My Balls: Speedbags of the Lord

So I'm sitting here munching on mircowave popcorn, sipping nasty-ass corporate coffee, and marveling at the pain of what I suspect is a colossal varicocele in my left testicle (a feeling of being kicked in the nuts that never goes away), and I happen to read this: Leonardo DiCaprio Gets Lifetime Achievement Award. So, I just had to get this off my chest: AAAaarrgh!!!!