Hammerhead Shark Chokes On Chum

Ever wonder what happens when you take a Hammer to a Douchebag? Apparently, if the Douchebag is Tom DeLay and the Hammer is his own unparalleled legacy of corruption and malfeasance, the result is a spectacular splash of crocodile tears. Poor Mr. DeLay. Given his stringent and cocksure denials of any wrongdoing whatsoever, one must, perforce, ask oneself whereto fore came all this to pass? Let's do Tom a solid. Let's assume, for the sake of argument, that he's being square with us; an indictment isn't a conviction and the proof is still in the pudding. If DeLay is as pure as the driven snow, what sinister witchcraft is responsible for the manufacture (from absolute scratch) of a smear-machine so colossal? Which is more credulous: the possibility that (a) a single Texas politician is a stinky douchebag, or (b) millions of citizens of a modern democratic superpower are so befuddled and walleyed that they cannot distinguish fact from fiction? Sadly, both are distressing in their own way... and both have occurred repeatedly. However, while corrupt Texans are a mainstay of American life, large-scale swindles of the American populace are usually epoch-altering events (e.g. Vietraq, Dubya, Enron, Disco); they are also fairly characterized as being orchestrated by a cabal of Machiavellian villains within the corridors of power. For DeLay to be the lone victim of such a gargantuan effort does not merely strain the limits of credulity, it obliterates them. Which is why his interview with Brit "Butt-Face" Hume on Fox can only be viewed as farce. Watch the video. Brit, as he is known to do with such GOP reptiles, feverishly attempts to unveil what he hopes is a nugget of innocence beneath a mountain of guilt – to no avail. Meanwhile, El Douchebag, after whinging about his victimization, actually tries to spin his indictment as a positive development for his party.

Kyrie Eleison.

APOLOGY: The proof of the pudding is in the eating. The misuse of this cliché serves as proof that I am not to be taken seriously. I'm an intellectual minimus.