The Ascent Of Primitive Man

Your Alternative Is Bogus

The time has come to revisit one of my pet peeves: Creationism. The latest recap comes in the form of this article in the Washington Post. Witness:

Propelled by a polished strategy crafted by activists on America's political right, a battle is intensifying across the nation over how students are taught about the origins of life. Policymakers in 19 states are weighing proposals that question the science of evolution.

The proposals typically stop short of overturning evolution or introducing biblical accounts. Instead, they are calculated pleas to teach what advocates consider gaps in long-accepted Darwinian theory, with many relying on the idea of intelligent design, which posits the central role of a creator.

The growing trend has alarmed scientists and educators who consider it a masked effort to replace science with theology. But 80 years after the Scopes "monkey" trial -- in which a Tennessee man was prosecuted for violating state law by teaching evolution -- it is the anti-evolutionary scientists and Christian activists who say they are the ones being persecuted, by a liberal establishment.

Well, in one sense the anti-evolutionary "scientists" are right – they are being persecuted.

Persecution: The act or practice of persecuting on the basis of race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or beliefs that differ from those of the persecutor.

It is only right and proper to oppress ignorance, stupidity, superstition, and religious indoctrination. Such obstacles to human progress ought to be aggressively persecuted – just as crime, poverty, racism and tyranny should be persecuted. Of course, in order to endorse the use of this term, one must have "belief" in facts; kind of an odd rhetorical trick, but screw it. Whatever works. Let's get back to the program.

A prominent effort is underway in Kansas, where the state Board of Education intends to revise teaching standards. That would be progress, Southern Baptist minister Terry Fox said, because "most people in Kansas don't think we came from monkeys."

This is striking evidence that most people in Kansas are fools. Here are some excellent charts and graphs which will help explain exactly which monkeys ("old world", Ardipithecus ramidus, etc.) we descended from. Even the advocates of "Intelligent Design" acknowledge (albeit reluctantly) that homo sapiens didn't emerge fully grown from the thigh of Zeus (as it were), but did – in fact – evolve from earlier species of primates. Their particular brand of foolishness stems from the cockamamie belief that Jesus (or some divine busybody) was making it all happen from bunker in outer space. Jackasses.

Polls show that a large majority of Americans believe God alone created man or had a guiding hand. Advocates invoke the First Amendment and say the current campaigns are partly about respect for those beliefs.

Sorry, dimwits. You're barking up the wrong tree. There will be no respect for those beliefs. Those beliefs are medieval.

Cindy Duckett, a Wichita mother … believes public school leaves many religious children feeling shut out. Teaching doubts about evolution, she said, is "more inclusive. I think the more options, the better."

"If students only have one thing to consider, one option, that's really more brainwashing," said Duckett, who sent her children to Christian schools because of her frustration. Students should be exposed to the Big Bang, evolution, intelligent design "and, beyond that, any other belief that a kid in class has. It should all be okay."

See that? According to Cindy, kids should be taught the evils of miscegenation, that winking causes AIDS, smoking is good for you, and all other varieties of "belief". Hey, the more "inclusive" the better, right? I wonder if Cindy would mind if I distributed leaflets advocating that she be burned at the stake, you know, to teach the kids a lesson about how the soul can be purified by fire.

"If you believe God created that baby, it makes it a whole lot harder to get rid of that baby," Fox said. "If you can cause enough doubt on evolution, liberalism will die."

And all those free-thinkers too. Jesus H. Christopher God.

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This monstrosity of an article was brought to my attention by my friend, Mark, who mused on the benefits of Canadian living. Well, for what it's worth, this morning my television told me that there's an effort being made in Canada to declare a national "Steak and Sex Day". That sounds alright with me; a welcome antidote to the savage stupidity of the American mind.