The Unbearable Darkness of Being

How much time do we have left before the election? Not much. So, while I want nothing more than to turn my off-hour attention to far more interesting matters, I'm afraid that the issue du jour must remain unchanged for a little while longer. To that end, here's a thought:

First and foremost, of course, the president must keep the body count low if he wants to win [the election]. …. When enough die, it may even lead the news, or make the local news. It wouldn't be prudent to let that happen. So Bush has adopted policies designed to keep the death count low, primarily by avoiding ground combat in the Sunni triangle. Good campaign tactics, needless to say, but, as ever, the Bush team seems better at winning elections than winning wars. By delaying any assault on the wily Salafi terrorists (read: Democratic campaign operatives) lurking in Fallujah, Samarra, Ramadi, and Baquba until after November, we give them more time to dig in, prepare defenses, and strengthen their forces before the attack.

…This plan will get people killed. If an assault is to be mounted, it should be done as soon as possible, [not] after the adversary has been given months to prepare for it. The Marines and soldiers serving in Iraq volunteered for the military, but they've been conscripted into the Bush campaign.

Now, that may seem cynical, but consider this: nobody knows how to fight this war. Nobody. Since we may be deployed in Iraq for 100 years or more, maybe the best course of action is to simply hunker down and let the civil war begin. Maybe not. Since all the rules that used to govern our decision making in such matters have been replaced or are DOA, why not do what is familiar and safe: cover your own ass. We'll never know what might have come to pass if Saddam had stayed in power, but the price we pay for his removal is to shoulder the responsibility for what actually does come to pass. So hope for the best and plan for the worst: cover your own ass. Let the Humvee's smolder on the side of a road 6,211 miles away and declare that "Freedom is on the march". Think globally, act locally: cover your own ass. Unfortunately for Bush, tending to the security of one's ass can be challenging when your head is buried in the dirt.

On the subject of burying one's head in dirt:

When Paris [Hilton] and Merle Ginsberg, her co-author on her autobiography, "Confessions of an Heiress," ran into each other … Ginsbuerg congratulated [her] on reaching No. 5 on The Wall Street Journal's best-seller list.

"What's The Wall Street Journal? Is that good?" Paris asked.

Which brings me, finally, to my larger point involving heads and dirt. Did el Presidente ask the U.N. to buckle under and sacrifice for the greater good of mankind? Nope. He asked 'em to open up a trust fund. Observe:

...today I propose establishing a Democracy Fund within the United Nations. ... The fund would help countries lay the foundations of democracy by instituting the rule of law and independent courts, a free press, political parties and trade unions. Money from the fund would also help set up voter precincts and polling places, and support the work of election monitors. To show our commitment to the new Democracy Fund, the United States will make an initial contribution. I urge other nations to contribute, as well.

Strong words, Mr. President. But what about all that fighting stuff? Oh, right. There is no fighting in your world, you Utopian nut-sucker.