The Shrieking Leviathan of Doom ascends from its watery lair, swallowing whole the forsaken and the damned in their agonizing descent into hell

While most political hacks are chattering away about what the candidates will be saying in the "series-of-short-canned-speeches" (aka "debate") tonight, those truly in-the-know will be rubbing wet hunks of garlic under their arms, squeezing the eyeballs out of frogs, tossing powdered wallaby teeth over their shoulders, and, yes, looking for omens.

Ashcroft to Appeal Truth

Good news in Bush's war on the American people:

In the first decision against a surveillance portion of the [USA PATRIOT Act], [U.S. District Judge Victor] Marrero ruled for the American Civil Liberties Union in its challenge against what it called "unchecked power" by the FBI to demand secret customer records from communication companies, such as Internet service providers or telephone companies.

…"We believe the act to be completely consistent with the United States' Constitution," [John Ashcroft] added.

He also believes that the sun is made of salted butter and that a little fairy princess is locked inside his heart, thump thump thumping to get out.

Gracias Stiggie.

A Pearl From Perle's Perilous Past

I've been reading George Crile's book, Charlie Wilson's War, and came across a nice passage involving uber-tard Richard Perle. Fortunately, Calpundit summed it all up rather succinctly a long time ago.

Please Don't Hit Me

Blogging is often regarded as a nerdy and effete pastime. Not so, gentle reader. For this blogger may very well get his ass kicked. Let this be a reminder: words have power...even if they're only the words of damn fool nobodies like me.

By the way, for anyone who may be considering an actual physical attack upon my person, my only defense mechanism is to run away screaming like an eight year-old girl being chased by a swarm of bees. So wear earplugs.

I'm off this week.

Due to an unexpected life event, I doubt I'll be doing any blogging this week. Kelly will keep you entertained. Thanks for visiting.

Xur and the Kodan Armada in B-minor.

From Slashdot: Further proof that the musical theater format has become a complete mockery of itself and the only interesting musicals anymore are adaptations of movies and adaptations of bad movies: The Last Starfighter: The Musical. (In case you don't remember: The Last Starfighter was the first movie to use entirely computer-generated special effects and the last silver-screen appearance of Robert Preston.)

Marijuana legalization: good. Marijuana fines: bad. Marijuana smoking: groovy.

Yeah, yeah, Bush took a dump with his mouth in front of the UN yesterday. Center for American Progress does a far better job with the stool sample than I ever could.

Instead, I want to talk about the wacky tobacky.

There's all sorts of ways you can predict how fining marijuana possessors (as opposed to distributors) would impact society. On the outset, marijuana possession fines reduces the stigma to nothing more than getting a speeding ticket. And everyone exceeds the speed limit now and then. So it must be a great idea, right?

Wrong. It's a bad idea.

If the majority of marijuana possession cases get thrown out anyway, then all the accused has suffered is time wasted. On the other hand, when slapped with a fine, now the accused is out $250.

Secondly, when more African Americans live in poverty than Whites, and when African Americans get busted for marijuana possession disproportionately to Whites, that means that more poor Blacks than fortunate Whites would be slapped with hefty fines. That's a Venn diagram that I don't like. (See ACLU.)

I'd also like to point out a loaf of bullshit flung in the article linked above:

Fraternal Order of Police president Mark Donahue acknowledged too many cases involving small quantities of marijuana are "pitched at the initial hearing." But FOP members stand to lose thousands of dollars in court overtime if the city starts ticketing marijuana users instead of jailing them, he said.

Except, in the sidebar:

Most of the cases are dismissed because an officer does not appear in court to testify about the arrest or a lab technician fails to show up to verify that the seized grassy substance was, in fact, marijuana, sources say.

So, Officer Donahue, if the cops aren't even showing up to the arraignments, what overtime pay are you talking about?

If Chicago needs more money -- Hell, if any government needs more money -- how about turning a blind eye? Save money by not busting folks possessing under an ounce. And as for that $5 million in fines you would hope to raise under that system -- what if everyone contests their tickets? If the cop doesn't show up as s/he hasn't before, then I guess there's no fine anyway.

