Like you really care, indeed.

I offer you a Gmail account, and no one -- NO ONE -- asks for it except for Kelly. I'm afraid he doesn't count.

I offer you a chance to join me to see Fahrenheit 9/11 and no one -- NO ONE -- e-mails me.

Are you all that busy? Do you all use proper POP3 or IMAP email accounts now? I super-seriously doubt that.

ANYONE who wants the Gmail account can have it, not just Hotmail users. I would prefer to give it to someone who currently uses Hotmail or Yahoo! mail, just so you can get away from those spam-ridden skidmarks on the Internet's underwear, but it's first come first serve. Just email me.

And I'm seeing the movie Sunday afternoon if anyone wants to join me. If you email me, we can figure out a time. Otherwise, I'm on my own.

Look, I still love you, but when I come bearing gifts, don't shun me. I take it personally.