This weekend found me in two places in which I have never been. Both of these revelations were a huge surprise to those whom I have told.

The first place was in a limo. I gotta say that I was impressed. It was gaudy, with lots of tacky lights, cocktail glasses, and televisions. One problem was that the temperature controls in the limo were all sorts of screwed up. We had to open the windows so we didn't sweat, which spoiled the illusion that, as far as pedestrians or other drivers knew, we were actually Oprah.

Secondly, I went to a gentleman's club. Due to the strict laws governing such establishments in Chicago (you can't even drink at some), the atmosphere was more subdued than I had expected. Thankfully so, because I found the experience completely repugnant and offensive.

I'm a political liberal, so granted, the truly most offensive thing at the club was the $6 price tag for a Miller Lite. Other than that...

Nothing about my time spent in the club was arousing or even empowering. Call me crazy, but I consider women human beings, not objects. Even in an environment that is intrisically theatrical where the goal is to put on masks and play very expensive power games, I found it difficult to let go of what I consider to be right. If the moral delimma that I faced Saturday night was due to deeply ingrained psychological imprinting, so be it -- I can't think of a good reason to let go of those particular reflexes.

What I enjoyed watching was the pole dancers. Not because of their big fake boobs, their artificiality exacerbated by the liquid latex covering the nipples making them all look like a Marilyn Manson album cover. I was impressed by the pole dancers' dexterity, their ability to grab hold of that pole with heavy latex boots and spin at a few dozen RPMs. Perhaps the implants help raise the center of gravity, making spinning a more efficient process.

When my bachelor party comes up, I'm not sure what will happen. I guess the gentleman's club idea is not for me. And I don't particularly like to gamble. And I don't like to get too drunk. Maybe we'll just sit around and watch cartoons.