Thanksgiving flaunts capitalist excess. It marks the conquering of America's native inhabitants by imperialists and/or religious zealots. It's one more excuse to praise God for giving us a day off from work. It's inherently evil. Here's a thought -- if those who wish to blight their enemies with smallpox are terrorists, then were the settlers of the so-called New World terrorists for giving the Native Americans smallpox-infected blankets?

But I sure do love turkey, and I'm going to attempt to bake a sweet potato pie from scratch. I'm such a Libra.

I planned to go into my whole Thankgiving rant more, but interesting news showed up on the MSNBC Breaking News e-mail: "President Bush picks former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger to lead new investigation into Sept. 11 attacks." FOR FUCK'S SAKE! First King George brings Powell, Cheney, and Rumsfeld back into the fold. Then John Poindexter is working for the Pentagon again. Now Kissinger? Are the Communists going to reassemble the Soviet Union?

According to the MSNBC article:

...Bush did not set as a primary goal for the commission to uncover mistakes or lapses of the government that could have prevented the Sept. 11 attacks. Instead, he said it should try to help the administration learn the tactics and motives of the enemy.
“This commission will help me and future presidents to understand ... the nature of the threats we face,” he said.

But look at bottom of that MSNBC article and read about all of the lapses in intelligence that lead up to Sept. 11. The CIA and FBI were still so entrenched in Cold War tactics that they ignored everything. When the new guard usurped power in 2000, they obviously ignored the warnings of the Clinton administration (don't forget -- they bombed Afghanistan first). One must wonder why. Perhaps it was just arrogance, as in screw you, Bill, we're back in charge, so go get a blowjob somewhere else.

However, as the conspiracy theorists will tell you, the Afghani pipeline talks weren't going smoothly, so the Bush regime let September 11th happen. I don't believe that Bush is that stupid, but it is an interesting coincidence. Now that Karzai is in power, that pipeline will soon have a ribbon cutting.

Sorry for the gloom. Tomorrow, I'll post what I'm thankful for. After all, the whole world isn't evil.

Arlo tired and broke. Neglecting blog.

Hi-Volt presented Pilot Season, and I'm quite proud of my statistical analysis of the voting.

Jenmod (that's her handle), one of my favorite coworkers in my 15-year history of having coworkers, comes to my cube after overhearing a conversation about Thanksgiving dinner. So I ask, "What are you having for thanksgiving dinner?" She responded, "Ramen noodles with a tangy nutmeg sauce. And for desert, crackers and a pumpkin Fruit Roll-up." I'm still giggling.

Tune in tomorrow for a rant about why Thanksgiving is a holiday more evil than Halloween.

Like most people who haven't been completely deluded by King George II, I have my doubts about Iraq's connections with Al Qaeda. Saddam isn't trying into religious jihad; his motivations seem to be far more secular. After all, jihadists are willing to live in caves. Saddam lives in bunkers, which are just like caves, only lavish and full of harem girls.

However, this recent MSNBC article discusses the possible financial link between Saudi Arabia and the 9/11 hijackers. I have no idea if Saudi Arabia is financing terrorism abroad, but I'd believe that allegation before I'd believe the Iraqi version. It's no lie that we want control of middle east oil, and Saudi Arabia has most of it. After the Saudi Arabian government donated clean-up money to New York City, they released a statement claiming that the US is just as responsible for the attacks due to our reprehensible foreign policy (I'm having trouble finding an article, but it happened -- Guiliani returned the money). It's common knowledge that the majority of the hijackers were Saudi Arabian.

One of two things will happen: (1) Saudi Arabia will support a war on Iraq in exchange for not having the bejeezus bombed out of them by the U.S., or (2) this marks the beginning of a World War. I have my money on the first one.

New additions to "BORED?":

eDay: Actual auctions on eBay of completely ridiculous, often frightening, items.

The Misanthropic Bitch: Nothing is sacred. Or spared from MB's boiling-over bile. This entry is one of her best.

MacOS Rumors: I don't even own a Mac. But I want one. BAD. Since Apple is so super-secret about new products, I enjoy reading all of the speculation and rumors about what Steve Jobs might be up to. This site is one of my faves, but there are plenty of others.

Web sites like SomeoneLikesYou.com are wrong. In their privacy policy, you will find the following language:

Importantly, although SomeoneLikesYou collects and retains the information provided by the user about those people on theuser's secret list, we do not sell or market the email addresses, or any other personally identifiable information, of any unregistered user to any other third party.

