That's No Dick

The Internet is all a-flutter about Dick Cheney's Big Dick which appeared in a Wisconsin newspaper.

I highly doubt that's Cheney's penis.

It's too big.

Here's my reasoning:

One: Cheney's kind of tubby. I once heard a rule of thumb (that's an inside joke to my brother Ross) that if you want to add a half-inch to your penis, lose ten pounds. Get rid of some of the fat around your fatty, and more of it will poke out. Cheney can't have that much poking out.

Two: Cheney likes war. Anyone who is that gung ho about sending our brave boys and girls out to fire guns must be compensating.

So my theory? It's a colostomy bag. After all, we do know that for the most part, Cheney is full of shit.