after the poll. But it’s been a trend since the late 1990s.

Additionally—who are the people who are home to receive calls, and willing to take the time for a survey, assuming they do have a land line? For the most part, you will find retirees and stay-at-home parents—segments of the population that, typically, lean to the conservative side of the spectrum.

Language also plays a part in the outcome of polls. Answers to questions can be determined by the way the questions are asked. You’ll find the most egregious of these in “push polls,” popularized by Karl Rove and the evil genius Lee Atwater. These are the kinds of questions that ask, “Do you agree with a woman’s right to murder her unborn child?”

Typically, Gallup doesn’t ask those kinds of loaded questions. But even in their poll, about a quarter of those who replied that they were creationists indicated that they agreed that humans developed over a period of time. And, of those who claimed “evolution,” about a quarter said that they felt God had some hand in the process. Wording is everything, especially when you’re dealing nuances of understanding and belief.

All of this said, Creationists are whacked. And there are way too many of them in what is, for the moment, the top of the heap of the free world.

It’s a reality we’re going to have to deal with, yes. But it’s not as cut-and-dried as the Gallup numbers make it seem. I agree with Kelly, that we’ve got our work cut out for us. Logical arguments don’t work when you’re talking ideology.

And that’s probably actually our in. Fuck logic. Fuck trying to convince. Fuck reasoned argument, and the equanimity that the Left embodies. Let’s circle the wagons that are carrying people who can read, and protect ourselves.

In The Stranger last week, they argued that it’s not blue and red states, it’s blue cities and red ruralities. It IS going to be a culture war. Cities have everything that reasoned people want. We’ve walled them before, let’s wall them again. Cut off the ruralities and they’ll wither like the hollow dreams they are.

I wish I were joking.

That's No Dick

The Internet is all a-flutter about Dick Cheney's Big Dick which appeared in a Wisconsin newspaper.

I highly doubt that's Cheney's penis.

It's too big.

Here's my reasoning:

One: Cheney's kind of tubby. I once heard a rule of thumb (that's an inside joke to my brother Ross) that if you want to add a half-inch to your penis, lose ten pounds. Get rid of some of the fat around your fatty, and more of it will poke out. Cheney can't have that much poking out.

Two: Cheney likes war. Anyone who is that gung ho about sending our brave boys and girls out to fire guns must be compensating.

So my theory? It's a colostomy bag. After all, we do know that for the most part, Cheney is full of shit.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Fiction Over Fact

I'm currently reading Darwin: The Life of a Tormented Evolutionist by Adrian Desmond & James Moore. Having recently read two outstanding books by David Quammen (The Song of the Dodo: Island Biogeography in an Age of Extinctions, and Monster of God: The Man-Eating Predator in the Jungles of History and the Mind), I was much interested in November's cover article in National Geographic Magazine by David Quammen, titled Was Darwin Wrong. It is a good read and a fine introduction to understanding Darwin's contribution to science, but this little tidbit is what really caught my eye:
According to a Gallup poll drawn from more than a thousand telephone interviews conducted in February 2001, no less than 45 percent of responding U.S. adults agreed that "God created human beings pretty much in their present form at one time within the last 10,000 years or so." Evolution, by their lights, played no role in shaping us.

Only 37 percent of the polled Americans were satisfied with allowing room for both God and Darwin – that is, divine initiative to get things started, evolution as the creative means. (This view, according to more than one papal pronouncement, is compatible with the Roman Catholic dogma.) Still fewer Americans, only 12 percent, believed that humans evolved from other life-forms without any involvement of a god.

The most startling thing about these poll numbers is not that so many Americans reject evolution, but that the statistical breakdown hasn't changed much in two decades. Gallup interviewers posed exactly the same choices in 1982, 1993, 1997, and 1999. The creationist conviction – that God alone, and not evolution, produced humans – has never drawn less than 44 percent. In other words, nearly half the American populace prefers to believe that Charles Darwin was wrong where it mattered most.

Darwin, by the way, was right.

Pig Fuckers

I've got much less of a problem than Kelly with speaking--or typing-- like a sailor. Sometimes, they're the only words that work.

So, speaking of motherfuckers, the rat bastards are about to raise the ceiling on the deficit. Again. They reached the $7.38 TRILLION limit in October. And now they want to raise it by another $650 billion-- while at the same time claiming they plan to lower it. These are the same people who, in 2002, managed to created a deficit that exceeded the entire debt Reagan inherited. That would be ALL of the deficit money from the freakin American Revolution through 1981. In TWO years of office, these chumps managed to whiz right past Clinton's surplus and shoot the moon. In neocon parlance, bigger does equal better. Never say the Republicans aren't winners.

Further, since they reached the limit in October, Treasury Secretary John Snow has been moving money around on paper, so they can actually keep spending. And where has he been taking it from? Why, today it's from the Civil Servants' Retirement and Disability fund.

And the easiest way to make up some of this deficit (which, if we're really really really lucky, could be $14.5 trillion by 2014)? Rescinding tax cuts for the wealthy. Good thing he's instead going to make them permanent.

Any federal taxes you pay this year (ok, I'm assuming here that readers are in a bracket that actually PAYS taxes) aren't going to benefit the country. They're lining the pockets of the exceedingly wealthy 1%. Oh, and same with any Social Security money that is being taken out of the paychecks of those of you lucky enough to have jobs.

Motherfuckers.

Care More

Polluters to Face Even Less Resistance from EPA in Second Bush Term.
Clean Air Act enforcement is at a near stand still. Only nine such lawsuits were filed by the EPA from January 19, 2001, through January 18, 2004, compared to 61 in the three years prior to January 19, 2001.

Clean Water Act enforcement is off sharply. This category of lawsuits declined from 56 between 1998 and mid-January 2001, to only 22 between 2001 and mid-January 2004.

Hazardous waste law cases are way down. Lawsuits for violation of federal hazardous waste law (the Resource Conservation and Recovery Act) dropped from 19 to only five over the comparable three-year time periods.

Please give generously to your favorite environmental defense lobby/organization. (The EPA is busy with other matters).

The League of Conservation Voters
Earthjustice
The Heritage Forests Campaign
World Wildlife Fund
The Nature Conservancy
National Wildlife Federation
Natural Resources Defense Council
Sierra Club
American Farmland Trust

ADDENDUM: For those who may be terrified or spooked by the natural world to such a degree that you are prone to inflict harm upon it, fear no more. You are not alone. Please visit The Childhood Goat Trauma Foundation.

Random Music Notes

God bless the iPod. 15GB of songs on shuffle brought forth Pavement's "Two States" from 1992's Slanted & Enchanted (which, when released, was also an election year):
Two states!
We want two states
North and south
Two, two states
40 million daggers!

Two states!
We want two states
There's no culture
There's no spies
40 million daggers!
Made me smile.

Speaking of music, I'm off to see the Pixies tonight for their final show of a five-night run at the Aragon in Chicago. Urge Overkill is opening, and I plan to spend their entire set laughing at them. They sucked then; they are sure to suck now.

Also speaking of music, today's news on Pitchfork brought two pieces of exciting nostalgia. Cream is reuniting, and The Slits debut album is being reissued. Music geeks rejoiced. (Huzzah.)

