Etiquette of Vice
So I was cruising through this article about tipping when I suffered an attack of the fantods. The article itself addresses (albeit breezily and without much resolution) the classic dilemmas surrounding the gifting of gratuities:
We all place a different value on the services we receive. Your definition of appropriate may be my definition of stinginess.
But the tipping controversy goes beyond that: It's also about appearance and ego, a litmus test for the kind of person we're perceived to be, and the kind of person we perceive others to be. We want to come across as fair though not excessive, prudent yet not cheap.
It's a balancing act that, while it might not always be conscious, shapes the way we dole out gratuities.
Fair enough. Like the author, I generally tip around 20% at restaurants. However, I rarely (if ever) tip for services which are priced solely at the discretion of the service provider. Usually this scheme works fine. The nice lady who cuts my hair charges $15 for a haircut and I pay her $15 – if she wants more, all she needs to do is raise her rate. (Admittedly, I will give a little more if the shampoo is unexpectedly affectionate). Now, I'm visiting a friend in Las Vegas next week and I can already sense the tension: what should I tip while I'm lurking among the strippers in the company of my buddy? I don’t want to undervalue the ladies or give offense to my companion, but at the same time the entire environment has been painstakingly crafted to bamboozle lonely dipwits like me into coughing up our dough. I've got no problem with the practice of sauntering up to a dance floor and slapping down a sawbuck, it's the greasy walk-through-the-club that the dancers do that creeps me out. It's demeaning to all involved that some stranger in a thong expects to be paid for hobbling over on stilettos and mumbling, "How you boys doin' tonight?" A lap-dance? I'll pay for it. A lusty bootie shake? Worth the money. But a lame intrusion into a conversation with my drinkin' buddy? Bite me.
Hence my problem. I just know that (a) my attitude ain't properly calibrated for such an adventure, (b) I can't rightly afford to adopted a proper one, and (c) the Siren Song of the Strip is too strong to resist.
ADDENDUM: A cautionary tale.
12 Comments:
When tipping strippers, just remember that those bills will continue to stay in general circulation. Some of us prefer legal tender that hasn't stewed in the pollution of some midnight chippie's poopie pants.
Anonymous--you are hereby christened Little Lord Dinkinfist, due to your excessive fastidiousness and air of disapproval. "...stewed in the pollution...", forsooth! Since I don't know your gender, I will not speculate on what sorts of issues a statement like that betrays.
To the subject at hand: my rule of thumb for strippers walking the tables is a buck a pass. Maybe a little more if they do something interesting with the twist from my martini. If I'm a regular, and I know the girl, still more, maybe up to five, depending on the dance. But my base is a buck, with modifiers for those "little extras".
Of course, lap dances, dry humps, what have you get what the traffic allows.
The table walk is a drag, but its a fact of life, most joints. I've always been partial to the places where one approaches the stage and deposits the money there--either in the thong or on the floor. I enjoy watching some young ladies picking money up off the stage after the music stops. But I'm a sadist.
Fucking awesome show at the MIRAGE.
anonymous you are Dirk McCoy, and you ROCK!
I love the way anonymous posters are christened with new, snarky names that fit the character of their posts. Little Lord Dinkinfist.
I know this is unrelated but I saw a speaker fall over and knock a guy on the head at a little league game tonight. The guy will be all right. I'm assuming the hit was a glancing blow because the aluminum bleacher he was sitting on was badly bent.
I also saw a kid foul a ball back, up over a 30' high fence and into a garbage can about 4 feet to the side of home plate and no more than a foot from the fence. The most unlikely ace I'll ever see. 1 in a million.
I guess if I was posting anonymously, this post would make me Superflio Tangentioni.
HAW!
The Dilemma:
I've never visited Hooters, but if I did, do I have to tip 20% for the service and and extra ten for the tittie show?
Just wonderin...
Which brings me to my real point. If I want titties, I'll go to a strip club. If I want a burger, I'll go to a strip club. I just don't understand Hooters.
I've only been to Hooters one (with my dad), and I will say that the chicken wings are delicious. Saucy and meaty. I would suggest 20% of the tab plus $1 for every time she leans over to offer to another beer.
Arlo took the words right out of my mouth: Hooters makes some mighty fine wings. The titties are just gravy.
Mmmmm, titty gravy. I've had some of that. It's no "taste of my own sauce" like Arlo's had but, you know, you work with what you've got.
I think I admit too much on this blog. The readership has a memory that is far too great.
Also, my mom is a regular reader. But, of course, my mom is ultra-cool, and can curse like a sailor, when moved to do so. Hi mom! Get your bong out of my ass!
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