The only solution to all of this is to legalize marijuana and tax the bejeesus out of it. It stops the discrimination, it raises money for public works, and -- a pleasing idea for all the stoners out there -- it'll make pot cheaper than it is now. Supply would meet and exceed demand. I also believe that pot usage, upon legalization, would initially spike but would then subside slightly. Pot's legality would make it less exciting, and thus less prone to abuse, and thus fewer burn-outs.

I would propose a compromise, however: make the fines no larger than the cost of the pot. You get caught with a dime bag? You owe the city $10. You get caught with a quarter? That's $60 (so I've heard). That way, the city raises the fine money they need, the fines are affordable, and it will encourage stoners to only take as much pot as they need when they go out, which has the added bonus of forcing stoners to evaluate how much they need.

Ah, logic. Wouldn't it be great if our government was based on it?

TANGENT: Though I'm all for marijuana legalization, I want to call attention to one lie that is often perpetuated by Pro-Pot-ists: Yes, you can abuse pot, and yes, you can become addicted. Once your brain becomes accustomed to having its dopamine receptors flooded, anything less is perceived as a downer. Thus, depression is a physical withdrawal symptom of pot. And, logically, it stands that if it has a physical withdrawal symptom associated with it, it must be addictive. It may not be as addictive as nicotine or alcohol or internet sex, but don't lie and say pot is not addictive. There are far better -- i.e., true -- arguments you should use.

The Pleasure & Pain of Art

Sebastian Horsley, famed for being the first Westerner to undergo ritual crucifixion in the Philippines, finally fesses up to the real reason for such an extreme act of self-mutilation: he's a dirty little slut! Like you really care.

Russ Meyer 1922–2004

A little late, but I just found out from Stigmutha. Moment of silence for Russ Meyer. I surely hope that beyond the valley of this mortal coil, the afterlife is populated with supervixens, all of whom are mondo topless.

Bush on Kelley

The President weighs in on Kitty Kelley's new book.

The Unbearable Darkness of Being

How much time do we have left before the election? Not much. So, while I want nothing more than to turn my off-hour attention to far more interesting matters, I'm afraid that the issue du jour must remain unchanged for a little while longer. To that end, here's a thought:

First and foremost, of course, the president must keep the body count low if he wants to win [the election]. …. When enough die, it may even lead the news, or make the local news. It wouldn't be prudent to let that happen. So Bush has adopted policies designed to keep the death count low, primarily by avoiding ground combat in the Sunni triangle. Good campaign tactics, needless to say, but, as ever, the Bush team seems better at winning elections than winning wars. By delaying any assault on the wily Salafi terrorists (read: Democratic campaign operatives) lurking in Fallujah, Samarra, Ramadi, and Baquba until after November, we give them more time to dig in, prepare defenses, and strengthen their forces before the attack.

…This plan will get people killed. If an assault is to be mounted, it should be done as soon as possible, [not] after the adversary has been given months to prepare for it. The Marines and soldiers serving in Iraq volunteered for the military, but they've been conscripted into the Bush campaign.

Now, that may seem cynical, but consider this: nobody knows how to fight this war. Nobody. Since we may be deployed in Iraq for 100 years or more, maybe the best course of action is to simply hunker down and let the civil war begin. Maybe not. Since all the rules that used to govern our decision making in such matters have been replaced or are DOA, why not do what is familiar and safe: cover your own ass. We'll never know what might have come to pass if Saddam had stayed in power, but the price we pay for his removal is to shoulder the responsibility for what actually does come to pass. So hope for the best and plan for the worst: cover your own ass. Let the Humvee's smolder on the side of a road 6,211 miles away and declare that "Freedom is on the march". Think globally, act locally: cover your own ass. Unfortunately for Bush, tending to the security of one's ass can be challenging when your head is buried in the dirt.

On the subject of burying one's head in dirt:

When Paris [Hilton] and Merle Ginsberg, her co-author on her autobiography, "Confessions of an Heiress," ran into each other … Ginsbuerg congratulated [her] on reaching No. 5 on The Wall Street Journal's best-seller list.

"What's The Wall Street Journal? Is that good?" Paris asked.