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Destroyer of Worlds

Motherfuckers. Normally, I would be inclined to beg your forgiveness for using language that many consider obscene. Given the circumstances, however, I cannot in good conscience ask to be excused. I'm not sorry. I'm not repentant. If a stronger and more forceful curse were available to me, I would surely employ it. The force of more creative epithets is usually buried under the weight of their selfsame creativity, rendering them virtually useless. A curse with the power of black magic might be a nice substitute, but I'm not only ignorant of the machinations of black magic, but recognize the underlying fictions upon which the very idea of its power is built. I therefore stand resolutely behind my original characterization, denying any intention toward hyperbole or personal rancor. On some things, there can be no compromise.

Apple Dumpling Gang was just the Beginning

Don Knotts is....Dubya!

Pebbles, meet Bam Bam

Humanity's love affair with animals continues apace:
[John Edward] Peterson's 6-year-old daughter and 8-year-old stepson told police their father had been drinking vodka all night from a 1.75-liter bottle. When Pebbles the cat clawed him, he threw the animal against the wall, trapped it in the corner of the bedroom and punched it with his fist until it was dead.

Why do I always feel an overwhelming desire to post this kind of stuff?

Your Moment of Zen

Sean will return tomorrow. I expect all of his sentences tolooklikethis; his thumbs are surely too swollen to operate the spacebar.

I may never get to do this again, so I might as well pull out the friend-losing links now.

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Today's MoZ topic
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Is your boss looking? (scroll down...)




















Are you sure? (scroll down...)





















*** NAUGHTY BITS ***

MOST OF THESE LINKS ARE SAFE FOR THE WORKPLACE, BUT USE DISCRETION.

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TENTACLES OF DESIRE
A fetish you've never heard of: Japanese Octopus Erotica
(some links not safe)
http://buffoonery.org/blog/archives/006556.html
And the heartbreaking tale of Joshua Handley's passion of Cephalopod love
(features an erotic ukiyo-e painting from the 1800s)
http://www.heliograph-designs.co.uk/victoriana/ceph/

GALUMPIA ADULT
"Warning: This site contains images."
(appears not safe for work, but actually is)
http://www.zonicweb.net/badalbmcvrs/hallofsh.htm

DOG TOY OR MARITAL AID
I got 11 out of 14 on both difficulty levels, and I used to work at a pet store.
(Thanks, Bollo.)
http://www.dogtoyormaritalaid.com/

THE PENIS GAME
"Inside all of us there remains a dark little Johnny that yearns to break the rules."
http://www.swingmachine.org/issue5/penis.htm

EROTIC PINATAS
Damn, I'd like to hit that.
** NOT SAFE FOR WORK **
http://www.eroticpinata.com/home.html

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WEDNESDAY: Mr. Sinitski returns from battle. Thanks for the opportunity, Sean. I had much fun.

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Monday, November 15, 2004

She had to die a little every day.

Finally, a court case that's actually interesting.

Ol' Dirty Bastard 1969–2004

The first hip-hop album I ever truly loved was Wu-Tang Clan's "Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)." It made me groove, it made me think, it made me laugh. And it gave me my favorite rhymed couplet of all time, from the song "Shame on a Nigga":
Burn me, I get into shit, I let it out like diarrhea
Got burnt once, but that was only gonorrhea
Damn, Dirty, I'm goin miss yo ass.

Moment of Silence for Ol' Dirty Bastard.






























UPDATE: You'd think if it was my favorite hip-hop album, I'd get the name of it right. Fixed.

Cabinet Exodus

Powell's out.

Perhaps during his time off from serving as Secretary of State, he can try and regain his fucking dignity.

Ashcroft, Evans, now Powell, and more certainly to come. Is this Bush trying to gain our trust? If so, he needs to ask for Rumsfeld's resignation. Or is this Bush's cabinet saying, you made this bed, so you sleep in it? Did these folks always want out—that's certainly possible with Powell—and were told to stay until after the election?

Either way, this exodus of cabinet members will be read as a sign of weakness to those of us on the left, and a sign of strength to those on the right.

So we'll never know.

Your Moment of Zen

Surely by this point, Mr. Sinitski has grown bored of Halo 2. After all it's just a video game. He could get out and take a walk, read a book, ponder ways to fight social injustice.... Yeah, I couldn't even TYPE it with a straight face.

Arlo has one more day after today of promulgating Zen, and unlike you, he's going to miss it.

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Today's MoZ topic
-----------------

Starving, but got no money? Starve no more.
Look at these, and you won't need to eat.

*** FOOD ***

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THE GALLERY OF REGRETTABLE FOOD
"There's not a single edible dish in the entire collection."
http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/index.html

RECIPE FOR STUFFED CAMEL
Yes, it's true.
http://www.snopes.com/food/prepare/camel.asp

TOMATO McGRANDE
A McDonald's commercial currently running in Japan. *Only* in Japan.
http://www.madmartian.com/halloween/hall_food.htm

INTERNATIONAL FEDERATION FOR COMPETITIVE EATING
"America's Fastest Growing Sport"
http://www.ifoce.com/history.htm

SWANSON HUNGRYMAN ALL-DAY BREAKFAST
"Swanson's new breakfast takes it to a level which previously could only be achieved by eating entire alternate universes made only of prosciutto."
http://www.x-entertainment.com/articles/0744/

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TUESDAY: Make sure your boss isn't looking over your shoulder.

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Friday, November 12, 2004

A Letter in Response to a Letter in Response to an Editorial

Dear PerformInk:

I would like to respond to "An Open Letter to PerformInk Editorial Staff
and the Chicago Theatre Community,"
which was written in response to the editorial "10 Reasons why we should be very afraid if George Bush is reelected."

The original editorial, written by Ms. Kaufman, was an emotionally charged, highly polemic, and perhaps somewhat overwrought assessment of the Bush Administration.

The response, signed "A conservative who likes the first amendment almost as much as the second," was an emotionally charged, highly polemic, and perhaps somewhat overwrought assessment of Ms. Kaufman's editorial.

I cannot dispute Ms. Kaufman's editorial, which presented facts and how she has reacted to those facts. I agree with much of Ms. Kaufman's assessment of the Bush Administration. However, it is not the respondent's disagreement with Ms. Kaufman's editorial that has prompted me to write my own letter. Instead, despite "lik[ing] the first amendment," the respondent essentially chastises the use of free speech by anyone who disagrees with him (or her) and demonstrates some harsh hypocrisy. Therefore, I felt compelled to double-click the "W" icon in my dock.

The response to the editorial admonishes Ms. Kaufman for abusing her position as a publisher, writing, "'I have a microphone, and you don't.'" Unfortunately for that reader's argument, Ms. Kaufman has abused nothing. Media outlets have a long tradition of expressing their opinions, and PerformInk should be no exception. The Wall Street Journal has always shown a conservative bias in its opinion about politics. Should they stop giving their opinion on elected officials and simply tell their readers how the markets are doing? Even High Times broke from its standard marijuana growing guides, jam band coverage, and centerfolds of "wicked kind bud" to write an endorsement for John Kerry; I doubt any candidate would claim the endorsement of High Times. PerformInk is a publication that covers the drama trade; it is entitled to make an endorsement, and it made its endorsement in the most appropriate way possible—dramatically.

