My father is coming into town this weekend. To prevent the nightmares that occurred during his last visit to Chicago, I'm going to get these out of my system now:

• "I believe in free enterprise, but the government's job is to make sure it's free (as in speech) and stay out of the enterprise as much as possible."
  
  
• "Did you know that most embryos that are created for in vitro fertilization are discarded? That embryo could be used for stem-cell research, but instead the goverment says it has to be dropped in the garbage because it's illegal to experiment on embryos. So what? THEY'RE ALREADY DEAD!!"
  
  
• "Affirmative Action is necessary, though what if we make it about economic status instead of race.... Oh, that's Communism? Okay, well we'd better keep it about race, then."
  
  
• "Yeah, I'm glad we got Saddam Hussein. Now that we've practiced, we should have no problem catching the guys that ACTUALLY ATTACKED AMERICA."
  
  
• "If the media were truly liberal, the election wouldn't be a close race. But, in actuality, it's not a close race. The so-called liberal media keeps telling you it is. Kerry's going to kick Bush's ass."

And the one that would piss him off the most...

• "'Blessed are the meek'? 'It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a need than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God?' Sorry, Dad, but Jesus was a Democrat."

Yeah, he loves that one.