Which brings me, finally, to my larger point involving heads and dirt. Did el Presidente ask the U.N. to buckle under and sacrifice for the greater good of mankind? Nope. He asked 'em to open up a trust fund. Observe:

...today I propose establishing a Democracy Fund within the United Nations. ... The fund would help countries lay the foundations of democracy by instituting the rule of law and independent courts, a free press, political parties and trade unions. Money from the fund would also help set up voter precincts and polling places, and support the work of election monitors. To show our commitment to the new Democracy Fund, the United States will make an initial contribution. I urge other nations to contribute, as well.

Strong words, Mr. President. But what about all that fighting stuff? Oh, right. There is no fighting in your world, you Utopian nut-sucker.

What I Want to Listen to When I Puke

So while I'm puking up steak, I could be listening to some new music on my 30th birthday. New albums are coming soon from Interpol, Fatboy Slim (a guilty pleasure), The Blood Brothers, and Pinback (that's an MP3 link). And, of course, what I'm looking forward to the most: SMiLE. Hopefully Frank is reading this and can leave a few more releases to look forward to in the comments.

Time To Make Lemonade

Robert Novack's column today (also see Talking Points Memo) makes the outlandishly plausible case that Bush is seriously considering an all-out withdrawal from Iraq following the election. Far from admitting defeat, such a move would admit nothing so much as complete incompetence. Near the end of Novack's frightening column, he inadvertently lays his finger on the essential nubbin of corrupt and fallacious thinking that has lacerated our policy toward the Middle East as a whole (I've taken the liberty of italicizing the lies):

The Kerry campaign, realizing that its only hope is to attack Bush for his Iraq policy, is not equipped to make sober evaluations of Iraq. When I asked a Kerry political aide what his candidate would do in Iraq, he could do no better than repeat the old saw that help is on the way from European troops….''We need to strengthen nation states,'' [David] Brooks wrote, calling for ''a multilateral nation-building apparatus.'' To chastened Bush officials, that sounds like an invitation to repeat Iraq instead of making sure it never happens again.

Apparently, Novack sees no distinction between the words "multilateral" and "unilateral". But what Novack thinks is neither here nor there. What the rest of the world thinks about such a distinction, however, is rather important. While Iraq had no ties to any major terrorist organizations before the war, today it is a different place. Kerry's "old saw" about allies is, you see, the only means to definitively win the Global War on Terror (GWOT). Simply put, we cannot leave. We cannot pull out. We cannot quit. Sure, Bush "fucked-the-bowlegged-poodle" (to steal a phrase), but now that the American Weenus is buried up to the short-&-curlies, we can't just yank it out (as it were). We've got to complete the act and sire some kind of a calmer, more connected, more integrated, more interdependent world. Forget European troops; the U.S. military is the only military big enough to handle this task. It's the other kinds of support that we need: corporate, humanitarian, political, etc. This isn't just a military effort goddamnit…and it's high time that conservative blabbermouths open their eyes to that fact.

What I Want to Puke

I already told you that I want to puke on my 30th birthday. Here's a birthday gift suggestion for what I'll puke up. Warm up your credit cards!

Crazy Dicks

First, Dick Cheney says that if Kerry is elected, we'll be attacked again. Now, Dick Armitage, Deputy Secretary of State, makes this ridiculous statement:

Armitage said, in part, that officials expected "that the violence will increase, both to try to have an effect on our elections in early November, as well as to try to thwart the ability to have elections in Iraq in January."

After Armitage had apparently ended the news conference by saying, "Thank you very much," a reporter asked him to clarify his statement linking the violence in Iraq to the elections, according to the transcript.

"It's quite obvious that they would like to raise (the) costs to President Bush. I think this is their cynical effort to do that and to somehow influence our elections, and they will fail," Armitage said.

"They are trying to influence the election against President Bush," he added.

These people will say anything. I'm sure Iraqi insurgents would like to see a new US president, though Kerry hasn't demonstrated a sound exit strategy, either. Seriously, though, I don't think attacking your occupying force has much, if anything, to do with their upcoming elections. It probably has more to do with, oh, the fact that they're an occupying force.

What is truly occurring in Iraq -- that we've destabilized the nation so much that it's on the brink of civil war -- won't be a factor in the election. That Bush can say that everything's fine, that the Dicks can spew such outlandish bile, and that Bush can still be up in the polls (whether or not polls matter) just proves how little Iraq matters to Americans. The war is going just fine, we're such badasses, hooray for America.