We may sell or rent the email addresses of registered users only.

Of course, the only way to know who has the crush on you is to register and give them a list of e-mail addresses. Then those people have to register and so on and so on. Then SomeoneLikesYou.com turns around and sells your information.

Look at it this way: just because SomeoneLikesYou.com won't sell "personally identifiable information," there is no language in their Privacy Policy that states "We won't honor requests for all of the e-mail addresses we have for men between the ages of 18 and 24 who play video games and enjoy walks in the park." Even if you opt-out of receiving their messages, they still own your information and can still sell it.

And to the person who added my e-mail address to SomeoneLikesYou.com: I'm sorry you don't feel confident enough to just come talk to me. Hiding behind pyramid-scheme marketing ploys is not going to win you many dates, especially not with me.

Also, you probably know that I have a girlfriend. We have our difficulties like any long-term relationship, but I love her dearly. Perhaps that's why you are hiding. I would suggest that you come talk to me and tell me of this crush you have. Get it out in the open so you can deal with it instead of harboring it, letting it eat you up inside until you sit at home, humping a pillow and eating frozen pizza in front of the television, all the time crying and pining away for my hot body. The lust will consume you until it affects your job and you get fired from your job and you can no longer afford to buy frozen pizza, pay your cable bill, or wash your pillowcases. The only thing that fills the void left by your unfathomable saddness is smack, and soon you are robbing liquor stores to feed your addiction. You get evicted from your home and are forced to walk down North Avenue and earn your drug money in the cabs of so many 18-wheelers. And then you'll contract an STD and then you'll die.

Neither of us want you to throw your life away. So just tell me flat out that you have the hots for me. I'm flattered, and though I cannot return your love, I can care about you enough to not let you turn into a heroin-addicted whore.

An oil tanker breaks in half. The UN has unfettered access to Iraq. The FBI has unfettered access to American citizens. James Coburn is dead.

But what's the big news today? Rich people can finally zip around town and look stupid while doing it. Thank GOD, Mr. Kamen. We simply couldn't wait another minute, but it's finally available for purchase: The Segway.

The Segway is a pretty amazing feat of engineering. Nothing rubs against anything in the motor, so there's no need for oil. It gets an amazing amount of power out of a very small package. And the whole gyroscope thing is pretty neat. The conjecture is that Segway has more to do with introducing the technologies involved than it is actually selling a viable vehicle.

Unfortunately, all of this incredible technology was introduced as a dumb looking scooter. Hopefully this thing will not go the way of the NeXT (which was an amazing, albeit overpriced computer) but will instead simply be like TiVo -- no one gets it at first, but eventually the technology evolves into something people understand.

I think a larger version of the Segway motor could end up in efficient, emissions-free electric cars, our president's worst nightmare.

Oh, by the way, I love it that Iraq is cooperating completely now. Sorry, King George. If you want more oil, you'll just have to drill Alaska.

"There are a whole slew of charges for local taxes, national taxes and gross-receipt taxes. On the one hand, that breakdown of taxes gives consumers more information about what the government assessments are costing a business... [But] why should certain taxes be separated and not considered a basic cost of business? And these same companies don't break down how much it's costing to fund a chief executive's compensation package, or how much they are paying for political lobbying. Companies are selectively picking what items to segment."

In other news: because I'm so freaking pretentious, and because I know so many people read my 'blog, I spent the whopping $20 for likeyoureallycare.com. Unfortunately you have to put up with Register.com's banner down there at the bottom, but it's a lot easier to remember than www.defianttheatre.org/company/guthrie, that's for freaking sure.

"Every purchase you make with a credit card, every magazine subscription you buy and medical prescription you fill, every Web site you visit and e-mail you send or receive, every academic grade you receive, every bank deposit you make, every trip you book and every event you attend, all these transactions and communications will go into what the Defense Department describes as 'a virtual, centralized grand database.'"

And guess who want's this? John Poindexter, Mr. Iran-Contra himself.

Why does no one seem to care?

We all knew that the passage of the Homeland Security bill was going to be a whole heap of trouble, but dig this:

In one last-minute addition, Representative Dick Armey, Republican of Texas, inserted a provision that was apparently intended to protect Eli Lilly, the pharmaceutical giant, from lawsuits over thimerosal, a mercury-based vaccine preservative that some parents contend has caused autism in their children.

In the name of defense for our great land, let let big pharmaceutical companies make our children sick. Rep. Dick Armey -- living up to his name.

