The Joseph Jefferson Awards
Okay, I'm going to be very self-indulgent here, and post something I sent to a bunch of friends, and posted on the old Defiant Theatre yahoo group site. Those of you in Chicago theatre know that the Joseph Jefferson Awards are Monday night, and Defiant is up for a number of awards, including "Best Ensemble" for the one hundred and fifth remount of Action Movie: The Play. I just wanted to put this on the ol blog here to insure that the maximum number of people DO NOT DO ANYTHING ON THIS LIST. If any of you are going to the Jeffs, and consider yourself an ex-member of Defiant, or a Defiant sympathizer or fellow traveler, or whatever you want to call it (slave, groupie, minion. I usually considered myself a minion. Sometimes a henchman), DO NOT DO ANY OF THESE THINGS. AND DRUGS ARE BAD, OK?
Sigh. Wish I could be there. But I have some suggestions for how to make Defiant’s final Joseph Jefferson Awards a night full of wonder and magic. Print out a copy and pass it around. Why not send this to everyone who has ever done a Defiant show? Well, almost everyone.
Throw ice. Don’t feel compelled to buy drinks to supply your ammunition; just troll around for empty tables and abandoned glasses
Smoke. Cigarettes are delicious and picturesque. Everyone enjoys the smell of cigarette smoke. Smoke like fiends.
Yell things. Yelling is fun and it feels good. Here are some things to yell:
“More sugar!”
“Eat it!”
“Eat it raw!”
“What is reality?”
“Brains!”
“Macbeth!”
Lines from Macbeth would be fun, too.
“My wallet!”
Can you do a Godzilla noise? Or maybe Chewbacca? That’s sort of like yelling, and Chewbacca is topical.
Make up your own things to yell. Its fun. Remember, no cracks about age or weight. I’m serious.
Wear a mask. Not the whole time, just have something you can stash and produce. A fun place to wear it would be in the bathroom.
If you see (i.e., hunt down) Michael Phillips, say “You’re not funny”, or “Leave the comedy to the pros”. The more people do this, the funnier it will be.
Likewise, if you “happen to run into” Chris Jones, say, “Do you usually just bring your own bottle to these things?”
Every time Sean Graney wins something, act like you’re a 14 year old bobby soxer at a Frank Sinatra show circa 1940. Run up to the stage and faint.
Suggested additions are encouraged, via comments. Be nice.
8 Comments:
Its good to see that for Richard, bitterness and hostility are virtues. He needs to ask himself whether he was more of an ass than the people he attacks. Unfortunately, the answer is "Yes, Richard is an extremely coprophilic individual who does not have any right to complain about how other people act," so again it is a case of the pot calling the kettle black, again.
Quote: "Did you know that there are 5 different translations for stultus in Greek?"
You misunderstand me, Doctor. I've always made it a point to make trouble at the Jeffs. I consider it a point of honor, having never received the award myself. And I have never complained about how anyone acts. "Bitterness and hostility", forsooth!
As for the "quote", that is most certainly not my syntax, as anyone who knows me will attest. If memory serves, there is only one translation for stultus in Greek, but I do not know it, having never even studied Greek. I scoff.
But I am coprophilic, to the utmost degree
I think Dr. Smith needs batteries for his vibrator. He's always so uptight. Which reminds me...I say the worst pre-post-op ever this weekend. She looked like D from Twisted Sister. I'm not joking. Hmmm. I wonder why Dr. Smith reminded me of that...
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How come whenever fudgepacked Fock posts something, I'm suddenly reminded of a certain character from Ludlam's play "Turds in Hell?"
Right Dr. Smith. As if you read.
Which character, Doctor? Or were you just name dropping? You pathetic troll.
"Baron bubbles in the bathtub," was my first choice. Never doubt the wisdom of Dr. Smith. As a resident of the New Kingdom of Leon you should know this.
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