Mea Culpa Monsieur Hobo
Slow blog day? Well, there's always something to say – if you put your mind to it. You know how some parents will ask their children, "What did you learn in school today?"; well, I learned something new today and I'd like to share it with you. I learned that when you're walking in the rain without an umbrella on the way to the bank to put a freeze on your debit card because you just discovered last night that three months ago someone used your debit card number to rack up over $580 at retail stores (including Wal Mart) in towns you've never set foot in and you really can't do shit about it because the stated policy of the bank dictates that all "irregularities" that show up on your bank statement must be brought to their attention within 60 days or you assume full liability for whatever losses and it's past 60 days because you don't comb through your bank statement every month like a good citizen so its really all your own fault it's really hard when some derelict steps in front of you – in such circumstances – and says, "Can you spare some change?", its hard, really hard, to not instinctively hiss through clenched teeth: "Fuck off".
7 Comments:
And there is nothing wrong with indulging this instinct. Derelicts should develop the same skills that all of us should strive to perfect--the ability to tell when others would like to be left alone.
Just as a point of interest, my usual rejoiner is "drop dead".
I like to respond with an eager, "Oh, of course! I'm sure I do!" Then I fish around for a bit in all of my pockets with a sort of confused determination before I finally declare, "Ah, there we go!" whereupon I produce a hand configured in the middle-finger-raised position and say cheerfully, "There you go - that's for you!"
When I first moved to city, I was interning and had no money. Luckily I was only about a thirty minute walk from the job so I didn't have to take public transportation. This was fine until it rained.
One rainy day, about halfway home and soaked to the bone, I pass one of the disenfranchised under a store awning, and in all seriousness said to me, "Hey man, could you give me some money to get home, it's really coming down out here."
To which I wittily responded, "Do I look like I have any fucking money for the bus, asshole? Because if I had money for the fucking bus, I wouldn't be walking in the fucking rain!"
That's as bad as I've ever gotten.
Except for that guy I nearly punched in the mouth.
I have to admit: If someone is honest with me and admits that they need my money for anything that would fall under the category of "hooch", I always give in.
Unless, of course, it is raining and I am suffering from identity theft. In that case, Yes, "fuck off" through clenched teeth is the only logical recourse.
Honestly, my hearing isn't as good as it used to be. If I can remember this, I can think to answer the wrong question. Giving the time is a good one. The date isn't bad. Otherwise I use my old standby, "No." You want to really confuse them? Say "No thanks." What the hell does that mean?
So next time you're approached (and really my NY upbringing should have long since taught me to ignore and avoid in the first place and NO EYE CONTACT!!) try this:
"Hey man, you have any change you can spare?"
"Uh, hold on a second, uh, it's 1:30. Take it easy."
It's nice to add a pleasantry because even though you've blown them off, you've either given them pause about following you (is it even worth it?) or you've made them feel sorry for you and they'll leave you alone.
Worst case, they follow you and you get a "No man, I asked if you have any change you could spare." "Oh, sorry, No." or "Oh. Fuck off."
In any case, I think it's better to keep away from the "Fuck Off" response because anyone asking for change on the street is already fucked, even if they're pulling $200/day tax free and driving off in their Caddie parked around the corner because, what kind of life is begging for change? Also, it raises the ante of confrontation.
It's like Timothy Leary said about the "Say No to Drugs" campaign. He said leave it to the Reagan's to come up with a rude campaign. When I talk to my kids about being offered drugs, I tell them to say "No thank you."
Perhaps worse than being hit up by panhandlers is told how you should handle being hit up by panhandlers.
That's true, Anonymous(sssssss). If by "worse" you mean "much, much more amusing and generally better".
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