The presidential debates can't come soon enough. We need them.

(Propz to Atrios.)

No Exit

When the final bell rings on November 2, and the electorate hurls itself off the metaphorical bell tower (like Kim Novak in Vertigo), which backwater gaggle of "swing voters" will be responsible for tipping the balance? The San Francisco butt-pussy lobby (something borrowed, something blue)? Catholic broads? Brain-damaged Gook killers from the days of yore? Maybe. But the "Real Deal" is that it "Won't Fucking Matter". Now, this is the most unlikely of places to read the truth…but here it is: there is no exit strategy in Iraq because there is no exit. We ain't leaving. Ever. No matter who wins the election, we're in Iraq to stay. You see folks (bangs on table), the mighty USA is the only dog with enough muscle to stay in this fight – and the world we now live in requires that we dig in deep in the most jihad-happy, economically retarded, burkha-wearing, bedeviled region on earth. This isn't about WMD or Al Qaeda or preemption anymore; it's about killing sicko terrorists and power-hungry, hegemonic pricks…thereby saving the third world from itself - and saving ourselves in the process. It's about the forced gentrification of the Middle East. Say what you will about George W., the course he set us on is irreversible. If you're thinking otherwise, you're only fooling yourself. Yes, Dubya should still be thrown out of the White House by his fleshy, chimp-like ears…but even that won't stop us.

Johnny Ramone 1948–2004

Only Tommy's left. Moment of silence for Johnny Ramone.
























UPDATE:I had the birth year wrong. And there's a great write-up at Pitchfork.

The Politics of Science

Both legitimate candidates answer questions about science. Knowing that the Democrats have staked their platform on stem-cell research (not, like, oh, I don't know, jobs or something), I expected an interesting read. Other than being in an annoying, barely legible Flash interface, it is an interesting read to see the differences, even if they appear subtle in this interview. (Bush wants to research and deploy missile defense; Kerry wants to research missile defense and only deploy it if it works and it's needed. See how different they are!)

If I trust anyone, though, it's good scientists, serious science-loving scientists who wish to learn more about our world and improve it, like proving that beer is good for you. So before you read the candidates' responses to questions about mad cow disease, stem cell research, and fusion power, remember: scientists don't support Bush. Scientists support Kerry. That should color your perception of these statements plenty.

8-Bit is Enough!

The creator of the Synthcart has his own band: Tree Wave. And for a band whose only instruments are an Atari 2600, a Commodore 64, a Compaq 286, and -- get this -- an Epson dot matrix printer, this is some pretty sophisticated music. Check out these MP3s: May Banners and Sleep.

Smooth Sailing On A Sea Of Shit

As important as defeating George W. Bush in November is, it is growing evermore apparent that the problems facing the world are way shittier than we could ever imagine. The ceaseless cacophony of Op-Ed pieces, talk radio, bestsellers and congressional investigations is only capable of smearing the shit haphazardly over our collective consciousness – nothing more. The mountain of shit that is Iraq is growing larger and more stinky. Like Vietnam, it will be just as shitty after we're gone as it was before we arrived. Sure, Bush got us into this situation because he's a dipshit – but I'm sure we'd have turned everything into shit even if he weren't around. It's not that we're a shitty country, but rather that the world is a shitty place…full of shitheads. On the upside, there's rarely been a better excuse for going out with your friends and getting completely shitfaced.

Because I'm going to puke on my birthday no matter what.

My 30th birthday is coming up. Here's an idea for those of you scrambling for a gift: weightlessness.

Bush Pledges Allegience to his Stomach

DJ put it this way: "How did you remember 911?  The President did it with a jalapeno chili dog with extra onions, it would seem."

Have some more funny captions? Leave them in the comments.