Even Carmen Electra's mug shot looks good. Yasmine Bleeth's, on the other hand -- nightmare-inducing.

My love of vintage computing led me to this article: "When is computer art art?" Creative Computing asked this question in January of 1983. Some of what it says is quite endearing, like this statement:

Color video pallets are the next thing we are going to see marching into our living rooms or capturing our hand-held calculators and other chip-emblazoned gadgets.

Interestingly, though, much of this 20-year-old article has stood the test of time. We've now reached a point in technology when any kid with a pirated copy of Photoshop thinks he or she is a graphic designer. I, for one, think this is great. I'm all for free expression.

When you make that committment to being a graphic artist, however, it's time to stop thinking about the graphic part and start focusing on the artist part. Though written in the early 80s, no words could be truer:

I am making a plea for anyone truly interested in turning computer graphics into a more serious art form, to study art history and theory, to go back to the simpler art forms and learn what makes them artistic.

This statement alone confirms why I'm in school, why I approach the work I do differently than I used to, and why I take it personally when the professional and proper way of approching commercial art gets undermined by a client's hubris. I'm not better than you, I just know something you don't, and I want to share it. I don't think that's wrong.

Thus, I'm proud to present my new logo.

This weekend found me in two places in which I have never been. Both of these revelations were a huge surprise to those whom I have told.

The first place was in a limo. I gotta say that I was impressed. It was gaudy, with lots of tacky lights, cocktail glasses, and televisions. One problem was that the temperature controls in the limo were all sorts of screwed up. We had to open the windows so we didn't sweat, which spoiled the illusion that, as far as pedestrians or other drivers knew, we were actually Oprah.

Secondly, I went to a gentleman's club. Due to the strict laws governing such establishments in Chicago (you can't even drink at some), the atmosphere was more subdued than I had expected. Thankfully so, because I found the experience completely repugnant and offensive.

I'm a political liberal, so granted, the truly most offensive thing at the club was the $6 price tag for a Miller Lite. Other than that...

Nothing about my time spent in the club was arousing or even empowering. Call me crazy, but I consider women human beings, not objects. Even in an environment that is intrisically theatrical where the goal is to put on masks and play very expensive power games, I found it difficult to let go of what I consider to be right. If the moral delimma that I faced Saturday night was due to deeply ingrained psychological imprinting, so be it -- I can't think of a good reason to let go of those particular reflexes.

What I enjoyed watching was the pole dancers. Not because of their big fake boobs, their artificiality exacerbated by the liquid latex covering the nipples making them all look like a Marilyn Manson album cover. I was impressed by the pole dancers' dexterity, their ability to grab hold of that pole with heavy latex boots and spin at a few dozen RPMs. Perhaps the implants help raise the center of gravity, making spinning a more efficient process.

When my bachelor party comes up, I'm not sure what will happen. I guess the gentleman's club idea is not for me. And I don't particularly like to gamble. And I don't like to get too drunk. Maybe we'll just sit around and watch cartoons.

By the way, there's one other lesson to be learned from everything I wrote below -- when you get offended by something, take a deep breath and sleep on it first. And don't drink so much coffee.

I have to revisit my October 3 statement about commercial art versus fine art. I'm pissed off, and I need to approach my anger constructively, even philosophically, so that I don't take it out viscerally or throw a diva fit.

A fine artist comments on society. A song, a painting, a play -- all are reactions to the environment in which the artist resides. A work of fine art is a work of great art when it challenges the listener's/viewer's/observer's view of their environment. Fine art asks questions. And great fine art doesn't answer them.

A commercial artist comments on a product. A jingle, a poster, a television ad -- these also comment on society, but these questions it asks of society are answered by the particular advertised product. Commercial art doesn't just ask questions but answers them. Sometimes the questions are dubious to ask ("Do you need penis enlarging pills?"), but it wouldn't be commercial art if the question wasn't answered ("Of course you need them, pencil dick!").

This is good and all when you're talking about products. A Coca-Cola ad, for example -- Thirsty? Drink a Coke! But what happens when commercial art is used to promote fine art? How do you promote more questions? I suspect that it depends on how good the art and the artist is.

