Soma Anyone?

Sometimes (like when I'm watching FOX News), I think of America as a large ungulate. Out of habit, instinct, or just plain malice, this hirsute animal produces piping hot turds in quick succession, and before each turd hits the ground, the beast gives it a fierce kick with its rear hoof – transforming waste into weapon. The scorching projectile (lost to the sight of its creator) flies through the vacuum of time; the quintessence of our musky innards let loose upon the world.

My perspective thusly poisoned and deformed by politics, I inevitably seek to heal my lacerated conscience by turning to nature and science: tranquil bastions of beauty and truth. Today, however, the scientific community has betrayed by confidence. Witness:

Exposure to an oxytocin "potion" led people to be more trusting, tests by University of Zurich researchers found.

They say in Nature the finding could help people with conditions such as autism, where relating to others can be a problem.

[…] In the same journal, Dr Antonio Damasio of the Department of Neurology at the University of Iowa College of Medicine, said some may fear the findings could be used by those trying to gain people's trust.

"Some may worry about the prospect that political operators will generously spray the crowd with oxytocin at rallies of their candidates.

"The scenario may be rather too close to reality for comfort, but those with such fears should note that current marketing techniques - for political and other products - may well exert their effects through the natural release of molecules such as oxytocin in response to well-crafted stimuli.

"Civic alarm at such abuses should have started long before this study."

That smokin' hot turd screaming through the air is about to become a horizontal geyser of infectious diarrhea.