It should also be noted—again—that Ms. Kaufman presented facts. In the conservative response, the first paragraph contained the sentence, "I do not wish to dispute your facts." Instead, the response only seemed to dispute the rage expressed by the Chicago theatre community. It seems disingenuous to vilify the rage felt by many for President Bush without presenting reasons that this rage may be unfounded. By saying that the facts are not up for discussion, the only thing left to admonish is theater community's behavior. Are we being told to stop whining, that it's okay to be mad as long as we don't do it in public? Left or right, we love the First Amendment because, ideally, it is not to be interpreted on the other side's terms.

There is a point made by the conservative respondent that I actually believe has some validity. When presenting art that is, essentially, anti-Bush propaganda, artists are merely preaching to an already converted congregation. The conservative respondent says, "You want a piece of action? Go put Bushy in a loin cloth and nail him to a cross in San Antonio. And while your (sic) at it, make him gay." I believe the respondent is right. All an artist can do is react to the injustices in the world around them. A citizen tries to do something about it. I'm sure that many of the artists who presented this work also attended protests, wrote letters to Red State voters, donated funds to political and activist organizations, and, above all, voted. I'm sure many will pick up their costumes and puppets and head to Ohio in the next four years to try and make a difference by bringing their message to where it is needed the most.

On that same subject, I would also like to add that for all of the finger wagging directed at these dramatists for hiding behind a veil of artistry, the conservative respondent signed his (or her) letter anonymously. When telling someone to put themselves directly into the face of adversity, it is usually appropriate to demonstrate that quality, too.

Finally, I would like to address the respondent's concerns about the—ahem—shock and awe felt from the reactions to being a conservative in a predominately liberal field. President Bush and his evangelical administration represents a crushing defeat for the First Amendment, as our civil liberties may be reduced, corporations with the same agenda may be able to control larger blocks of the media, and more opposition to the ruling party may be minimized and quashed. These setbacks could easily include arts funding. When governments do not fund outlets for creativity not prone to mass distribution, the only voices heard are those of the powerful and the wealthy, voices that become harder to oppose. I'm sure the respondent values the ability to write a letter criticizing Ms. Kaufmann's editorial. I value the ability to criticize our leaders. "You're with us you're your against us" should never be policy, and increasingly, it is under President Bush.

All opinions are valid, which is why I love this country and will not move to Canada. (The have poor media and privacy laws, and Chicago is about a cold as I can handle.) I love that I can read an opinion in a newspaper and read a dissenting opinion in the next issue. I do wish, however, that opinions in such charged debates did not include calls for the other side to shut up. I certainly do not want the conservative respondent to keep their mouth shut, but at the very least, I would ask that he (or she) does not advocate the shutting up of anyone else. Do so is risky—the tighter you squeeze a spring, the harder that spring bounces back.

Sincerely (and signed with my real damn name),
Arlo Bryan Guthrie
Emeritus member, Defiant Theatre
Member, Hi-Volt Theater Company
Founder and contributor, likeyoureallycare.com

FULL DISCLOSURE: Arlo Bryan Guthrie performs various I.T. and web management tasks for PerformInk on a freelance basis.

Your Moment of Zen

Surely by now, Mr. Sinitski has completed at least half of the campaign to defeat the Covenant's diabolical scheme to overtake Halo and harness its awesome power to control the universe. Or he's vociferously pleasuring himself in his "Masturbatorium." Either way, he's busy, so Arlo's still here dishing out the Zen.

I switched email accounts last night (I can forever still be reached at arlo@arlodesign.com -- just using a different server), so sorry for the delay.

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Today's MoZ topic
-----------------

Power up the hi-fi, plug in the iPod,
or simply hold your head up to the
tinny speakers inside your computer.

*** MUSIC ***

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"ONE TWO CHA CHA CHA" BY USHA UTHUP
Hands down, the best Bollywood song you will hear all day
(This link will only be available for a week, so get it onto your iPod while you can.)
http://guthrie.defianttheatre.org/08%20One%20Two%20Cha%20Cha%20Cha.mp3
And just who is this Usha Uthup?
http://www.ushauthup.com/PROFILE.HTML

TREEWAVE
Really cool music made with an Atari 2600, a Commodore 64, a Compaq 286, and a dot matrix printer
http://www.treewave.com/mp3s.html
More 8-bit music (Thanks, Frank)
http://www.nullsleep.com/
http://www.8bitpeoples.com/

"THE BALLAD OF BILBO BAGGINS" FEATURING LEONARD NIMOY
A recycled MoZ, but worth it
http://www.myprecious.us/ballad_of_bilbo_baggins.php

"WHERE'D THE CHEESE GO?" BY WEEN
Another recycled MoZ, but Bollo has an unhealthy obsession with it
http://www.chocodog.com/chocodog/ween/ween_new/noflash_fr.html

MUSEUM OF BAD ALBUM COVERS
"The world needs more singing Christian cops!"
http://www.zonicweb.net/badalbmcvrs/hallofsh.htm

FUN WITH AUTOMATIC TRANSLATION: "RAPPER'S DELIGHT"
"I know a called man Hank, he I have more rhymes that one serious series."
http://shtick.org/Translation/translation76.htm

PITCHFORK MEDIA'S REVIEW OF "LATERALUS"
"It's the best Tool record because it's the longest."
http://pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/t/tool/lateralus.shtml

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MONDAY: Do not read right before lunch.

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Thursday, November 11, 2004

fuckthesouth.com Redux

Temple linked to fuckthesouth.com on Tuesday. And I've received so many emails about it from friends who obviously aren't reading this blog, the rat bastards. Well, Wonkette brings some balance to the argument:
We love the South, without which we'd be denied Faulkner, twirling competitions, and bourbon.
A list to which I would also like to add barbecue and myself (born and raised in Virginia, folks).

Nevertheless, maybe the way for us Blue States to show the Red States that we aren't pussies would be to start another Civil War.

Oh, but the South is much better armed than we are. Drat.

Or maybe all head to Florida and Texas and start doing numbers 3 and 10 from this list.

Oh, but the South is much better armed than we are. Drat.

Or maybe...

Oh, but South is much better armed than we are. Drat.

{sigh}

Am I going to have to buy a gun now?

"Moral Values" Funds and Supports "Trading Spouses"

Excellent editorial from The New York Times about the bogus "moral values" that elected Bush. I'm going to quote the last paragraph, but be sure to read the whole thing. It's all the ammunition you're going to need to argue with your conservative red-state family members:
...the values voters the Democrats must pander to are people like Cary and Tara Leslie, archetypal Ohio evangelical 'Bush votes come to life' apotheosized by The Washington Post right after Election Day. The Leslies swear by 'moral absolutes,' support a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage and mostly watch Fox News. Mr. Leslie has also watched his income drop from $55,000 to $35,000 since 2001, forcing himself, his wife and his three young children into the ranks of what he calls the 'working poor.' Maybe by 2008 some Democrat will figure out how to persuade him that it might be a higher moral value to worry about the future of his own family than some gay family he hasn't even met.
(Via Political Wire.)

