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Barack Obama's win last night is garnering lots of prominent blog attention. Excellent, because Obama's going to need some money. As is John Kerry. And the Democratic party. Just donate some damn money, okay?

I gave $100 to Howard Dean last year. Even though his campaign ended up in debt, the Deaniacs kicked the Democrats in the ass (get it?). I don't consider it money wasted. I don't mind giving money to campaigns I believe in because it can pay off in spades -- it's an investment in America. And stuff.

The other night, some 19-year-old college students came to my door begging for money to broadcast a television ad showing that photo of Rummy and Saddam shaking hands, a photo we've all seen a thousand times and has very little merit. After all, the argument is if the US did fuck things up there, shouldn't we fix it? (Yes, we should, but not in the manner we're doing it.) I don't even remember what group they were representing, but their whole schtick was on stopping WMD proliferation. Not in a United Nations peacekeeping way, but in a pot brownie, hippie way. After saying I would read their brochure but I couldn't donate at this time, the guy started giving me such a hard sell:

"C'mon, I'll take a post-dated check."

"Well, buddy, I believe in your cause, but my main concern right now is getting Bush out of the White House."

"We want that, too."

"Great, man, but I'm a student and I don't have a lot of money."

"We'll take anything."

"Look, if I'm going to give my money to anything right now, it'll be to John Kerry's campaign."

"Well, if you look at our brochure, you'll see that John Kerry's record has actually supported many military actions."

Pause. Then I spoke.

"Well, no shit. But I'm not voting for Kucinich or Nader, and neither should you if you know what's best for this country. Don't waste your vote and leave Bush in office for another four years so he can do more of the shit you hate."

Pause. Then he spoke.

"So you aren't going to help us?"

"Dude, I have limited funds. I have to pick and choose which causes I'm going to support. Right now, the cause that consumes me most is changing our president. I don't think your organization is going to help that cause, especially if you're going door to door and criticizing the only candidate who has a chance to achieve that goal."

Then he thanked me and left. I paraphrased a little here, but yeah, I did give him a wee talking-to. Made my cock feel big. I appreciated his hard sell, but I just couldn't pick up what he was throwin' down. I had to hard sell him back.

Speaking of people coming to the door, the other night, a guy came to my door with a box of candy.

"Hello sir, my name is..."

Before he even got his name out, I saw he had Moon Pies. And I shouted with glee.

"MOON PIES! I want two moon pies!"

Already, the guy thinks I'm a freak, but I bought two Moon Pies. Yum.

Anyway, following our transaction, he goes to ring the bell for the upstairs apartment, which is my girlfriend's parents' place. I know they won't want to be bothered, so I said, "Oh, there's nobody home upstairs."

"But I saw somebody moving up there. There's a light on."

"Oh." I moved in to whisper. "We don't talk about him."

The guy thanked me and left. Hurriedly.

I was sort of an ass, but I got two Moon Pies, he moved $5 closer to buying baseball uniforms for a Little League team, and, better yet, he now has a great story to tell his friends.

I guess what I'm trying to say is you should donate because you believe in something and not question the consequences. I believed in Howard Dean. He didn't get the nomination, and the money may have been poorly managed, but the Democratic party needed him. As for the hippie kids, I don't believe that focusing on peace and love in a drugged-up Mr. Burns way is worth paying for right now. I'm all for sit-ins and broadcasting photos of Donald Rumsfeld being Donald Rumsfeld, but progressives have to fight back now. The Right has learned that all Gandhi and Rosa Parks did was sit in the way, and conscientious dissenters can easily be moved.

But I do believe in Moon Pies and defeating George Bush. While we're at it, gaining control of the Senate would be pretty damn cool, too. Moon Pie cool.

So give. So there.

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