Teach Me About Bush

What is George W. Bush's long-term strategic plan to end transnational terrorism? If you know, please e-mail me…because I'd like to know too. Seriously. I understand that an entirely defensive posture isn't good enough, but I’m not convinced that simply going after the "bad guys" (via preemption or otherwise) is enough either. In fact, my support for a new foreign policy team is based entirely on this premise. Since transnational terrorism is, in a sense, feedback from the most distressed and disconnected regions on earth, it is incumbent upon on all functional nation-states to participate in the application of a strong and coherent long-term policy geared toward connecting those regions to the rest of the world. In this sense, it's not the "preemption" part of Bush's approach that's the most troublesome – it's the "go-it-alone" part. Unless the goal is to just "get the bad guys"; in which case the policy itself is the most troublesome part. Also, since the defeat of terrorism is a long-term priority, it makes sense to me to adopt a political strategy that can be championed by a series of Administrations (Democrat & Republican alike); what is on the table now doesn't meet that standard. But I'm just making stuff up, because I honestly have no idea what Bush's long-term strategy is.

Ernie Ball 1930–2004

I've always played on D'Addario's, but nevertheless, a moment of silence for Ernie Ball.

Kerning Controversy

No political controversy has ever wrangled my interests in politics, graphic design, and trivial minutiae as the CBS Bush memo controversy. Never before has political furor been caused by kerning and baseline shifting.

Before you let the neocons and wingnuts and [insert derogatory right-wing term here] get to you (like Howard Kurtz, who contributed to the article linked above), you should know that there's good evidence that the documents are indeed legitimate. You see, kids, back in the days before computers and Microsoft Word, there was a machine called a "typewriter." And many of these typewriters were very advanced, like the IBM Model D. It could do kerning and the little superscript "th"s and everything. And it even had a Times New Roman font!

George Bush disobeyed a direct order. And as far as I can tell, there's no statute of limitations on going AWOL. The administration hasn't said the memos are fake -- they're letting everyone else do it.

I'm inclined to believe the memos are all too real, but I'm part of the liberal media. However, if they are fake, it doesn't discredit any of the real memos out there that still damn the President.

UPDATE: Holy shit! The Constitution's a fake! (Via Fark)

UPDATE: Kelly makes a good point in the comments. And because I have said before that we need to win by telling the truth and not lying, we should know the truth about the memos. After all, the evidence that they are fake can be compelling. I may have let my desire for the memos to be real get the best of me. CBS should be more forthright about the legitimacy of the memos. (I can't believe Bob Novak said CBS should reveal its source.) However, I hate showing weakness to it. To a Republican, my saying "let's get to the bottom of this" is proof that I doubt their authenticity. God, I'm so conflicted. Go read this Pandagon post.

Who knew Alan Keyes was Dutch?

On page 11 of this week's Chicago Reader in an article contrasting a "Republican anti-Convention" and an Alan Keyes rally, Sandy Rios said this to Keyes supporters (dig my boldfacing):

Homosexuality is being mainstreamed in public schools. If Barack Obama has his way, any objection to this lifestyle will be silenced. You have a choice in this election: a complete moral free fall under Barack Obama or at least a finger in the dike of decadence with Alan Keyes.

Jesus is soft on crime.

As I've told my Dad and my stepdad (to, ah-em, notable reactions), Jesus was a Democrat.

Kerry's Globalism Guru?

It's just a guess, but I think that Thomas P.M. Barnett is being tapped by the Kerry campaign – possibly for his counsel and wisdom, but maybe for something even more substantial. His recent performance on C-SPAN (of all places) helped put his book, "The Pentagon's New Map" on the bestseller list, even though it was published in April. Now, it would appear (if his weblog is any indicator) that the reach of his ideas may extend even further:

…[went] to suitably non-descript location in Northern Virginia to spend an afternoon discussing the possibility that PNM [The Pentagon's New Map: War and Peace in the Twenty-First Century] is the real deal (the grand strategy that prevails) with someone who might act on it in a big way in coming months and years as the national security establishment revamps itself in light of the 9/11 intelligence failures. It’s a quiet conversation that strains my brain cells to the limit. This guy is a serious thinker with serious problems requiring serious solutions. Am I interested in helping? There are some offers you cannot refuse on a day when the U.S. announces the 1000th casualty in Iraq.

Time to head back to the bookshop – I expect it will be well worth the effort. Listening to his presentation on C-SPAN was the most heartening experience I've had in months. At least there's someone out there who can at least appear to understand the complexity and emerging character of the United States' military presence in the world. If only our politicians could be so articulate. But if you're following a campaign, any campaign, you're not likely to get better than this:

“I believe it’s important to get out and ask for the vote. I believe it’s important to travel this great state and the country, talkin’ about where I intend to lead the country.” [Bush] made this sound like an original idea, and perhaps a controversial one, and the way he repeated the words “I believe” carried an air of defiant conviction: I’m not here offering myself to you because that’s how it’s done in a democracy but because that’s just how I am, and I don’t give a damn who says different.

He wore no tie, and his sleeves were rolled up, and the simplicity of the proposition, the easy conversational forthrightness, seemed so natural, so obvious and reassuring, that it was easy to forget, as he wound on through his stump speech, that he had promised to lay out a plan for the future. He offered no such plan, or even any new initiatives. He just declared the past four years a success, and said that more and better was to come.

Ah well. Perhaps when America is gone, there will be evidence of the crime that finished her off.

Puppy Serves Honorably in War on Terror

As Florida prepares to get sheared in half by yet another hurricane, a tinier hint of the coming apocalypse quietly made the Pensacola news:

A man who told deputies he was trying to shoot his seven puppies was wounded when one of the animals caused his gun to discharge, the Escambia County Sheriff's Office reported Wednesday.

Bush is ahead in the polls. Iraq is rapidly spiraling into civil war. Jakarta has exploded. And the puppies of Northwestern Florida, without anyone to defend them, are forced to take matters into their own paws. The Rapture has already occurred; nobody was worthy of the Lord's mercy.

Reader E-mail!

Hey Arlo,

 I appreciate the mention on your blog.

Punk.

I blame my poor showing on the Japanese judges and the those Halo ringers who don't even count as boys but still managed to fuck the almighty Sinitski.  I don't even know where they came from.  They just appeared, screamed obscenities at each other across the apartment, and slaughtered us all.  So much for the Halo ego.  Now write something nice about me on your blog.

Milroy

Colin has a hot wife. There. I said something nice.

What Would MLK Do?

Now, we've got to get this thing right. What is needed is a realization that power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic. Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice, and justice at its best is power correcting everything that stands against love.

- Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., August 16, 1967.

[Gracias muchacho. But what about sleep without love?]

In Defense of Cheney

By now, Dick's statement yesterday is old news:

It's absolutely essential that eight weeks from today, on Nov. 2, we make the right choice, because if we make the wrong choice then the danger is that we'll get hit again and we'll be hit in a way that will be devastating from the standpoint of the United States.

Yes, Cheney said vote for us or there will be another terrorist attack.

In Cheney's defense, however, he may have been talking about Jackson Kirk Grimes. Uh, or Nader. Yeah, he was talking about Nader.

Al Qaeda = Iraq = Islam = Beslan

Russians, raw from being screwed by terrorists, are beginning to focus their rage against their own government; when this happens, things generally don't work out so well. Nevertheless, when a government fails to perform its most important function (i.e. to protect the long-term stability of its society), it deserves to be savaged. And yet, the blossoming use of terrorist tactics throughout the world is increasingly complicated by the proliferation of groups which are radicalized, religious and – from their own vantage point - oppressed. It's a good thing that we Americans have David Brooks to help put terrorism in the proper perspective:

Dissertations will be written about the euphemisms the media used to describe these murderers. They were called "separatists" and "hostage-takers." Three years after Sept. 11, many are still apparently unable to talk about this evil. They still try to rationalize terror. What drives the terrorists to do this? What are they trying to achieve?

They're still victims of the delusion that Paul Berman diagnosed after Sept. 11: "It was the belief that, in the modern world, even the enemies of reason cannot be the enemies of reason. Even the unreasonable must be, in some fashion, reasonable."

Brilliant. Not only can we avoid a tiresome analysis of the history of violence and abuse in Chechnya, but we're actually delusional if we do it. When Bush looked "into Putin's soul", he could be forgiven for being charmed and impressed – the two are looking more and more to be cut from the same cloth. The Beslan massacre wasn't a product or indicator of disastrous military adventures and tyrannical politics. Nope. It was the harbinger of "total and full-scale war". The real enemy isn't in Chechnya or the Keystone Cop military or Russian civilian leadership, it's Al Qaeda and the sinister machinations of ghostly "cells"; the generalized, polyglot assemblage of "people who love death". The more disconnected from reality people get, the harder reality will spank 'em when it finally catches up, and ol' "Pootie" has got some hard truths to face up to:

In the long run, the question of Russia simply withdrawing from Chechnya might come up, but it is too early for that and that would be the hardest thing for Putin to do since his own reputation would be at stake.