Phone Envy

My contract with Cingular runs out in March. I had thought I would leave after that, maybe go to Verizon, but now I'm not so sure.

First of all, I now have good reception in my apartment. In my previous place, I couldn't get a single call. Now, nearly every call is great.

Second, the recent merger with AT&T Wireless could make for a pretty kick ass network.

But most importantly, Cingular is the first mobile phone company with the Motorola RAZR V3.

Do I want a $500 phone, though?

Yeah, I guess I kind of do.

More info.

UPDATE: Actually, I should say Cingular is the first carrier in the United States with the RAZR. Europe always gets the cool phones before we do.

Shut Up and Salute, Maggot!

Happy Veteran's Day. Light a candle or something. Seriously. You ungrateful bastard.

Your Moment of Zen

We hope Mr. Sinitski is recovering from his battle with Halo Flu...

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1493580/20041109/index.jhtml
(thanks for the link, Bollo)

Meanwhile, Arlo's here to MoZ your butt raw.

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Today's MoZ topic
-----------------

What happens when you have too much time on your hands
and you're simply too smart for your own damn good?

*** NERDERY ***

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LEGO ART
Meet Arlo's cousin Nathan
http://www.nullgel.com/legoart.html

AWESOME COMPUTER MODS
The ElectriClerk
http://www.ahleman.com/Props/ElectriClerk.html
Big Pile of Computer
http://www.g-news.ch/articles/nhp200nc/
Kana (a computer with panties)
http://www.mini-itx.com/projects/ern005pc/
CVN-65 USS Enterprise Aircraft Carrier (check out the mouse)
http://www.mini-itx.com/projects/carrier/

STAR WARS DVD CHANGES
Everything that George Lucas changed in STAR WARS, including
the awful travesty of having Greedo shoot first
http://www.dvdanswers.com/sw1.html
And how did Greedo manage to miss?
http://www.arts.mcgill.ca/programs/polisci/faculty/rexb/greedo.html

SUSHI USB FLASH DRIVES
Is my homework on the eel or the yellowtail?
http://www.gizmodo.com/archives/sushi-usb-flash-drives-023561.php

WHY NERDS ARE UNPOPLUAR
An intelligent treatise on why Arlo was pelted with spitballs in high school
http://www.paulgraham.com/nerds.html

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TOMORROW: I'm putting together a Music MoZ. If you have any links to bizarre MP3s, email them to me at arlo@arlodesign.com.

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Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Go with God. Far, far, away. Please. Go.

Ok, so in Mac Wellman's play 7 Blowjobs, a set of dirty pictures sets to bring down Senator Bob's hyper-Christo-momo-fascist career. When I directed the play in...oh hell, freakin 1997 or 1998 or something like that, it was pretty relevant. I can't remember now if we knew then about miss Monica, but in the lewd and luscious '90s, it didn't really matter. With Newt and the Contract ON America sweeping the nation, blowjobs were big business across the board.

Kind of like the late 1800s.

Kind of like Christianity is now.

I've wanted to re-stage the play every year since then, both to try it again now that I'm more politically active, and also for fear that it would become too dated to be relevant.

Silly me.

Bob Jones University figured prominently into the play, with Senator Bob's right hand bigot being a proud alum. Now that W. has his barely-more-than-50%-and-probably-stolen-anyway mandate, BJU is having a banner year. Check this shit out.

I read somewhere the other day....I'm pretty sure it was Slate but it might have been Hustler, that the Christian Right/Radical Right is trying to retitle itself "evangelical Christians." In hopes this makeover will make them sound more like the middle of the road-dwellers they're claiming to be.

Please don't let it happen. Don't let them get away with it. Call them what they are. If you're polite (whatever), call them the Chirstian Right. Personally, I like to call them Christo-fascists. Especially when the 4-square church down the street is letting out on Wednesday nights and I'm in the parking lot, peeing on their bushes.

Misogyny: A New Paradigm

Now, I'm a sensitive guy. I'm a man who meticulously looks after the needs of the ladies; especially when those needs involve sausage. However, I also know what it feels like to be left wounded and bleeding by an estrogen-laced scramasax wielded by the cunning and poikilothermous hands of a woman scorned. And when I cast my glance around me, I see that I am not alone. Yea though I walk through the valley of harlots, I shall fear no woman. Why? Because there is always someone you can turn to in a times of trial. Or somewhere you can go to work through your pain. Namely, here.

MEAT

One of the earliest posts I made on this blog was a screed against vegetarians. Very little Liberal Guilt™ impedes my consumption of animal flesh.

Case in point: Monday night, faithful blogger Kelly and I went to Merle's. If you like meat, eat at Merle's. Any kind of barbeque you can think of, whether wet, dry, or in between, they have it. Red states may not be able to vote responsibly, but damn, do they know how to cook.

I had a half-slab of smoked ribs done up with a Tennesee sauce. And it was a combo, so I got to pick another meat. I picked pulled beef brisket. My two sides were mac-and-cheese and baked beans. When my meal came to the table, I was presented with a plate with the ribs--a slice of bacon was cooked right into the slab--and three bowls with the brisket and the sides. It was presented as meat with a side of meat.

Kelly had pork chops. Everyone is so scared of pork so they overcook it. Too often, homecooked pork chops I'm served are black and tough. Properly cooked pork is tender and juicy with a creamy color. Kelly's pork chops, of which he was happy to share a bite, were perfect.

Washed down with a mason jar full of beer, and I was pretty much just drunk on meat.

A few months ago, I was part of a group that went to Fogo de Chao. Talk about drunk on meat. I must have eaten three pounds of meat, all perfectly cooked. Lamb, beef, pork, chicken. Totally awesome.

Last night, I decided to try the mexican place around the corner from my new apartment. I wasn't feeling adventurous, so I ordered what I usually get: burrito suizo de pollo, muchas gracias. Then I gandered at the house specialties, some Ecuadorian cuisine.

They serve goat.

I remember reading the Cliff's Notes for The Iliad or The Odyssey or something like that in high school (I'm a late bloomer in intelligencia). There was a description of a feast at which goat was served. Since then, I've always wanted to try it.

The woman at the restaurant last night said the closest comparison would be venison. I love venison. So I'll be heading over there soon to order up some goat.

What I'm talking about here is good meat. Meat that's raised properly and humanely. Meat that doesn't exploit workers. Meat that isn't injected full of hormones and what not. Cheeseburgers (which I don't eat anymore after reading Fast Food Nation) are usually not good meat.

And I don't eat a pound of meat every day. I don't order my salads with extra beef. The occasional gorge is okay (and delicious), but we still have to eat in a way that is responsible to our bodies.

So what's the point of all this?

Actually, I don't think I had a point. I just wanted to tell you that I love meat.

