The Rebellion Is Sucking
The Spoonbender lays it out:
I'm worried about today's youngsters, and it's not for the reason you might think -- that rap music is turning them all into fucking wiggers. No, I'm worried about them because time and time again they've proven that they're easily the stupidest youngsters in the history of our nation.
I know what you're thinking. Surely youngsters are no stupider today than they were, say, in the 1970's? And if they are, it can't be all that much stupider. Unfortunately for you, I disagree, so prepare to be persuaded.
Take this story as an example. It details the recent introduction of a marijuana-flavored lollipop called Chronic Candy, and the sale of said to today's youngsters.
In the 1970's, children frequently smoked marijuana. Some said this was a reaction to the general malaise felt by the country during the waning years of the Vietnam War. Others attribute it to a loosening of moral standards following the excesses of the late '60's. No matter the reason, they used marijuana because they wanted to feel euphoric, relaxed, and generally delightful.
Some speculate that the nation is in the throes of a similar malaise today. There are certainly parallels -- we're involved in an occupational war that appears to be without end, energy prices are rising, and the economy is languishing. And yet the reaction of today's youngsters is to eat a marijuana-flavored lollipop.
A couple of years ago I was distributing flyers for a theatre company at a pro-hemp event on the Chicago lakefront. I bought a few of these marijuana lollipops out of curiosity. Sure, they were tasty – they were also retarded. Furthermore, while I think Mr. Spoonbender is often mean-spirited, his wit is unquestionable and (in this case) persuasive.
Today’s youth have demonstrated a serious lack of antiestablishmentarianism. This is distressing. Perhaps it is contributing to the malaise of those of us who have unwittingly passed into our thirtysomething years. Fuckin’ kids.
7 Comments:
I may be mean-spirited, but you just admitted to passing out theater fliers at a pro-hemp event.
The average 18 year old is stupid, there can be no doubts. The average teen reads below a 3rd grade level, has ADD or ADHD, has the attention span a flat worm, lacks the ability to think critically, is totally inured to the decadent excesses of our society, is unable to identify a moral delema if it bit them in the ass, and has trouble getting his/her next fix. Even more unsettling is the fact that many of them are suckling happily on the contaminated teats of christianity letting its putrid milk run down their chins. But they are still good to fuck.
I designed those flyers, too. That was a wierd day -- everyone was high and the music was terrible.
I love the image of you pausing from distributing fliers at a pro-hemp event to curiously lick a retarded lollipop. It's like a double helix of idiocy. Get your goddamned self together, man! This isn't a game!
Yes, it is a game. I've already lost. So I don't care anymore.
Caring has nothing to do with it. The time is always right to do what is right.
Kids are fucked in the head. Kids have always been fucked in the head. That's why we're fucked in the head at 30 or 40. So it logically follows that the normal condition of the human race is one of being fucked in the head.
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