Great art is easy to promote because all you have to do is present the questions. A great example is the Museum of Contemporary Art here in Chicago. Their advertising campaigns are some of the best, mostly because they have great artists. When they did a Chuck Close exhibit, they simply put a painting on the ad with a ruler next to it. In the ad, you are seeing the painting small, but you have no idea what it's truly like until you see it 10 feet tall like you are supposed to. The fine artist asks, what is it like to experience portraits at this enormous scale? The commercial artist simply presented the question, "What is this painting like 10 feet tall?" And the answer is, "Come to the MCA to find out."

The question of why should a patron attend this show is easily answered -- because you don't know the answer to the fine artist's question, and you have to attend to get it.

Ah, how ideal.

Problem is, most fine art is not great art. It's usually mediocre art. Not-so-fine artists want to answer every single question and never leave the listener/audience/viewer wanting more. Browbeating. Insulting. Bad.

The commercial artist still has to approach the project in the same way -- what questions can I pose that can only be answered by attending the show? But that leaves unanswered questions, and a less-than-fine artists can't handle that.

When less-than-fine artists meddle in the affairs of the commercial artist trying to attract audience to a piece, a less-than-commercial piece is created. All of the questions are answered. The conflict is already resolved. So there's no reason to buy a ticket. Furthermore, if there are no unanswered questions in a show's advertising, then there are probably no unanswered questions in the show.

Great art can easily be promoted greatly. Mediocre art is usually promoted with mediocrity.

Mediocre art can be promoted greatly, though, which is why promoting all art should be done as if the piece is the greatest ever. I.e., keep the fine artist out of it. Of course, the commercial artist should understand the fine artist's questions (even if they are all answered). But make it very clear: a patron doesn't belong to the fine artist until said patron purchases a ticket. Until then, that patron belongs to the commercial artist, who should present the fine artist's questions in a compelling, unanswered way.

I'm not saying fine artists should stay out the development of advertising completely. But they'd better have a very good reason for why the advertising doesn't adequately represent the piece. It isn't about the fonts or the colors or the amount of blood on the poster. It's about the feeling one gets from the poster and the legibility. EMPHASIS ON THE LEGIBILITY. And if the advertising doesn't evoke the right feeling or it's illegible, then you have a legitimate gripe. Otherwise, stay out of it.

Let me put it another way. It's like an addage that a very talented dramaturg once passed on to me: playwrights should always cut their favorite line because it's the one that doesn't fit. To all you fine artists out there (and sometimes, I try to be one), if you're treating the poster like your "favorite line," then cut it. And let other people handle it. You have more important things to worry about.

If I'm talking about you, I hope you think about what I've written here instead of throwing a diva fit. As you can see, I didn't. I threw a pretention fit, which is much healthier for all of us.

The closest I'm going to get to diva, however, is this: If you want to let me share my developing craft as a commercial artist, then I'm happy to volunteer. But if you just want me to perform the task of putting your idea on paper, then you'll have to pay me. Look at me grow up.

First, the good news:

As an Illinoisan, I'm thrilled that the Land of Lincoln will be in the hands of Democrats for the first time since 1977. Though Rod Blagojevich (as CNN Headline News called him last night, "Bloy-vich") is a part of that Chicago machine and isn't the best choice for any office other than a Chicago office, he also has a Democratically controlled state house and state senate. At least under his tenure, we'll likely see the repeal of the death penalty, the passage of human rights legislation, the O'Hare expansion, and funding for small business.

But it's not Rod that I'm most excited about. It's the election of Lisa Madigan, Illinois' first female Attorney General. It's only her second run for an office. She's only 36. And she's a hotty, but that's beside the point. Lisa Madigan is exactly the type of person we should elect if we want change. She's young but she knows the ropes. She's a hard worker with good ideas. She believes in people. And though she may not entirely know what being Attorney General means having only practiced law for four years, she doesn't stop until she gets a job done right. Oh, and she's a hotty.

Illinois is due for some huge change, and perhaps it is finally on its way. Hopefully, they'll play their cards right. They have a huge deficit to deal with, a lot of social programs to implement, and they have to do it without raising income taxes. It's possible, and I hope they can pull it off.

Okay, it was sexist of me to refer to Lisa Madigan's looks when assessing her place in elected office. So to be fair, Rod Blagojevich has really bad hair. Really bad.

Now the bad news:

The pundits on TV keep talking about how Dubya won last night. And he did. Not since 1902 has a first term president gained congressional seats for his party in a midterm election and gained unilateral control of the government.