Playing With Fire

After visiting a few conservative web sites, the following e-mail appeared in my in-box. Bob had something he wanted me to know:
You demonstrate a basic understanding of warfare, and how it is to be used to keep the peace. I pity people such as yourself who cannot come face to face with reality, but instead cower behind false visions of "peace" and universal brotherhood. Nobody ever wants war, but when waged, it has to be absolute, devastating, complete and triumphal to serve its purposes. Humanity in the long run will be better served if we quickly eradicate 100% of these terrorist thugs

So I responded to Bob thusly:

"Bob:

Thanks for the e-mail. You've clearly got an evangelical zest to change minds and alter viewpoints. Or maybe you're just angry and in a provocative mood. Either way, you've done a splendid job of encapsulating the position for a full-throttle war in the Middle East; at least from the perspective of a belligerent patriot. Staying true to the long traditions of belligerent patriotism, you're also assuming that those of us that feel that this war is an incompetent and ill-conceived mess are ideological pacifists. But hey, that's to be expected. It would be counterproductive to your own interests to entertain any position that might slow the calcification of your own beliefs. That we are fighting terrorists today in Fallujah is a convenient (if not altogether true) characterization. But this is the kind of reductionism that characterizes all wars. And you know what? If it helps the soldiers to win by temporarily engaging in this kind of skewered reductionism, then fine. But it still isn't true. And don't expect those of us that know better to trundle into your bandwagon because you fling around epithets like 'coward'.

And by the way, wars most assuredly do not need to be 'absolute, devastating, complete and triumphal'. If they did, we'd all have been vaporized by nuclear weapons a long, long time ago."

Bob, it seems, forwarded this message to Stephen. Stephen, it turns out, was none to happy with what I wrote and decided to take it upon himself to give me piece of his mind. To wit:

Interesting phrase above..."those of us that feel.."In this phrase you have unconsciously betrayed yourself, as you have identified that the basis for your argument is the way that you feel. I expect that you will argue otherwise, but you have tipped your hand. I would not expect you to think logically, because that is not the way you will approach this issue.

I have a question for you; have you graduated from a US Military academy? Have you ever taught at a War College? Have you served in a planning, or strategic capacity for any branch of the US Armed services, or for NATO? Do you have any expertise, whatsoever, about matters military?

I fond your arrogance above to be stunning; I am quite certain that the answers to all the above questions are no, yet you presume to "know better" than the emtire chain of command of the US Military. Sorry sister, you don't and you are an amateur.

You know little about war, the history of war, and you are not even well educated enough to know what was meant by the phrase "absolute, devastating, complete and triumphal"...in this you have displayed your ignorance yet again. Read up a bit on the history of warfare and perhaps you will come accross the hidden meaning, which is not so hidden, at all of this statement. Until then, you are just another whiney peacenik who doesn't know shit about shinola....

Regards,

Someone Who Does Know

P.S. Look on a map and see if you can figure out where Bahrain, Oman, and the UAE are....what do YOU know of these lands, and of these people? Ever lived there?

Guess what ...I have and I do....

Thoroughly whupped by Stephen's linguistic lashing, I finally set out to calm the waters and sooth the smokin' brows of my conservative brothers. I responded to Stephen thusly:

"Thank you for straightening me out. You're absolutely right that I 'feel' that some characteristics of our military policy are inappropriate and would benefit from being changed. I didn't know (until now) how that statement really does betray a deep ignorance of "fact" on my part; and a concomitant over-reliance on emotion.

I'm sorry to have stunned you with my arrogance. While I'm not altogether sure what I wrote that was arrogant, I'm willing to concede the overarching tone of my previous correspondence was, frankly, haughty.

Finally, I'm awed by your impressive command of the 'facts' – as multivalent and often contradictory as 'facts' can sometimes be. Although I have no verifiable data to suggest that your are a vast reservoir of brilliance, I nonetheless concede that your are. That's what I do. I concede things because it's convenient and emotionally rewarding.

I must go away now, and conduct some research on the relative dissimilarities that exist between shinola and shit."

Hopefully the matter is now resolved. But the moral of this story is clear: engaging in dialogue with pissed off vets, red state gun enthusiasts, and GOP foot soldiers is a risky enterprise. Unfortunately, someone has to do it.

I want a new drug (dealer)

Maybe next they'll outlaw condoms:
Mississippi enacted a sweeping statute that went into effect in July that allows health care providers, including pharmacists, to not participate in procedures that go against their conscience. South Dakota and Arkansas already had laws that protect a pharmacist's right to refuse to dispense medicines. Ten other states considered similar bills this year.

The American Pharmacists Association, with 50,000 members, has a policy that says druggists can refuse to fill prescriptions if they object on moral grounds, but they must make arrangements so a patient can still get the pills. Yet some pharmacists have refused to hand the prescription to another druggist to fill.

In Madison, Wis., a pharmacist faces possible disciplinary action by the state pharmacy board for refusing to transfer a woman's prescription for birth-control pills to another druggist or to give the slip back to her. He would not refill it because of his religious views.

Some advocates for women's reproductive rights are worried that such actions by pharmacists and legislatures are gaining momentum.
I kind of know a pharmacist, so I may talk to him about this a little if I see him. Here's what I don't understand: If a pharmacist can refuse to dispense a medication because he disagrees with its use, does that mean he can refuse to give an African American anything because he's morally opposed to Black people?

(Via BoingBoing.)

Let the Eagle Soar...

...right the fuck out of Washington:
Dear Mr. President:

Nothing in my life compares to the high honor of serving America as Attorney General in your administration.

The cause of justice is indeed a serious calling. Americans have been spared the violence and savaging of terrorist attack on our soil since September 11, 2001.

During the last four years our violent crime rate has plunged to a 30-year low.

Under your “Project Safe Neighborhoods” the number of gun crimes has fallen to its lowest level in modern history. Drug use among America’s young people has fall and continues to fall significantly.
Corporate integrity has been restored with the work of your corporate Fraud Task Force. As a result United States Markets have reinforced their position as the trusted allocators of the world’s capital resources.

Thank you for your leadership which has made these and many other justice-related achievements possible.
The demands of justice are both rewarding and depleting. I take great personal satisfaction in the record which has been developed. The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved. The rule of law has been strengthened and upheld in the courts. Yet, I believe that the Department of Justice would be well served by new leadership and fresh inspiration. I believe that my energies and talents should be directed toward other challenging horizons.

Therefore, I humbly state my desire to resign from the office of United States Attorney General.

It would be my pleasure to structure the announcement of this resignation and the ensuing transition in conjunction with you so that your administration and the course of justice are served optimally.

I have handwritten this letter so its confidentiality can be maintained until the appropriate arrangements mentioned above can be made.

I am grateful to you for the profound honor of serving under your clear, principled leadership.

May God continue to bless, guide, and direct you and your family as you lead American forward in freedom.

Most Sincerely,
John Ashcroft
There's also talk of Condi, Colon, and Rummy being on the way out. I thought we were told during the campaign that you shouldn't change horses mid-stream, or however that expression goes.

Your Moment of Zen

While my friend Sean is away from work playing Halo 2, I'm in charge of his mass weird e-mail thread "Your Moment of Zen." I'll post them here on the blog because, you know, I can.

