Quack Lands In Thistle

How is the War on Animals coming along? I'm so glad you asked. Progress is being made. Obstacles are being overcome. New soldiers are recruited every day. Of course, it must continually be stressed that those who attempt to give aid or comfort to the enemy will be considered treasonous; harsh punishment can be expected.

An Illinois woman who stopped to help a family of ducks cross Interstate 90/39 on Wednesday morning ended up in the hospital after she was hit by a car and thrown 60 feet.

Sheila M. Bajus … was driving south on I-90/39 at about 10:40 a.m. when she saw the family of ducks attempting to waddle east across the Interstate just south of the Highway 26 overpass. She pulled her vehicle to the left shoulder.

Kathryn M. Hess … was driving south on the Interstate, too, and stopped to help.

...[Bajus] was hurrying up the gravel shoulder along the median when she saw a maroon car swerving toward her. [...] The front passenger fender and passenger-side mirror clipped Bajus, flipping her up onto the windshield. The impact cracked the windshield and tossed Bajus 60 feet before she landed on her stomach in a patch of thistles in the median.

"I think both the women learned a valuable lesson," [Wisconsin State Patrol Trooper Andrew] Emmel said.

Among the ducks there were no survivors.