I prefer to look at it this way: Tom Daschle lost the election. The Democrats kissed Dubya's ass, scared that they would lose elections. When are politicians going to learn that to win elections, they have to be seen as different than the other candidate? Democrats could have played the corporate responsibility card. They didn't because they would have lost funding. They could have played the Iraq card. They didn't because they were too timid and even voted for it against their better wishes. Dubya didn't just paint the Democrats into a corner -- the Democrats' complacency led them to the corner, and they watched as Dubya painted it.

With only one Democratic Senator left who voted against the war in Iraq (my Senator, Dick Durbin, God bless him), we're going to war, no doubt about it. We bombed in Yemen -- where are we going to bomb next?

Not to mention that conservatives on the Supreme Court will feel safer about stepping down. In fact, the judicial system will entirely be padded with fascists.

Furthermore, the corrupt CEOs, including the one that is currently Vice President, are going to get free rides.

When the majority of voters rank Homeland Security third as the issue most important to them and the economy first and still elect Republicans, what does that say? Honestly, I don't know. I hope I figure it out.

So are we fucked?

The Republicans may control the Senate, but they don't have enough of a majority to break a filibuster. The Democrats can still block plenty of bills from passing.

The other glimmer of hope is actually something that Tom Daschle said. Now that the Republicans control all three branches of government, they have no excuse if things get worse. To an average citizen who pays just enough attention to the government to complain about it, a filibuster is not important. It's the faces they see on TV. And if all Joe Schmo sees is Republicans in office and we're at war with the rest of the world while no one has a job and our leader puts himself and his personal gain above the interests of his citizens, things may change.

But that's assuming Joe Schmo actually leaves his Lay-Z-Boy to vote. So unless something extraordinary happens, yes, we're fucked. God have mercy on us all.

As a tangent, I watched election returns last night for six-and-a-half hours straight, so I heard a lot of press secretaries and campaign managers talk to junior reporters. As far as I can tell, "outside-the-box" is hanging on for dear life, but the catchphrase for this decade is...(drum roll)...

"CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTIC"

If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say "cautiously optimistic" last night, I could take all of you who read my blog out for a good meal. And by "all of you who read my blog," I, of course, mean me.

A perfect example of why the Libertarians and anyone else who thinks privatization is the answer are insane.

So much for thinking at Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly isn't a pussy. She approved the Microsoft settlement. As one lawyer put it, "The judge's opinion said, basically, 'You robbed a bank, you can keep the money, you can do it again, but don't use exactly the same method'." Hopefully the EU won't see it the same way, and perhaps some of the class action suits will give them a kick in the nuts. But considering their stock rose nearly 40 points in one day after the ruling, Microsoft can continue to wield their monopoly and release shoddy software for a long time.

God bless Telecommando for this:

I Pledge Allegiance
To the Flag
That Appears on my Desktop Startup Screen.
And to the Monopoly
For Which it Stands;
One Operating System
Over All,
Inescapable,
With Freedom and Privacy for none.

Someone please give my girlfriend a job so I can buy a Mac. Thank you.

I hope you all voted today. Even if you voted Republican or Libertarian, I'm at least glad you voted.

Any of you here in Chicago that haven't voted yet, be sure to watch the video tape loop explaining how to vote and use the ballot counter. Swear to God, this is a verbatim quote: "We don't want no 'chads' hanging around our city." And I don't want no tax money going toward bad grammar.

According to a blurb on page 14 of the November 11 issue of Business Week, the crackdown on smoking in America is exacerbating obesity. "Each 10% increase in the inflation-adjusted price of cigarettes," the article states, "produces a 2% increase in the number of obese people."

How ironic. Obesity causes more chronic health problems than smoking ever has. Furthermore, unlike smoking, obesity does not make you look cool.

So remember: when someone bitches about your smoking, tell 'em what Bill Hicks always said: "Non-smokers die every day."

Yes, duct tape can do everything.

I regret to inform you that there will be no Sea Monkey Cam. It seems that they turn off the heat in our building on the weekends and it can get to below 50° in our office. It simply wasn't warm enough, and the Sea Monkeys either didn't hatch or they died. It's sad.

I'm taking the tank home and hope to grow them at home in a place where the cats can't get to them.

As for the webcam, I want to just turn it on myself so you can get a live shot of my ugly mug at will (9 to 5, of course), but I don't think that's going to happen seeing as how I don't know which port is open on our firewall at work. I'm also not on very good terms with IT since I got caught with one-too-many MP3s on my PC. Oh, and all the unlicensed software. I think they would scoff if I asked which port would let me FTP straight out.

All you have are my words. Good for you.