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TODAY'S MoZ TOPIC:

It's autumn. It's brisk. It's...
*** SWEATER WEATHER ***

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THE KEVIN F. SHERRY SWEATER PROJECT
"Bill Cosby would not wear this."
http://www.buriedlede.com/projects/sweater.html

LLOYD AND TREVOR KRIEGEL'S WORLD OF SWEATERS
"Genetics made them family, but sweaters made them brothers."
http://www.chickenhead.com/features/sweaters/index2.html

GEM SWEATER COLLECTION
Bad lighting makes it funnier.
http://www.lesliehall.com/8-sweaters.html

SICKENING SEVENTIES SWEATERS
"...some of the most disgustingly awful articles of clothing ever created by man!"
http://www.retrocrush.com/archive/sweaters/

THE SWEATER STORY
Goal: To journey along Oxford Street in London, trying on ladies angora sweaters.
http://www.articles.halfempty.com/culture/99-07-05.htm

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TOMORROW: Some of Arlo's favorite nerds

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Tuesday, November 09, 2004

I've been saying this for years!

Hoo doggie, and I thought I was hostile. But I do decla-ah, he's got it all right. And you know, if we'd freakin let Mexico HAVE Texas, we'd be invading THEM for oil now, not Iraq.

Exactly Where Howard Dean Needs to Be

Behind the scenes:
MONTPELIER, Vt. Former Governor Howard Dean is considering a bid to become chairman of the Democratic Party.
Steve Grossman, himself a former chairman of the Democratic National Committee, says Dean told him he was considering the run.

But Dean, during an appearance in Albany, New York, said he hadn't made up his mind. He says he's received thousands of e-mails urging him to run.

Dean's spokeswoman, Laura Gross says it's too early to be speculating about a D-N-C run.

The roughly 240 members of the D-N-C will elect a new chair early next year. Several names are already being mentioned for the position, including former Clinton aide Harold Ickes; Donna Brazile, who ran Al Gore's presidential campaign, and Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack
Tom Vilsack needs to run for President, not DNC chair.

Monday, November 08, 2004

No Clever Title, Just the Truth: Democrats Must Focus on Voter Fraud

This article's a few days old, but read it and shed a tear:
So we can call Ohio and New Mexico for John Kerry—if we count all the votes.

But that won't happen. Despite the Democratic Party's pledge, the leadership this time gave in to racial disenfranchisement once again. Why? No doubt, the Democrats know darn well that counting all the spoiled and provisional ballots will require the cooperation of Ohio's Secretary of State, Blackwell. He will ultimately decide which spoiled and provisional ballots get tallied. Blackwell, hankering to step into Kate Harris' political pumps, is unlikely to permit anything close to a full count. Also, Democratic leadership knows darn well the media would punish the party for demanding a full count.
As I said last Wednesday, even if Kerry had won Ohio and New Mexico, he would have lost the popular vote. Bush lost the popular vote in 2000. That would not have boded well for a President Kerry.

But I'm not done. This is popping up a lot:
Scattered other problems may change results in races around the state. Local officials said UniLect, the maker of the county's electronic voting system, told them that each storage unit could handle 10,500 votes, but the limit was actually 3,005 votes.
There is a serious problem with the voting system in this country, and the people benefiting from those problems are the ones who would have to fix it.

If Democrats want an issue that they can use to make Republicans look bad, it's voter fraud. With such a high turnout last week, voting as an issue may resonate with—guess who—voters. A high profile Dem needs to hook up with a high profile GOP and launch a congressional investigation. And then Dems need to start pushing hard for voting reform.

Sure, Sean Hannity and other musky ballsacks will accuse the Dems of being sore losers, but ultimately, everyone wants their vote counted, and if anyone doesn't want to support voting reform, then that person doesn't support voting. That's right, Democrats, it's time to start fighting fire with fire. It's time to stand up to the opposition and say, "If you don't want to reform our electoral system to make it fairer for everyone, Senator Cockgobbler, then you don't support Democracy, "

Please, Democrats, the iron is hot. This is the issue for the next four years, not stem cell research. If George Bush wants to bring Democracy to the Middle East, he'd better support bringing it home, too. Get to work.

I'm writing a letter to my Senator and Senator-Elect and Representative to tell them that it's time voter fraud became a serious, high-profile issue for the Democratic party. Will you join me?

Amanuensis' Revenge

Muchos Gracias to Eric Engberg, for taking a hiatus from your retirement to give us the gift of your wisdom in "Blogging As Typing, Not Journalism". Thank you so much. As someone who reads blogs quite a bit – and even writes for one from time to time – it's refreshing to hear that I'd be better off relying on "mainstream media" to keep me informed; and less of a diarist/dilettante if I'd just shut the fuck up and listen. Indeed, such a salient message from a personage of your pedigree is surely worth emerging from retirement to write – even if you were wearing pajamas when your wrote it. The commentary and context provided by mainstream media is certainly more reliable, dependant upon higher standards, and more trustworthy than any other alternative source. Furthermore, if we'd just check in with CBS News, CNN.com, or Fox News every once in awhile (and happily swallow the smooth pellets of fecal malaise shot down our gullets thereby), we would be packed full of safe ideas and thoroughly vetted content. That would be great. Eric, you're a boneheaded jackass. But me? I'm just a typist.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Oh, Canada

I brought this up to my significant other as a possibility for our future. We've always operated under the assumption that he's more into alternative lifestyles than I. But now I win. Apparently 2 chicks is ok, but throw in the remote possibility of another dude, and suddenly I'm living with Ward Cleaver.

Friday, November 05, 2004

Don't Make Me Kick Your Ass, Lucas

If Revenge of the Sith sucks, I swear to God, George, I'm never dressing as a Jedi for Halloween ever again.

As for the trailer (QuickTime), like the trailers for Episodes I and II, it looks kick ass.

Is that the Emperor with a lightsaber?



There's lots of lava. Gee, why will Vader need that robot body?



I haven't seen this many wookies since Life Day:



And the return of Lucas's smartest device ever, a sexy haircut that no one has ever had:



I will, of course, take a personal day on May 19, 2005. I only get three of those a year, Lucas. Don't fuck with me. Twice now, I've walked out of one of your movies having enjoyed it, only to realize later that I was wowed by the special effects and that the movie ultimately sucked. (I'm still an apologist for Episode II, though it's rife with problems.)

It's your last chance, George. Don't make me come over there.

Not In Our Name My Ass

Oh goodie. These United States are about to unleash a fresh kind of hell on Falluja, or rather, "Iraq's anti-US uprising". I'm not sure, but I don't think that this band of evil-doers is in possession of WMD. But that's okay. We're all aware that if we don't start kicking some serious ass – an soon! – America's safety will be in jeopardy. Okay, no. The folks in Falluja won't necessarily be launching an offensive on Boise. But that's not the point. If we fail to act, the world will "drift towards tragedy". And that means Boise ain't fucking safe, Paco.

Who's A Good Boy?

