This has been on my mind since I sang "Babe" by Styx last Saturday night at the Hidden Cove Lounge:

1) Punk and grunge tunes younger than 15 years do not make good karaoke songs. Your off-key rendition of Stone Temple Pilots or Blink-182 is simply not entertaining anybody.

2) I don't care how good of a singer you are or how perfect the song is for your voice -- slow, sad tunes that no one has ever heard of do not make good karaoke songs, no matter how well you sing them. For God's sake, we're drinking here!

3) Anything longer than 5 minutes and/or featuring an enormous guitar solo is not a good karaoke song. We don't want to blankly stare at you staring at the screen blankly.

Karaoke is all about pleasing the audience. There's no artistic fortitude for you to sell out. It's about being drunk and entertaining a bunch of other drunks. Therefore, the best karaoke songs should possess a certain degree of irony for the singer. Don't sing your favorite song. Go for the guilty pleasure, the song everyone says they hate but secretly love. Pick something nostalgic. Best of all, sing the most uncharacteristic thing anyone would expect you to sing. You'll have the audience in the palm of your hand.

Next time I karaoke, I'm thinking "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman."