Cease and Desist

[Just in case you don't get the joke, the link below is not safe for work. Sorry to burst in like this. -Arlo]

Dear Mister Ragsdale:

I am the attorney for Mr. Kelly Cooper, who has requested that I write to you concerning your post of Thursday, December 2 for the website "like you really care". During the normal course of Mr. Cooper's activities, he was directed to a second website via a hyperlink in your aforementioned post. Aware only of your flippant caveat that this website may not be "work safe", my client was utterly unprepared for what he witnessed.

The evidence is overwhelming and incontrovertible that certain images available on the hyperlinked website (hereafter referred to as "barelyevil.com") constitute a gross infringement of my client's rights. Furthermore, we will substantiate (in court if necessary) that your willful negligence in posting such a hyperlink without a full explanation of barelyevil.com (and its gateway capacities to a myriad of like-minded websites) is tantamount to a criminal attack upon the person of my client.

The damages that were suffered by my client consist of, but are not limited to, the following:

Dizziness
Priapism
Vomiting
Incontinence of bladder and bowel
Tennis Elbow
Loss of appetite
Genital eczema
Recurrent and intermittent alcoholism

My client is in a great deal of pain. The salubrious effects of an immediate (and sizable) monetary settlement cannot be overstated. However, if you wish to contest my client's right to live a peaceful and unobtrusive life, free from the wanton attacks from soulless miscreants and their lascivious and self-abasing ilk, we will petition to the court for redress.

Yours truly,
Paco Hernandez Wong, Esq.
Paco & Schmaltz, LLP