From Daniel Gross' article in Slate, "Why Democrats Should Be Thankful":
In decades past, increasing Republican dominance of the House and Senate would have meant more fiscal discipline. But Republicans increasingly dominate the states that are net drains on Federal taxes—the Southern and Great Plains states—while fading in the coastal states that produce a disproportionate share of federal revenue. (It's Republicans, not Democrats, who are sucking on the federal teat.) What Amity Shlaes quaintly identified in today's Financial Times as the "southern culture of tax cutting" has been married to the southern culture of failing to generate wealth and the southern culture of depending on federal largesse. The offspring is an unsightly deficit monster.
This is the essential flaw of the "culture war" – it predisposes people to think of everything in cultural terms. The cultural tradition of beatifying "character" as the crown jewel of the human experience has corrupted the ability of Americans to understand causal economic relationships. The tax giveaways to massive agricultural concerns in the red states are sold as "incentives"; slash & burn approaches to poverty assistance programs are likewise sold as "incentives". While on the face of it, such a deliberately inconsistent application of incentives would appear hypocritical. But it isn't. It's a values-based determination which relies on a very particular notion of "character". Americans of exemplary character will be encouraged into entrepreneurial behavior by the promise of tax breaks and, in some cases, free real estate or even cash handouts. Americans of diminutive character will likewise be encouraged to adopt a productive work ethic by withholding cash and destroying the "nanny state" (i.e. Social Security and other social safety nets). By applying this system of punishment and reward by using such a fallacious and subjective qualifier as "character", the government is sowing the seeds for the selfsame kinds of social and economic turmoil it is ostensibly trying to avoid. Personally, I've never encountered a person of means who didn't feel that they had acquired their fortunes as a direct result of the superlative nature of their character. And who wouldn't rather invest in a winner – irrespective of how they became a winner? The ability to generate wealth is, in fact, irrelevant; as the quote above makes clear. What matters, ultimately, is whether or not the person – or entity – is wealthy. Once the infrastructure of a corporate welfare queen is in place, it is virtually impossible for government to pry the remora loose.

One chick, 25 days, one novel.

So I've decided that even though i'm far too busy (and fond of television) to pull it off, I'm going to write a novel in a month

Nothing ventured nothing gained. I don't want to cheat and work on the manuscript I started 2 years ago and have yet to finish.

But the slate is otherwise blank. I appeal to you, gentle readers, to give me:
a title
a plot
a plot twist
character names
a location
the murder weapon
etc.....

please put any suggestions, the more outrageous and off the tops of your heads, the better, in the comments.

one, all some, none...I'll take what i have, select what i like, and, by midnight tonight (Pacific), make a go at it.

The event officially began Nov 1, so as usual, I'm already late......

Thursday, November 04, 2004

WHOSE hostile environment?

So I’m sitting around after hours today talking with some of my coworkers about the abomination that was Tuesday’s election.

It should be noted here that we’re a design firm in Portland, Oregon. Culturally and economically, we are as a sum about as far left as you can get while still showering daily, buying retail, and eating meat. Out of a staff of 12, 3 of us took yesterday off because the elections made us physically ill.

So we’re talking. And it comes out that one of the kids in the office (he’s gone home by now), was for Bush. During all of the office hypothesizing and hyperbolizing that we’ve done in the last few months, this fellow has kept his mouth shut the entire time.

I said I wished he hadn’t. I said I’d have liked the opportunity to engage him. The guy who’s supposed to be my manager/mentor says that the little guy probably didn’t want the new asshole I’d have given him. Which is a valid point. But I’m angrier at the lad for not participating than I am for what he believes. And it’s precisely because if you can’t talk about it, then YOU DON"T REALLY BELIEVE IT! You’re merely regurgitating some trash your mama-bird stuffed down your weak little throat.

OK, maybe my boss had a point about the asshole thing. But he then goes on to say that it’s probably a good thing the young man in question isn’t suing us for creating a hostile environment.

I nearly pooped.

We live in a nation that is run by right-wing whack-jobs who are now apparently the majority, and I’m creating a hostile environment?

Oh, I’m definitely hostile. Rage issues like you wouldn’t believe.

But if you want to discuss an environment, I think you’re looking up the wrong skirt, pal.

I live in Oregon. One of the 11 states that now has the dubious honor of getting to write bigotry INTO its constitution. The guy who sits on the other side of my cube farm wall at work is saying that he’s going to start going to church every week so they don’t come to get him and his daughter. He’s serious. Because of the bumper stickers on my car, there are certain parts of the state where I only park head-out, to be sure my tires aren’t slashed when I return.

And I’M creating a hostile environment?



In the words of a Christian gentleman we all know,

Go fuck yourself.


Thrice the Vituperative Bloggery

Kelly's been a huge hit here at Like You Really Care, even if he did totally poo-poo what I thought was a genius film. Kelly has raised the discourse here considerably, and now it's time to raise that bar even higher.

So I went out and found a girl.

Readers, please welcome new blogger Temple Lentz to Like You Really Care. She spent some time here in Chicago, but now she's out on the West Coast writing a novel and doing whatever the Hell else it is that she does. She's politically active, well-spoken, and well-read. If you like what she's written, leave a comment. If you don't, leave a comment. Either way, you're not getting your money back.

You see, the key to having a successful blog is to cajole people smarter than yourself to write for it.

Glad your here, Temple.

Maggots Clean Wounds

In 1967 Lyndon Johnson signed the Civil Rights Act into law. It is no coincidence that the South, feeling bitterly betrayed by the Federal government, began its lumbering shift to the political right as a result. The latent homophobia and racism of the southern Democrat simply shifted with it, and became the latent homophobia and racism of the southern Republican. Perhaps the LBJ model is one that may yet work again. If a dyed-in-the-wool conservative like George W. Bush were to betray his political base by committing a single, bold, decisive blow for civil rights – the bigots would abandon him as they abandoned the party of LBJ. The left could once again attain the reins of power. Why may this be the best possible hope for reclaiming the White House in 2008 (or 2012)? Well, because racists bigots will continue to be racists bigots – no matter what. If the 2004 election tells us anything, it tells us something we already know: people will not vote in their own economic interests if such a vote means that they'll have to live next to faggots and niggers. Rush Limbaugh, quite sadly, is correct: this is a conservative country. It has become more so over the last 12 years as the political gurus and spin-doctors of the Right have played to the cultural prejudices and outright bigotry of rural America. The votes don't lie. People are terrified of homosexuals, atheism, Harry Potter and Charles Darwin. Centuries of enlightenment and galactic leaps of science have had no discernible impact on the knuckle-dragging troglodytes of the U.S. Senate. The voters aren't fools: they're assholes. And as they say in that terrible, hateful, monstrously shit-smeared film Team America: World Police: it takes a dick to fuck an asshole.

Redistricting the Northern Hemisphere

Kelly couldn't navigate uploading an image to the blog (I'll show you soon, buddy), so he asked me to do it:



I'm sure he'll be kind and sweet enough to post in the comments something pithy, along with a source.

Worst... banner ad... EVER!



If you're smart enough to ensnare idiots with a silly Flash animation and an offers of a free iPod, then you should be smart enough to spell.

And I guess you should also be smart enough to know the difference between a gangster and a cowboy.

(Found at AppleInsider.)