FYI Arlo: I've been away from a computer for the last week while rehearsing a Chekhov play. Pretending to be Russian can be fun; being Russian can be grueling.

Has anyone seen Kelly?

He hasn't posted anything in over a week.

Out Rove-ing Rove

The other day, I said Kerry better get off of his ass if he's going to beat Bush, especially after Bush's full-of-shit but highly successful speech at the RNC. Here's what Kerry needs to do.

"Killing Spree!"

I won the loser's bracket at my buddy DJ's Halo tournament by one kill. That's right; of the four knocked out of the first elimnation round, I'm the biggest loser. I'm an even bigger loser than Colin, which, when said out loud, is embarrassing. But it was also the first time I won a kill-anything-that-moves game, which I can add to the one time I won King of the Hill. Thanks to DJ for a swell evening on Sunday.

There, Eric. I blogged it.

What's this green thing?

I'm still working on the new design of LIKE YOU REALLY CARE. But I really wanted to get the comments feature implemented, so I just used one of Blogger's stock templates. It's pretty, but it's not us. New design soon, I promise.

Kos brings together some criticisms of Bush's speech. As does Gadflyer.

I watched that speech last night, and I'll tell you what I thought, something different than what most lefty bloggers are saying: unless Kerry makes some changes in his campaign, Bush is going to win. It was the most eloquent (by Bush standards) that he's been. He made grand promises, even stealing one from John Edwards to allow people to buy into the government's health care plan. He made you believe that if you didn't support your war president, you're un-American.

Kerry's response last night (I'm looking for a transcript) was angry and aloof, which was the wrong tactic. Bush took some jabs at Kerry last night, but on the most part spoke as if he were taking the high road, having let all the speeches before his do the dirty work of skewering Kerry. Kerry needs to take the high road, too, because if he's on the defensive, he looks weak. Attack the Swift Boat Veterans for Big-Fat Lies all you want, but release your hounds to attack Bush.

The campaign is starting to sound like bickering nine-year-olds fighting over a toy, and that is not going to bring out the vote. Kerry needs to talk about the incontrovertible facts, and talk about them constantly. Bush does not deserve to win, and he can't run his campaign on his domestic record. That's where Kerry is going to win.

I give up. I'm supporting the Personal Choice Party. Vice President Marilyn Chambers!

Last night, I felt a great disturbance in the force, as if millions of Americans were screaming in pain. It must have been evil son-of-a-bitch Zell Miller. (Via Atrios.)

It's easy enough to despise most Republicans without having to make stuff up. In this Daily Kos post, Kos (which rhymes with "Rose," thank you very much Kelly) criticizes The Governator for lying. Schwarzenegger says this:

The presidential campaign was in full swing. I remember watching the Nixon-Humphrey presidential race on TV. A friend of mine who spoke German and English translated for me. I heard Humphrey saying things that sounded like socialism, which I had just left.

But then I heard Nixon speak. Then I heard Nixon speak. He was talking about free enterprise, getting the government off your back, lowering the taxes and strengthening the military.

Kos responds:

The facts? There was no presidential debate in that election. Nixon never debated Humphrey.

But it sure is a touching story, regardless of its truth.

When did Schwarzenegger say "debate"? He didn't. We can't do this shit when we're criticizing our leaders. We can't put words in their mouths. They do it to us all the time, and we can't sink to their level. Truth, one way or another, will always prevail.

You want to criticize Schwarzenegger's speech? Criticize this:

There is another way you can tell you're a Republican. You have faith in free enterprise, faith in the resourcefulness of the American people, and faith in the U.S. economy. To those critics who are so pessimistic about our economy, I say: "Don't be economic girlie men!"

I believe in free enterprise. I believe in the resourcefulness of the American people. Hell, I believe the U.S. economy can rebound. But if your job went to Mexico or India, or your pay has been cut, or if you can't afford health care -- I guess you're a girlie man.