My Religious Zealotry is Better than Your Religious Zealotry
Meet Jack Van Impe:
Not only that, but [Pat] Robertson, you are pro-life, and yet you wanted the members of the Supreme Court to die last year, and now the president of Venezuela. We believe this book: Thou shalt not kill; Exodus 20, verse 13. And my Bible says that this is wrong, and I want to challenge you right now to change your ways. Because we as Christians do not need an Osami [sic] Bin Laden leading us.Thanks, Jack. I agree, and I, as someone who works pretty hard not to be a moron, appreciate this statement.
However...
Jack Van Impe believes that Revelation 17:10...
they are also seven kings, five of whom have fallen, one is, the other has not yet come, and when he comes he must remain only a little while....means the European Union will bring forth the Antichrist. (I guess the Antichrist won't be French.)
Jack Van Impe also believes that the Illuminati planned three world wars.
Can we please get an evangelist that's not a crackpot to condemn Robertson? As a colleague put it to me last week, you can be a Christian and not be an idiot.
4 Comments:
But conspiracy theory is so much FUN! Illuminati and all that...
Actually, Van Impe has it all wrong--it was FIVE world wars. and the Illuminati were acting under the instructions of the Nazi Deros from the Hollow Earth, who were acting under the instructions of the Greys, who were acting under the instructions of the Tobacco Demons, who where fulfilling the will of Azothoth, as interpreted by his messenger, Nyarlathotep.
Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go impregnate Shub Niguruth and pop the ghost of L. Ron Hubbard one in the teeth.
How is Shub? It's been ages since I tele-fragged her.
She just has the sweetest little tentacles...
Post a Comment
<< Home