Arlen Gets a Pass Today... and Arlo Moralizes

Just ask anyone I partied with Tuesday night, I was pissed that Hoffel didn't beat Specter. Specter is pretty middle of the road, not the most evil of Republicans out there (i.e., he's no Tom DeLay or Bill Frist). Yet, right now, Specter is on my good side:
The likely new chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, moderate Sen. Arlen Specter, R-Pa., warned the White House against trying to fill any upcoming Supreme Court vacancies with judges who would oppose abortion rights or invite Democrats to block them for being too conservative.

"I would expect the president to be mindful of the considerations which I am mentioning," said Specter, who was elected Tuesday to a fifth six-year term.

This link courtesy of today's Progress Report, which also had this to say (listen up Dad, Mom, Stepdad, and all of the other moralizing, evangelical hypocrites out there who voted for Bush):

On Election Day 2004, 18 million Americans reportedly voted for President Bush because of "moral values," which "edged terrorism and the economy as the top issue" of the election. But on a number of issues that should be critical to voters who care about morality, the president needs to do better in his second term. "Regardless of who leads this country," said National Council of Churches General Secretary Robert Edgar, "the agenda of the church must always respond faithfully to the Bible's timeless mandate to minister to the poor, the marginalized and the outcast; and to be seekers and makers of peace." To that end, progressive religious groups such as Hadassah, Interfaith Alliance and the Protestants for the Common Good (PCG) are encouraging people of faith to work toward reforms on moral issues such as economic justice, poverty, affordable housing and the environment.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Bile Valve (Pardon Me)

Healing? Coming together? Working "across the isle"? Bullshit. This sad little man is going to take his fancy new majorities in the Congress and fuck us harder that we've ever been fucked before. Bend over America…you're about to get fucked. That's right. Fucked. And you know what!? YOU DESERVE IT. You voted for this son-of-a-bitch, now choke on him.

George W. Bush - Dead at age 72.

Seriously though, we've got a lot to look forward to.

Sophie's Choice 2004

Scenario I

The President has pitted us against the world in a Kirk v. Gorn death-match. We stare across the arena at the world and say, "Why must we fight? Isn't there a better way?" Bush says, "No. They're terrorists. One of you must die." The world cries out, "I'm not a terrorist! I just have Alien hand syndrome." And so we're stuck. We have two choices:

1. Do the Muhammad Ali ropadope and spryly exhaust our opponents and forestall killing off the world by an exhaustive demonstration of skill and patience. Re-jigger our endgame to 2008.

2. If you can't beat 'em, join e'm. Gobble down some Tex-Mex, dawn a dusty Stetson, and get busy. Genuflect, rub some spit into our palms, and kick the living hell out of the world.

Scenario II

We have been denied parole. Over the past four years we've volunteered in the commissary, initiated a "prison garden initiative" (improving the dietary choices throughout the prison system by implementing energy-saving technologies and a state-of-the-art irrigation system), and we've nursed 2 sick birds and a spider back to health using nothing but toothpaste and a urinal puck. We've read every book in prison library. Twice. And now, we're being sent back to our cell with "DENIED" stamped on our parole request. We have three choices.

1. Work with our buddies in the laundry room and kitchen to construct a crude explosive device. Get Medieval on the warden's ass by packing the fucking thing with razor blades. Get covered in prison tats and hurl liquefied feces at the guards. Earn a stint or two in solitary and get an extended sentence…and a bus ticket to Topeka in 2012.

Pull a Shawshank Redemption. Placate the guards with smooth talk, do the warden's taxes for him while secretly building an escape tunnel from the wall of the cell. Be prepared (and maniacally optimistic) enough to crawl through a mile of shit to get away. Requires stealth and a spiritually uplifting soundtrack.

3. Shut up an do your fucking time.

Not really silver... let's call it a pewter lining.

Now that John Kerry has conceded (good speech, by the way), I'm going to do a very un-blog-like thing:

I'm going to look on the bright side.

Here are some reasons why we, the people who care about the tangible (jobs, the mess in Iraq) instead of the intangible (terrorist boogie men, moral values), can be thankful that John Kerry lost:

  1. Even if John Kerry had won the electoral college, he would have lost the popular vote. This is one of the complaints levied against George Bush from 2000, and it would have made John Kerry look pretty bad going into office.
  2. Nixon won a second term. Remember how that went?
  3. Iraq cannot be fixed. John Kerry would be blamed that he didn't fix it.
  4. Democrats have a running start to raise money for the 2008 election.
  5. After watching gay rights get shithammered yesterday and seeing the disparity between how whites and minorities voted, folks are going to get fed up pretty fast. A social uprising is well underway.


Furthermore, and this may make me unpopular, but I'm glad that Tom Daschle lost. I've always thought Daschle was a pussy and that the Democrats needed new leadership in the Senate. If that leader becomes Dick Durbin, then we will have someone who can rally the Dems and will also be very close to Barack Obama, the new Denzel Washington of the Senate.

I have more thoughts about 2008 and what the next four years will be like and what we can do about it. Blogger is all sorts of screwed up right now; I'm surprised I was able to post this much.

More to come...

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Do Unto Others

A comment buried in a long string on my favorite right-wing blog:
I think our boy is going down. Sick to my stomach.

Humility is a longstanding characteristic of good sportsmanship. Gentlemen, they say, don't gloat. Fair enough. Instead of gloating, I suggest that we pay our adversaries the ultimate flattery: imitation. Let us boldly apply the lessons that George W. Bush and his ilk have taught us over the last four years. As the election results unfold, let us not weaken our core principles by placating our rivals; paying undue observance to their views. Let us be steadfast, bold, and resolute. There is but one goal: Victory. If our Republican friend's stomach keeps getting sicker (the poor dear), let us lock away the Tums. Flush the antacid down the commode. It is our duty to rid our countrymen of their heinous poltergeists, and in order to do that we must be unrelenting in our attacks upon them.

GO TEAM!

Monday, November 01, 2004

Peeking Into The Crystal Ball

Zachary Roth and Brian Montopoli have written articles fit to publish on Wednesday, explaining why the election turned the way it will did. Check 'em out for an advance view of the spin you're likely to be subjected to about in the weeks ahead.

Gracias Yglesias.

Don't forget to...

Enjoy that overwhelming sense of powerlessness that will wash over you tomorrow as your fate (as well as that of the world) is decided by a drooling horde of sunburned geriatrics and angry Cubans.

In 30 Hours, we'll know where the recounts will be.

All kidding aside, things actually look pretty good on the eve of the election:

My browser's homepage is showing Kerry in the lead.

John Zogby said Kerry will win, and many other polls are putting Kerry ahead (link).

The Packers won (and Weekly Reader can go screw itself).

I'm sure I don't have to tell you to vote tomorrow. If you don't know where your polling place is, try here. Those of you voting in Chicago should certainly check out Kelly's post about judges. There was a great article in the Reader last weekend about how judges who need to leave the bench are rarely if ever voted off. Let's start changing that. (I, for one, only vote to retain judges that get the thumbs up from all the bar associations.)

And can someone please please please do me a favor? Tape tomorrow night's Daily Show for me. I won't have cable for a few months, and I'm going to an election results party hosted by a guy who also doesn't have cable. Then, after you've taped it, let me come over and watch it—I don't have a VCR.

Thank you. God bless you. And God bless the United States of America.