ITEM: The Golden Raspberry Awards are in! Gigli cleans up!

ITEM: Bobby Brown goes to jail!

ITEM: Jean-Bertrand Aristide's abduction: President Bush urges Haiti's would-be boat people to beware the terrifying voodoo curse that lays waste all who dare trespass near pivotal Florida counties!

ITEM: Worst sketch artist of all time formally declared!

UPDATE: Sketch artist link obsolete. Screw those bastards. Screw 'em.