On Assignment: Belly Of The Beast

[THIS ANNOUNCEMENT HAS BEEN ISSUED BY LYRC STAFF.]

COMMENCING IMMEDIATELY LYRC CONTRIBUTOR "Kelly" WILL BE ON ASSIGNMENT IN WASHINGTON D.C. TO COVER THE UPCOMING PRESIDENT'S DAY FESTIVITIES. A PER DIEM PROVISION IN HIS LYRC CONTRACT STIPULATES THAT ALL REIMBURSABLE EXPENSES MUST RELATE DIRECTLY TO INAPPROPRIATE "BINGE ACTIVITIES" (AS DEFINED) AND MUST CONTRIBUTE SUBSTANTIALLY TOWARD DEVELOPING STRATEGIES TO COPE WITH THE HARSH REALITIES THAT CONSTITUTE OUR DAILY LIVES. GODSPEED.