So what!? Hey, some non-heroic (gasp!) troops did some crummy things to the Iraqasaurs. Whoop-dee-do. So we’re losing credibility. Whoop-dee-do. What in the name of holy hell is anybody going to do about it? Answer: NOTHING! Why? Because they CAN’T DO SHIT! We rule. We’ve got the bigger guns, we’ve got more money, we’ve got Hollywood and apple frickin’ pie. How did we get all these world-crushing assets? FREEDOM! Let’s call a spade a spade folks [bangs on table], any discussion amongst ourselves at this point is one thing and one thing only: ENTERTAINMENT! I listened to some dude wax eloquent the other day about putting up “Defeat Bush” posters and organizing community meetings. What a dork. He lives in Chicago. Illinois will vote for Kerry, regardless of what he (or anyone) does. And even if Illinois didn’t, even if Kerry lost the whole country and Bush continued to do whatever the hell he wanted – we’d still rule. Think of world politics as the NFL. Our team is on the 40 yard line, at 2nd and 14 in the middle of the third quarter. It’s cold. The ball is wet. Our middle linebacker has a slimy cut over his left eye. Our quarterback can’t spell “bicycle”. The stadium is packed. It’s all very exciting. Wait! Look at the scoreboard: we’re winning 247 to 3! Gosh, I wonder what’ll happen if we fumble.

UPDATE: I'm all out of wine. You fly I'll buy.