Hell On Earth Revealed

This is from the May, 2005 issue of Harpers:

"From the draft of a presentation given in January by the Fayetteville Area Convention and Visitors Bureau outlining plans to market Fayetteville and Cumberland County, North Carolina, as 'the most patriotic community in America'.

Every day should feel like the Fourth of July.

Have a parade celebrating America every day at a designated time and place.

Play 'The Star-Spangled Banner' every morning.

Have a fireworks display every Saturday night.

Populate the town with American Heroes who embody the American Spirit. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Ben Franklin could hold spirited debates regarding the constitution; Abe Lincoln, Babe Ruth, Orville & Wilber Wright, Martin Luther King Jr., Blackbeard, etc., are never out of character and engage visitors in spirited conversations on the street, in stores, and at bars.

Have famous Americans hitchhiking to Fayetteville on I-95.

Offer a Special Ops demonstration in downtown Fayetteville one a week.

WWII reenactments every month.

Give tax breaks to businesses and residence that display the American flag.

Give policy the authority to 'ticket' any car in Fayetteville not made in America.

Provide certificates for newborns – MADE IN AMERICA.

Paint roads red, white, and blue with starts for downtown.

Make it a county law that every restaurant must have apple pie and hot dogs on its menu."

That was fun. If you're interested in reading something more substantial, check out the latest offering by Thomas Frank: What's the Matter with Liberals?.