I just can't get enough Low Culture:

"Najaf" means "dry river". Of course, there's no way to maneuver "swift boats" in a so-called "dry river". What, then, do swift boats have to do with the important developments taking place in Najaf right this very moment? Oh, wait, wait, wait..."swift boats" have nothing whatsoever to do with Iraq, the U.S. economy, healthcare, the American class system, or other issues pertaining to a race for the presidency of the United States. Hell, swift boats don't even have anything to do with gay marriage or constitutional amendments.

It all finally makes sense! God bless you, American media! God bless us, everyone! This is Tiny Tim, signing off from Darfur.

I wonder what'll be bigger news next week: the unfuckingbelievable chaos in Iraq or the feint whiff of cordite emanating Schwarzenegger as he slams his fist on the podium in the Big Apple and declares Bush the Messiah. It's a toss-up.