Puppy Serves Honorably in War on Terror

As Florida prepares to get sheared in half by yet another hurricane, a tinier hint of the coming apocalypse quietly made the Pensacola news:

A man who told deputies he was trying to shoot his seven puppies was wounded when one of the animals caused his gun to discharge, the Escambia County Sheriff's Office reported Wednesday.

Bush is ahead in the polls. Iraq is rapidly spiraling into civil war. Jakarta has exploded. And the puppies of Northwestern Florida, without anyone to defend them, are forced to take matters into their own paws. The Rapture has already occurred; nobody was worthy of the Lord's mercy.