A race between Barack Obama and Alan Keyes would be a landslide for Obama. Okay, Barack Obama versus just about anybody would be landslide for Obama.

But for the sake of argument, let's briefly examine why Alan Keyes can suck my ass:

"It is God’s choice that that child is in the womb. And for us to usurp that choice in contradiction of our declaration of principles is just as wrong." January 26, 2000

"We will never balance the budget, and we will never capture the problem of the deficit if we do not balance our hearts, if we do not tackle the moral deficit that is destroying our families, corrupting our children." August 12, 1995

"Issues like homosexual marriage are wedge issues that will wake up a lot of the Democratic base to the fact that they are part of a party that does not believe in their moral values, and that is seeking to destroy fundamental moral institutions to which they are committed." July 12, 2004

"In the interest of national security and the morale of our armed forces, if elected president of the US I pledge to reinstitute the ban on homosexuals serving in our nation’s military." January 7, 2000

"If we’re going to have special legal protections for homosexuals, shouldn’t everybody else’s uncontrollable sexual orientations be protected? Shouldn’t adulterers, pedophiles, rapists, and other sorts of sexual aberrants be eligible for the same benefits?" May 2, 1996

"We express great shock and outrage that we are bloodying the hallways of our schools with the blood of our children. What about the blood of our children killed in the womb on the basis of a doctrine that completely rejects the basic principles on which this nation was founded? If our rights come from God, then we ought to shape our children’s consciences in the fear of God. And I think that what we’re seeing in our schools is the direct result of our failure to respect that heritage and to pass it on." December 13, 1999

"We not only need prayer in schools, we need schools that are in the hands of people who pray. Above all, we must break the government monopoly on public education." January 7, 1999

"The spread of [AIDS] is rooted in what? Is rooted in a moral crisis. Is rooted in a pattern of behavior that spreads that death because of a kind of licentiousness, right here in our own country and around the world. This whole discussion is based on a premise that reveals the corruption of our thought. Money cannot solve every problem. Sometimes we need to look at the moral root of that problem and have the guts to deal with it." January 10, 2000

(source)

Scary stuff. Maybe he'll change his mind, though, concerning some of his more contentious standings. Atrios pulled out a quote that proves he's willing to at least reconsider:

I deeply resent the destruction of federalism represented by Hillary Clinton's willingness to go into a state she doesn't even live in and pretend to represent people there. So I certainly wouldn't imitate it.

Alan Keyes for Senate in Illinois? Bring it on, bitch.