Bullets Into Broadway
Harvey Fierstein Gets a Wife!
Glory in excelsis Deo! Some meat-starved, lamb-chopped killjoy at Whole Foods mistakenly threw someone else’s organic string cheese in with my groceries. As luck would have it, I discovered the (blessedly organic) cheese in the same bag as a highly poisonous bottle of petite sirah. Now said cheese is undergoing biomechanical conversion into an environmentally friendly organic turd. Glory in excelsis Deo!
Earlier today, while I was aimlessly kicking pebbles in the gutter, it occurred to me that the seventeenth century French deists like François-Marie Arouet and Jean-Baptiste Poquelin are largely to blame for everything being all screwed up in the world. When you hit something, you’d better hit it so hard that it stays down. Otherwise, it’ll dig you up after you’re dead and throw your corpse on a garbage heap. If the Deists weren’t such pansies, maybe Jesus’ Army wouldn’t have succeeded in its horrible march to ruin the New World. No? Well, those were my thoughts as I sulked into my murky apartment and read this
Rosie O’Donnell is heading to Broadway to star in Fiddler on the Roof, just a day after it was announced the show will close next January (06). O'Donnell will play Golde opposite actor Harvey Fierstein’s Teyve.
You could’ve knocked me over with a feather. (Review). To give you a little perspective, here’s how Rosie became a professional stage actress:
I walked onto the empty stage of a Broadway theatre, and […] called out to the producers in the darkness: "Hey listen, I can't really sing and dance - but I'll sell a lot of tickets!" Those producers […] recognized my particular talent... and got me my Equity Card.
Isn’t that cute!?
The point here, of course, is that historical precedent means nothing. Causation is a myth. Original intent is irrelevant. There are no godfathers of culture, no philosophical underpinnings to society. People are glabrous, fearful, confused monkeys (e.g. Tonya Harding (NSFW)).
Screw this. I’m going to finish my wine and go make some new friends.
3 Comments:
Tonya Harding has a fat pussy and gross tits. I say that because, while I would love to debate some of the claims made in this entry (I agree that only results ultimately matter, but many of those results have forged new, beautiful paths in our culture), right now, I can only think of Tonya Harding's fat pussy and gross tits. Thanks, Kelly. You make me feel dumb, not with your inarguably brilliant mind but by showing me images that make my brain focus on Tonya Harding's fat pussy and gross tits.
Kelly. It is very important that you go watch the Suicide Girls Trailer right now.
http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2677365?showw=no&refsite=6721&htv=12&htv=12
MMMM--sweet, sweet Suicide Girls. The only time I've ever wanted to be a 19th century Mormon was when I contemplated marrying all of the Suicide Girls. Then I came to my senses, and realized that I could just be some sort of tyrannical despot, and keep them in a harem or something.
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